• confidence issues

    1362318595
    yummymummy445 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 29
    • Joined: 15 Feb 2013

    im 21 yr old and i have 3 children, my youngest is 8 weeks old. im so self concious especially around my partner even though he tries his hardest to make me believe him that ive nothing to worry about. ive litterally tried everything to boost my confidence. i just look in the mirror and see myself as really fat and ugly. its ruining our relationship because he thinks im just trying new things out just to please him and that im faking things. i just want try try what ever he wants so i can make him happy :(

    1362324496
    mrs average [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 18 Oct 2012

    Your youngest is 8 weeks!!!

    Hun I think you're being way too hard on youself. It sounds like you're expecting more of yourself than he is and setting the bar very high, when your partner is trying to reassure you that there's nothing to worry about, and you needn't worry about trying to please him right now, he's right.

    When mine were that age it was just an achievement to feed myself and brush my teeth, getting out of the house before 11am after my OH had gone back to work was a huge accomplishment.

    It took more like 5 or 6 months before I got the hang of juggling and new born, with a toddler, with housework, potty training and a healthy sex life.

    With 3 kids this is a very energy draining time for you, just talk to your partner I'm sure he's being honest when he says you've nothing to worry about. At only 21 you have pleanty of years ahead of you to get organised, get your confidence back and be more adventurous with your sex life, but for now if I was you enjoy the most important things..your babies...

    ...and of course the most indulgent things you want after giving birth, are sleep, sleep and more sleep.. and possible chocolate and bubble bath.

    Mrs A x

    1362334161
    ghostgirl [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 26 Sep 2010

    mrs average wrote:

    Your youngest is 8 weeks!!!

    Hun I think you're being way too hard on youself. It sounds like you're expecting more of yourself than he is and setting the bar very high, when your partner is trying to reassure you that there's nothing to worry about, and you needn't worry about trying to please him right now, he's right.

    When mine were that age it was just an achievement to feed myself and brush my teeth, getting out of the house before 11am after my OH had gone back to work was a huge accomplishment.

    It took more like 5 or 6 months before I got the hang of juggling and new born, with a toddler, with housework, potty training and a healthy sex life.

    With 3 kids this is a very energy draining time for you, just talk to your partner I'm sure he's being honest when he says you've nothing to worry about. At only 21 you have pleanty of years ahead of you to get organised, get your confidence back and be more adventurous with your sex life, but for now if I was you enjoy the most important things..your babies...

    ...and of course the most indulgent things you want after giving birth, are sleep, sleep and more sleep.. and possible chocolate and bubble bath.

    Mrs A x

    Wants a like button on here

    This was exactly how I was when I had my second

    xGGx

    1362406363
    alterman [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 15
    • Joined: 5 Feb 2013

    It sounds like your bloke is trying to look after you and he is right! Give your body time to adjust and the best sex will return when your body and mind are ready. For us, things returned to being fun after babies at different times and, for most blokes, if you're not having fun, he isn't either. There's plenty of time and fun to be had.

    1362428732
    yummymummy445 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 29
    • Joined: 15 Feb 2013

    hes got a very very high sex drive. and i think im trying to please him as much as i can during sex because we never get loving time to ourselves because were always busy with the children

    1362488536
    Anonybloke [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
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    • Joined: 12 Dec 2009

    IF you are ready to go back to sex then IMHO (and yes, we have three children) you need a strange combination of forward planning and being spontaneous!

    You say he's got a high sex drive, so if the other two are watching TV/at school/out with friends/etc and little one is having a nap, go for a quickie. Even a hand or blow job will do, and it can be really quick, like five or ten minutes. Oh, and you must get a lock on your bedroom door! We've even found ourselves both awake at 4 in the morning and gone for it just because all three were asleep! Or if you happen to wake up and they're all asleep!

    Secondly, plan ahead. Like a small military operation. We have, on occasion, got relatives to babysit and then said we're going out for a grown up meal in a restaurant. Then, we booked a room in a motel near the restaurant... and well, we did have a meal, once we'd worked up a decent hunger! But you don't have to go this far, just look at their three schedules and try to line them up. Once you have got two looked after (at pre-school or play-date or whatever) get little one fed and clean and warm, and they should have a decent nap!

    I know some people don't like the idea of planning ahead, as they feel they have to perform, but I look at it a different way. It's something to look forward to. You go through the day thinking, "I know we're going to get some tonight" and it cheers you up and makes the whole thing better. IMHO.

    All the advice for new Mums returning to sex applies, have a bath and a pamper and a relax. And make sure that you can do what you can to change your self-identity from "Mother" to "Lover" or "Wife". As always if you can relax before hand it helps!

    Like I said, all this is IF you decide you want to go back. There is no right time to go back to sex after having a baby!

    1362567923
    yummymummy445 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
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    • Joined: 15 Feb 2013

    thanks for all the advice everybody. all the children went to his mums for a few hours yesterday. felt so strange. the only thing is im totally ready but hes now lost his sex drive :( its strange because hes never like this. i keep getting worried that theres something wrong with me. i told him id wait till he was ready. but its killing me lol i just want to dive on him haha. i think im driving him mad keep asking questions. when we have sex thats how he shows his feelings towards me because we dont get any other time. but now he just wants to cuddle. i dont no what to do because i dont want to push him away because im insecure

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