• new to this,just realised im sub and like pain

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    lovingabitofpain [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 2
    • Joined: 4 Dec 2012

    Hi everyone,

    after a long term relationship which i thought we had a good sex life.

    i am in a new relationship with a much older man im 40 he is 59 and he has made me realise that i was missing out on so much,he makes me feel fantastic.

    the thing is i never knew before how i love to be dominated while we have sex and how i love to be spanked and him hold me by the throat. it is strange how i never had these feelings before.

    i was really just wondering how normal,common is this as it has really taken me by suprise.

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    notlikely2 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 5
    • Joined: 25 Oct 2010

    My GF and I also like to hold each others throat, but never overdo it. We also like slaping each others butt and are surprised by just how hard we can slap and still have it feel nice. But that only applies when we are both turned on. When we are not aroused, slapping just hurts! LOL

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    Jodie_Tot [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 14
    • Joined: 29 Mar 2009

    You're own personal preferences and turn ons are normal :) how common I couldn't say though. I'm more submissive than Dom :)

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    shellyboo [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 866
    • Joined: 16 Apr 2008

    It's really really really common. However, there's no such thing as normal ;) I would say on this site, the majority of users are vanilla (as in, not into BDSM) but there are still quite a few kinksters (like me!) hanging around. If you want more Fetish-based discussions and more information on kink, a good place to start is Fetlife.com. It's basically a kinky Facebook, with a forum feature like here. There's tons of info on there for people just starting to discover their kink, as well as links and info on real-life groups and events for kinky people.

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    KinkyFuckery [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 3555
    • Joined: 10 Jul 2012

    Enjoy, make sure your safe and you both have an understanding of what you both want . Have a back up plan ie safeword if either of you are not comfortable .

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    sexynurse09 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 754
    • Joined: 21 Sep 2009

    Welcome and enjoy your new found turn ons, they're a lot more common than you'd think. It's just not many people will admit to their kinks, so things seem less common than they are. Fetlife is a good place to start. Enjoy!

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    Georgina71 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 136
    • Joined: 11 Nov 2012

    Hi, honey! I understand you perfectly, I am in a very similar situation (older man, loving being dominated). In my case I had to ask, but it worked out very well. I wrote a post about it <http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/forums/sex-tips-and-talk/608581-how-to-ask-him-to-dominate-me/>, maybe you'll find interesting.

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    Georgina71 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 136
    • Joined: 11 Nov 2012

    The address above copies wrong, try http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/forums/sex-tips-and-talk/608581-how-to-ask-him-to-dominate-me . Actually, this does not seem to work either, there keeps being some junk at the end of the address.

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    Lady Ness [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2258
    • Joined: 16 May 2010

    Avrielle_Aniko wrote:

    A bit of roughness is actually really quite common, and many 'vanilla' relationships will try it at some point or another. But when it is with someone who you trust and is particularly good at it, it can be like a whole other level!

    My first relationship with a man was a sub/Dom relationship. I even lost my virginity to him and loved every second of it! After that, I craved to be a sub, and bondage. But time has gone on since then and my 'kinks' and 'needs' don't need satisfying anymore and far more vanilla than I used to be.

    Erotic Axphyxiation (holding the throat) is something that needs to be practiced safely, and I hope your partner knows what he is doing. I have been choked before in the past, by accident because the man (a different man to the guy I had the s/D relationship with) didn't know what he was doing, and seeing stars and coughing up is an instant turn off, putting me off altogether! There is technically no 'safe' way to do it, but if you enjoy it, always stick to hands and never use anything else around the neck. Generate some system so he will know if you find it a bit too much. I thought a safeword would be enough, but this guy held my throat so tightly, blocking all air, I couldn't speak or have him aware of the safeword! There was nothing malicious about it, just ill experienced and possibly porn influenced. So I'd reccomend a tapping system, like tapping on the arm means STOP.

    Not trying to scare you at all, but just warning you that lack of experience can lead to disaster sometimes. Safety first.

    But no, it is not unusual to enjoy it at all. ESPECIALLY when you have the right Dom to experience it and enjoy it with! :-)

    My first experience was when I lost my virginity, and it took me by surprise then! I think when you first experience and enjoy it, it will always take you by surprise! A good thing though. ;-)

    When I've experienced axphyxiation in the past my hands are the first to go, although this may be because my hands seem to have poor blood flow, though I'm not 100% certain it's just they are always the first part of my body to get cold etc. Tapping is a good idea, but if you're like me, maybe experiment tapping with a different part of the body, or making a certian sudden movement. I tend to find when I do experince it I have learned to switch off my panic responce a bit, it's still there for when things really get out of hand, but it's not there when first starting play in this manner. When my body started to adapt like this, because I was getting use to this kind of play, it was rather dangerous, as my responses where a bit unpredictable. Panic can be good sometimes to protect you, but other times it's not so good. I found when I panicked early on during play, there wasn't really any real threat to my body at these stages, until I started panicking because it would speed up my heart rate and shorten my oxygen supply quickier. Also the panick can also be dangerous at this stange because while at a later stage your limbs are a bit numb and floppy, at the early stages they have more oxygen and energy, so you may end up accidently whacking your partner. It may be something to take into account when you're still getting us to it. A lover and I found that having a timer on hand to time it so he only strangled me for short periods of time was handy.

    I've only had it go wrong a few. One time I passout as the person continued for far too long, although during this time we didn't have a safe word or anything, and I was a tad foolish and wanted to keep going.

    The other times is not the strangling going wrong, but the after effects. Generally I'd feel pretty heady afterwards, and a bit tripped out, this would often mean my head would flop backwards a bit if we where playing with me in an upright position, resulting in my head hitting the wall. So make sure you have pillows, and a comfortable place with space and distance away from the wall or a large head board.

    I'm not really a sub, I'm probably what people would call a switch with a more active Dom side. I do enjoy pain, but only when I am able to control it. Even the above play I've done from time to time was done on my grounds and rules, just my partners consented to help me try them. I think the only real sub thing I do is restraints and blindfolds, which I enjoy on most levels, but even then a lot of the time I can get a little frustrated.

    But there are many people who are submissive and enjoy pain. If you are enjoying it and are playing it safe, then there's no need to worry.

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