• Well, now what?

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    KebertXela [sign in to see picture]
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    Well, four weeks after kick starting our sex lives with a toy, I just had 15 minutes of mutually successful but entirely unsatisfying sex, after which partner rolled over and went to sleep, and I lay there for an hour coming to terms with the startling realisation that we actually spend less time than we did.

    Just a general moan........

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    KebertXela [sign in to see picture]
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    Talking was never my strong point, I'm not even sure what to say. 15 minutes of missionary isnt what we used to do on a friday night?

    Oh well, I'll try and come up with something

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    KebertXela [sign in to see picture]
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    I'll see if she wants to come love honey shopping later, good an in as anything I suppose

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    FoxyStoat [sign in to see picture]
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    That's alot of women for you comrade......hate to admit that but feel it's true....

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    jaycloth [sign in to see picture]
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    ...spend less time than we do what? Sorry, I didn't understand.

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    KebertXela [sign in to see picture]
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    Sorry, late, think faster than type, we are now spending less time having sex, since toys speed everything up,

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    KebertXela [sign in to see picture]
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    Never one to back away from a fight I can win with my barclaycard,

    Does anyone have any views on delay lubes and orgasm balms?

    I've got the LH wand in my basket and just upping my order to free shipping status :)

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    Horny Glass Lover [sign in to see picture]
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    KebertXela wrote:

    Sorry, late, think faster than type, we are now spending less time having sex, since toys speed everything up,

    How about slowing things down and pampering each other with some edible/lickable massage candles? Or some of the sweet treats on here

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    Naked_butler [sign in to see picture]
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    If the yoy gets her off it prob why she winds down after cumming with toy

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    KebertXela [sign in to see picture]
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    Mint Orgasm Balm

    Delay Lubricant

    Vanilla edible massage oil.

    Now all I need is to learn how to give a massage

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    FoxyStoat [sign in to see picture]
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    wow...i need more sex...i'm well out of touch.....please can someone oblige....?????????

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    Janny [sign in to see picture]
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    KebertXela wrote:

    Talking was never my strong point, I'm not even sure what to say. 15 minutes of missionary isnt what we used to do on a friday night?

    Oh well, I'll try and come up with something

    Mmm if your sexlife is going downhill, mabye toys are not the answer after all?? As always, and this is becoming such a tired kliche, 'communication' is the key word... x

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    KebertXela [sign in to see picture]
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    Order has been dispatched :)

    Vanilla flavour massage oil, hip whip, orgasm balm, mini plug, wand.

    Tomorrow should be fun

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    jaycloth [sign in to see picture]
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    Firstly, I accept that everyone is different - but my experience is that throwing money / material goods at this kind of situation didn't change anything. There's no point in having the trappings of a red hot sex life if the willingness isn't there.

    I'm also a total opponent of the candles and massage. Feel free to contradict me, but these are the most tired of all cliches and is the kind of advice that you'd expect to get off mumsnet.

    Put it like this - presumably you're after a permanent or at least long-lived improvement in the quality of your sex life? Things like the massage and the candles are either atmospheric or finite events. You surely can't be intending to turn your bedroom into a health spa everytime you want to do it? I don't see any evidence that creating a mood and "treating" one another is anything other than papering over the cracks.

    Over the years, I must have spent thousands on various schemes and goods - and none of it did the slightest bit of good except sometimes in the very, very short term.

    After years of upset, frustration and disappointment, the only thing that worked was to lay it on the line, talk and compromise(i.e. "that's good enough"). No more bargains or deals (I'll do this if you do that), but some kind of commitment to try and make things better and to both be absolutely clear where you want to be and where you want to end up.

    Trying to purchase your way out of a rut is the clearest example of re-arraging deckchairs on the Titanic.

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    GothicXIII [sign in to see picture]
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    You bought a wand to slow things down so you spend more time having sex......?? Sounds like you got the wrong end of the stick in regards to what this toy can and will do.....

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    jaycloth [sign in to see picture]
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    The wrong end of the stick probably would have slowed things down.

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    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
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    jaycloth wrote:

    The wrong end of the stick probably would have slowed things down.

    LOL! Love it

    Just one thing though Jaycloth. There is a difference between a rut, and a long term complete lack of interest in sex.

    Ruts can be worked out of with a little effort on both sides, and throwing a bit of money or energy (Massages, setting the mood, changing the atmosphere or trying something new) can help.

    I know from your previous posts that you are in a situation where one party is just not interested, at all and that its been going on yearssss. So it is quite understandable you have strong feelings of bitterness after all the effort you have put in to your love life to get, well, not much back. However, advising guys to give up, stop buying gifts, stop massages, stop making any effort is a bit....meh.

    A lot of Women like to be treated, women like massages, women are mental creatures and we need to have some sort of "mood" set every once in a while, women get off on a lot of things that require a lot more effort that just "poking it in and rolling over after"

    However so do a lot of men. Come on, men love to be treated too, and massaged and spoilt and spent time on.

    And keeping a score sheet (by either partner)is really not sexy. ("Oh I bought her a vibe, so she owes me a....." or "If you do the washing I will give you a....") However if it is clearly all one way then its not fair and its not on.

    To be honest, lighting candles and being all cliche does not work for me. I agree its cheesy and finite and probably wont get me in the mood. But I have my own tastes and if my partner just ignored them in favour of thinking "Why bother" I would think...."Well, why should I bother satisfying YOUR desires"

    Anyway I agree, communication is the most important thing if the problem is becoming long term and someone is starting to feel pretty rubbish about the situation. If it is just a little rut, they can be spiced up.

    ....and no matter how far into a relationship you are you should make an effort to bring new and exciting things to the table. I dont see why not as long as it is appreciated and reciprocated.

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    KebertXela [sign in to see picture]
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    The wand wasnt to slow things down, its just more "interactive" than the wevibe.

    You surely can't be intending to turn your bedroom into a health spa everytime you want to do it?

    Oh I can.

    I fully accept the "rut" is my fault as much as hers, if it doesnt work, we'll, then I can at least argue I'm trying and she can too.

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    Mrs Grey [sign in to see picture]
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    It is true that communication is the key. If you're finding it hard to talk, I can really recommend going to Relate. It is amazing how a few honest and frank discussions there can turn a relationship around. Also, you could try writing a letter if youcan't express what you are thinking and feeling. .. Hope things work out

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    KebertXela [sign in to see picture]
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    Opening sex toys whilst watching ST:TNG, must be a first :)

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