• FWB gurus, advice please?

    1361398868
    Stiff Little Fingerer [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 14
    • Joined: 3 Jan 2013

    So I had a fwb from Nov last year, we met while at college together in a class of three. Things were going fast we had been abroad together, had sex on first day of meeting outside college were using sex toys by the end of our 1st month.

    We had to see each other everyday at college and things started to get a bit stressfull I felt like we should maybe end things(We got on great during the holidays) We had a chat after college about things and I thought we had cleared things up between us, went back to mine and had sex. Since then we have ended things mainly their choice. For me because for things were getting very intense being back after xmas holidays, for them, I'm still not entirely sure but I reckon trust issues?

    During the recent half term I received the first text since we had split up at 2am asking if I wanted to go out with her friend, I said no and she asked if I wanted to go round to the flat instead, I said no again, wanting to try and keep some distance and self control. Couple days later I received a text I had sent them while we were seeing each other, one of the dirty kind if you get me. I replied saying something like it was a bit weird getting that, especially since we had finished.

    We are back at college again and things aren't as weird as before but I still have a strong attraction to her and I'm sure she does for me aswell as she keeps asking to do stuff outside of class but we just aren't compatible together while seeing each other everyday and I don't want to see her too much or my atrraction will just grow. Stressed isn't nearly strong enough word for how i'm feeling at the moment :S Advice anyone, would be mucho appreciated.

    1361411813
    lilac_vix [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 363
    • Joined: 9 Nov 2010

    The thing you need to ask yourself is WHY are you getting stressed when you spend time together, is it because you neglect other things or because you don't actually get on with each other when you're not having sex or because your scared of committment/things moving to fast (not a bad thing when you're young and ambitious).

    I think you need to be honest and tell her how you feel. If theres a lot of attraction there it seems a shame to waste it. Could you not just tell her that you'd like to go out but you also need to get your college stuff done so you can't see her more than 3 times a week or something. Providing you both agree a reasonable amount of time that could work very well. I'm sure she will have stuff she needs to get done as well. At least then A) you have time to do everything and B) you can relax and not worry so much about committment issues.

    If you decide you just don't get on with her except for sex then you should probably just tell her you don't want anything to happen between you again. Be clear and firm without being mean and continue to put distance between you like you are doing.

    1361412152
    fistinglover69 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 625
    • Joined: 25 Aug 2011

    dya know what, me and my boyfriend were friends with benefits for 8 months before we got with each other, and oh my golly, it was like something off the telly. we both liked each other but didnt wanna say, he was having sex with everyone thinking i was, so id make out as if i was too and then thered be millions of arguments and id get annoyed cause if he was allowed then so was i, even though i wasnt! and then id say 'thats it now, no more' and then would go back again, and all ourfriends were like JUST GET WITH EACH OTHER!!! and eventually we did and we're still here three years later and i love him millions and millions and millions

    moral of the story:if you like her, stick with her. yeah, not everyones gunna have a fairytale ending but worth a go. if you cant be bothered with her anymore, then just cut her off completely, but most of all, TALK, TALK, TALK! not enough people do this!

    1361414302
    Janny [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 679
    • Joined: 17 May 2011

    fistinglover69 wrote:

    dya know what, me and my boyfriend were friends with benefits for 8 months before we got with each other, and oh my golly, it was like something off the telly. we both liked each other but didnt wanna say, he was having sex with everyone thinking i was, so id make out as if i was too and then thered be millions of arguments and id get annoyed cause if he was allowed then so was i, even though i wasnt! and then id say 'thats it now, no more' and then would go back again, and all ourfriends were like JUST GET WITH EACH OTHER!!! and eventually we did and we're still here three years later and i love him millions and millions and millions

    moral of the story:if you like her, stick with her. yeah, not everyones gunna have a fairytale ending but worth a go. if you cant be bothered with her anymore, then just cut her off completely, but most of all, TALK, TALK, TALK! not enough people do this!

    Thanx for clearing this up, was just about to google FWB. #embarrasing

    1361416268
    fistinglover69 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 625
    • Joined: 25 Aug 2011

    Janny wrote:

    fistinglover69 wrote:

    dya know what, me and my boyfriend were friends with benefits for 8 months before we got with each other, and oh my golly, it was like something off the telly. we both liked each other but didnt wanna say, he was having sex with everyone thinking i was, so id make out as if i was too and then thered be millions of arguments and id get annoyed cause if he was allowed then so was i, even though i wasnt! and then id say 'thats it now, no more' and then would go back again, and all ourfriends were like JUST GET WITH EACH OTHER!!! and eventually we did and we're still here three years later and i love him millions and millions and millions

    moral of the story:if you like her, stick with her. yeah, not everyones gunna have a fairytale ending but worth a go. if you cant be bothered with her anymore, then just cut her off completely, but most of all, TALK, TALK, TALK! not enough people do this!

    Thanx for clearing this up, was just about to google FWB. #embarrasing

    hahaha, google is your friend

    1361459719
    Stiff Little Fingerer [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 14
    • Joined: 3 Jan 2013

    We get on fine when we see each other at college especially when it's just us two in class and we have almost all the same interests and veiws on subjects. I try to keep chat neutral and yeah probably neglect to talk about "us" although whenever chat does go that way we both talk in a postive way. She's 18, i'm 22 and I think she thinks I get alot of action with others when the truth is I've had 4 chances at a one night stand since we finished and have turned them all down.

    I'd happily tell her how I feel but it runs the risk of making things major awkward as we are college together till june next year, I'm just confused as she was the one who ended things and now shes sending suggestive texts at 2am which she never did when we were seeing each other. Thanks for the advice, it's a hell of a situation to be in, I might invite her out for a drink and chat tomorrow, try to get down to what it is we both want.

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