• Peoples opinions needed!

    1358086068
    somethingdifferent [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 1
    • Joined: 13 Jan 2013

    I have been the same for years now, but I always seem to find myself flirting or some how ending up with females sending me pictures, but the problem is I am in a relationship. Ive been with her for 4 years and I know I love her but for some reason I just can't help it.

    I don't know how she will react if I told her. I have never done anything face to face with anyone literally just sending messages (sexting) and recieving pictures.

    The pictures and sexting are rare but the flirting in nearly constant, it's just my way of communicating with women and they seem to enjoy it. They even know that I am commited but they still seem to carry on like I am doing nothing wrong.

    What do you think I should do? Am I doing wrong? Is it okay to carry on?

    1358087400
    Tracey3x [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 299
    • Joined: 27 Nov 2012

    I personally would be heart broken if my guy found enjoyment in sexting and flirting with other women, but that doesnt mean your a bad person!

    You say you enjoy sexting and how u like that they enjoy it too . . . maybe see if you can do that with her, send naughty texts to each other during the day, even if your in the same room!

    I think the girls you message obviously dont give a shit about others and how their actions could affect them, so if anything its 50/50 as to whos in the wrong since they should know better than to carry on messaging you like that knowing you have someone, so dont take on all the blame yourself

    :)

    xxx

    1358090391
    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2236
    • Joined: 18 Oct 2011

    I think this kind of thing can be an addiction. However when you are with a partner it is a bit of a selfish addiction. (Although I guess most addictions are selfish) I mean, you are just addicted to the buzz, or the ego boost as well as getting a sexual kick out of it.

    When I was younger I went through a stage of this and it is surprisingly addictive! That is not an excuse though. You ask "Are you doing something wrong" I would simply say it like this:

    If you are doing something that you are unsure/nervous about fully admitting to your partner, then you know you are probably doing something that he/she would not like or be happy with at all. Otherwise, why wouldnt you tell your partner?

    So I think you know that you are doing something wrong. Ok you might not be cheating in person but you are still investing emotional and sexual energy into other women as well as your time. I am also sure you are aware that most people would consider this cheating to some degree and most people would be pretty upset if they found out their partner was doing this. How would you feel if you found out your lady was doing exactly the same as you?

    As far as the other women not being bothered that you are with someone, well, that doesnt excuse it at all. It is your responsibilty to remain faithful to your partner, not the other girls. They are not in love with your partner, you are. You are the one that will hurt her (I guess) if she found out about this. You have the responsibilty to control your own actions. I have no idea why these girls carry on sexting you when they find out you have a partner. Although I did watch something on TV once that said a man becomes more appealing to other women when he is in a relationship with an attractive women. Almost like it is a competition. To see if they can get your attention away from your sexy or smart partner, which gives them an ego boost. maybe it is that, maybe they just do not care at all and just have their own lust that they want to sate, no matter who gets hurt. It is all pretty selfish. Temptation comes along, you resist it. Thats the unwritten promise you make when you get into a monogamous relationship.

    Like Tracey said, I would also be really hurt if I found out my partner was doing this behind by back. First of all I would feel that I wasnt good enough for him or did not turn him on or he was bored with me. I would be hurt that he lied to me and did something behind by back. It would probably ruin our relationship. I would be wondering if he was thinking about them while he was sleeping with me, I would be wondering why he needed this extra stimulation. To be honest the trust would be lost. Considering that is one of the most important things for a healthy happy relationship, losing trust would be a big deal. If I stayed with him I would constantly be wanting to check his phone or emails. If I saw him reading a text and smiling, my first thought would be "who's that" I would be arguing with him if, for some reason he was an hour late home, I would probably go completely off sex with him. I would be thinking "Wow, if he cannot even resist temptation when a girl flirts with him, what would happen if a girl came onto him in person, he would cheat for sure" I would resent him. Eventually we would probably split up, if not immediately.

    I would say that you can help it. Saying "I just cannot help it" is a false statement, we all have the ability to resist temptation. You are choosing not to stop because you are addicted to the buzz or the ego boost. In the process of getting this buzz or ego boost you are potentially going to really hurt the one you say you love. I would say if you dont want to hurt your partner, that it is not ok to carry on. Not unless you tell her everything, and both of you are happy with it. (Some people are) I think you should stop, and I think you are capeable. I mean if the doctor told you that if you eat one more bacon sandwich you will die, I am sure you could easily resist that bacon sandwich, no matter how much you love them. We all have the ability to resist. At the moment you do not feel enough risk to stop. Sometimes the risk is even part of the buzz, but seriously it is destructive. Eventually you will have to either find a woman who is happy with this behaviour or risk being in unhealthy relationships filled with suspicion and jealousy if or when your partner finds out.

    1358111922
    jaycloth [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
    • Posts: 78
    • Joined: 22 Feb 2010

    Not ideal and not particularly wise. Depends what she's like, though. If she's mega possessive and fragile, then this is only going to end in Greek tragedy. If she's laissez-faire, then it might be ok.

    On a night out, I found myself handcuffed to the captain of the university netball team for the night (and let me tell you, she was a fucking goddess). Nothing sneaky went on(probably because I'm old enough to be her dad), but I had to make sure my wife knew about it from me, because nothing would be worse than her finding out from facebook.

    1358113225
    MissJ [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
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    • Joined: 6 Jan 2013

    To be completely honest, I would consider this as cheating. I don't think that these women would be sending you pictures unless you were giving them some kind of a hint? Maybe your flirting is giving them the wrong idea, and although they know that you are in a relationship, flirting still isn't concreting that fact! You are the one that is carrying on like there is nothing wrong, not those women.

    As Tracey3x has mentioned, these women obviously don't care how their actions may affect the feelings of others, however I have to agree with Fluffbags and say that it is your responsibility to respect and remain faithful to your partner, and sexting other girls is neither. You have to put yourself in her shoes, how would you feel if she was doing the same? Would you consider it cheating if she was sexting other men?

    You need to ask yourself why you find the need to do this. Is it an ego boost? Have things gone stale in your relationship and you are looking for a bit of excitement? If it continues and your partner finds out, you could end up loosing her trust or loosing her altogether!

    1358113894
    WildThing [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1188
    • Joined: 22 Aug 2012

    Ork wrote:

    It's a form of cheating really, fliritng depending on the relationship isn't that big a deal, but pictures etc, unless she knew about it is cheating. So ask your self how you think she would react, becuase in most cases I would put money on it ending badly.

    I think I would have to agree, this could end terribly if you don't end it soon I'm afraid.....

    1358270059
    mrs average [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 987
    • Joined: 18 Oct 2012

    somethingdifferent wrote:

    I have been the same for years now, but I always seem to find myself flirting or some how ending up with females sending me pictures, but the problem is I am in a relationship. Ive been with her for 4 years and I know I love her but for some reason I just can't help it.

    I don't know how she will react if I told her. I have never done anything face to face with anyone literally just sending messages (sexting) and recieving pictures.

    The pictures and sexting are rare but the flirting in nearly constant, it's just my way of communicating with women and they seem to enjoy it. They even know that I am commited but they still seem to carry on like I am doing nothing wrong.

    What do you think I should do? Am I doing wrong? Is it okay to carry on?

    Hi there.

    I'm a very happily married women and mother copmletely in love with and devoted to my husband of 13 years.

    I enjoy exchanging cheeky banter and being flirty on chat as well as in real life in some situations, and my OH is quite outgoing and flirty, we don't see it as cheeting or an awful thing. However we both know about it and sometimes my OH dictates what I should write back when he looks over my shoulder when I'm typing, and he gets off on me flirting with other men.

    I think whatever you choose to do in your own relationship if it's consensual and you're not lying or hiding anything from eachother (and isn't illegal of course) then It is perfectly ok.

    It's when you hide stuff or don't tell the truth about what you're doing that it becomes a problem.

    1358353138
    sexy.hot.freak [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 25
    • Joined: 3 Aug 2010

    I don't want to go into detail as I'm still upset but I've caught my OH doing this to me last week.

    my heart is broken.

    I'm devastated.

    he knows he's done wrong, and I believe him when he says he hasn't met these woman and feels so stupid for risking our relationship. I believe when he says it was harmless on his part - that he didnt intend to meet them. but i do not believe when he says he couldnt help it - of course he did! he lied when i asked him what he was at that day. he denied everything when he was caught out. why would he lie and deny if he felt it was ok.

    now i love to flirt myself. I'm just a flirtacious person anyhow, but the fact is i don't hide the fact that i flirt with people. i don't sneak about sending and recieving pictures. i know where to draw the line. fuck sake i love my OH so much i don't need to sext anyone else or get them to send me pictures!

    I am honest with my OH and the fact he wasn't honest with me is what has upset me. The fact he kept it from me. the fact he risked us over a cheap thrill.

    I'm a pretty open person. I wouldnt mind if i knew about it. if it was a fun cheeky thing that we were all involved in, in some way. but i wasn't. the trust has gone and it's the breaking of that is what hurts the most. It also hurt that he doesn't send me pictures n flirty text messages anymore. n ignores when i even send him them! is he bored of me? maybe it's cuz I'm shit in bed, ugly, stupid? i feel like i'm not good enough. it's left me feeling quite insecure.

    now after a long hard chat we have decided to try. it will take time i know.

    it still hurts so much.

    you can help it. you do know you're doing wrong. if you loved your girlfriend enough you wouldnt risk it all on cheap thrills. if you need help. get it. don't break her heart

    1358706400
    Minxbaby [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
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    • Joined: 16 Oct 2010

    Aww Sexy.hot.freak I feel your pain and know exactly what you are saying, feeling, thinking and how you're hurting

    My OH did this to me as well and got caught out - the first time was a random woman who accidentally sent him a text but the second time was an ex - that was the one that really did hurt - I caught him out more than once. I knew that he hadn't met in person as we are 600 miles away.

    It's the deceit and lies and hiding things that was the worst especially as I know that he had originally told her that using FB was fine but no numbers (so that was the first thing he went back on), he said it would stop a few times (obviously went back on that one)

    We also nearly didn't get married because of this - it started before we got married and then started up again a month afterwards and each time he said never again and did.

    Hurt wasn't the word for it but he finally saw sense and did finish it and as far as I know has only chatted to her once in 2 1/2 years on FB

    it's taken me a long time to get over it and I still don't fully trust him over this particular issue or person but in other ways I do trust him.

    He needs to be open with you but you can't force him to do that by demanding to check his phone etc - that will drive a wedge between you two. Learn to look at him and what he does especially with his phone.

    You take care

    x

    As for your comment to the OP - totally agree - no cheap text thrill is worth your relationship unless you are wanting to get out anyway and if that's the case, man up and finish it

    1358707084
    Banksy [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 7
    • Joined: 20 Jul 2011

    You are a fucking tart mate :)

    When you meet someone you like and you find she does the same sort of thing, you will be gutted! :)

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