• Troublesome sexual fantasies

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    Georgina71 [sign in to see picture]
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    Are there any other women out there with troublesome sexual fantasies?

    I have always had a very active fantasy life; in particular, when I masturbate, which is fairly often, I imagine sexual situations in detail. My fantasies are many and varied; some of them are of a masochistic character, and involve acts that I would never consider in real life. For example, I may be forced to undress and perform sexual acts with a roomful of people of both sexes, who watch me and insult me in various ways. Now, to me sex is something that takes place between two people, I would not even consider the possibility of a threesome; but these are just masturbatory fantasies, once I am done they go away and do not bother me.

    Recently, however, I started having one that is troubling me. My partner, "Giovanni", with whom I am very happy, has a close friend, "Laura", who used to be his girlfriend. They lived together for years; this ended years ago, long before I came on the scene. Now she is married with someone else, but she is still Giovanni's closest collaborator at work; they see each other almost every day, sometime they take business trips together.

    She is much older than I am, but still a truly beautiful woman. In the beginning I was jealous; but we see her and her husband regularly as a couple, she has always been very nice to me, and I like both of them a lot, so this feeling (which I never confessed to Giovanni) has gone away.

    Recently I started imagining that Giovanni and Laura are having sex together, and I am their slave, forced to serve them in various ways; they abuse me, and call me very with demeaning terms. Usually I reach orgasm when I imagine him coming in her pussy.

    Now, I can't find the words to tell you how much I hate this. I try not to think about it, but when I have been going for a while and I am sufficiently aroused it will pop up into my mind and turn me on greatly. After I come, however, I feel pangs of jealousy and self-loathing. These don't last long, but I wish they did not come at all.

    I can't think of anything I can do to avoid this; if it does not go away I will start seeing a psychologist. Anyone else with this kind of problem?

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    WildThing [sign in to see picture]
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    Sounds like quite a destructive fantasy, could be a bit messy if it came to fruition........

    Perhaps watch some porn and get some other imagery into your head to avoid this one popping up. Hope that helps... :)

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    Dastity [sign in to see picture]
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    I make absolutely no claims to be a psychologist! So take this as you will, but given some of your previous posts (about domination, etc) and the fact that you see sexual relations as a 1 on 1 thing, that fantasy a fairly understandable extrapolation of your desires and what you consider taboo in your relationship… and isn't that ultimately at the core of any fantasy? But yeah, I agree with WildThing, it's a pretty destructive one if it was to happen, particularly with the history of the people involved. If you feel you need to talk to someone to deal with it, you absolutely should.

    Personally I can relate. While my troublesome fantasy is very different to yours (one of permanent chastity), it's never really gone away and it is my go-to-place when i'm masterbating. The thing is, I know it's only a fantasy, and I know it can never happen. After climaxing I have many of the same feelings (from doubting I even want that fantasy, to pity and a little self-loathing on top. The usual "WTF is wrong with me?" thoughts).

    Sometimes you have to just make peace with your fantasies, accept them for what they are (kinky fables to get you off), and be happy you have them. In my experience they're not going away, but they're also not destructive in and of themselves; acting on them may be.

    Again, i've never spoken to any one about this, particularly a psychologist, so I take my view with a pinch of salt.

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    Georgina71 [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks to WildThing and Dastity. About watching porn, I like some of it, but it's mostly tame f/f stuff, I don't think it would work.

    Of course, there is absolutely no question of this fantasy becoming real. It would be an awful mess, and I am completely certain that none of the persons involved would want it. Or, at least, this one of the last things of earth I would want.

    Dastity, I understand what you are saying about the origin of my fantasies. I just wish it was replaced by one of my standard "crawl naked on all fours in a room full of people mocking me"; at least when those are over I don't feel bad.

    But you are right, in itself it's probably not so different, and if I could come to terms with it not worse.

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    Dastity [sign in to see picture]
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    You're in a good place then? You know it'll never happen because you will never let it happen, regardless of the views/motivations of the people who would be involved. You're in control of it in that sense. You know it to be fantasy and never reality.

    Perhaps the reason you hate it is because you know it ticks many of the boxes that ultimately formed your early 'standard' fantasies? You hate it because you like it and the way it makes you feel... and that's ultimately the reason you keep having it? I think that's the way it works with me.

    Be wary of trying to replace it with something. You may implicitly try to move yourself to something harder/deeper. You have a fantasy you formed naturally, and you have the self control to realise it's nothing more than a kinky fable that you go to (whether consciously or not) during alone times. Try not to be so hard on yourself for forming it, we're complex things. All I know for sure is that i'd sooner have these fantasies than not; I think I understand myself a little better as a result.

    Same caveat though: It's just an opinion formed by my experiences, please do talk to someone qualified if you can't shake these feelings... and infact if you do, and my ramblings are earth-shatteringly bad, tell me ;)

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    Georgina71 [sign in to see picture]
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    You know it'll never happen because you will never let it happen, regardless of the views/motivations of the people who would be involved. You're in control of it in that sense. You know it to be fantasy and never reality.

    Yes, absolutely.

    Perhaps the reason you hate it is because you know it ticks many of the boxes that ultimately formed your early 'standard' fantasies? You hate it because you like it and the way it makes you feel... and that's ultimately the reason you keep having it? I think that's the way it works with me.

    Maybe, but I don't think so. I definitely ticks some boxes, or it would not turn me on so much; I loath it because it hits too close to home. Of course I would hate to be spanked naked in a room full of people, and have to service each of them sexually; the very idea disgusts me, as it would almost every woman. But something deeper and more personal is involved in my "Laura" fantasy: my feelings of insecurity toward her, my fear of losing my lover because of my inadequacy (this is fed by nothing that either Giovanni or Laura do).

    Of course I know perfectly well that this just a kinky fable; but you may be right, the way to go might be to just accept it. I any case, I finished a wonderful dinner after a long, wonderfully relaxed love-making session with Giovanni, and this makes me feel a lot better. Fortunately, my nasty fantasies only kick in when I am masturbating, never during sex with him.

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