• Bisexual or just want to have an excuse

    1355957387
    Stuburns [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1861
    • Joined: 23 Nov 2011

    Seems we come across more and more relationships with bisexual people. Now if my wife had told me she was bisexual and also felt the need to explore her "bisexual" side we certainly wouldn't have got married or even possibly had a relationship. I certainly wouldn't want to share and its definitely not an idea of mine for someone I am with to have sexual relations with someone else whether they are of another sex or not. I mean would it be ok to say to a brunette that I also need a blonde in my life or as well as Caucasian I would also like to have relations with an African. Or I am African curious so I need to pursue that. Now some people obviously are happy in this instance but if I was asked if my oh/girlfriend could take another lover of opposite sex I think my blonde to your brunette or Caucasian/African as another lover should stand in the same bracket. Opinions please

    1355959250
    OperationFilth [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 546
    • Joined: 12 Oct 2008

    I'm sorry but I think different genders are totally different from race/hair colour. And the "just want to have an excuse" reads fairly disparaging of bisexuals.

    I am a bisexual woman. I have done sexually monogamous relationships, but my current format is that of sexual non monogamy. I prefer it as we both have a lot of fun with extras, and it means my needs for female attention can be sated in a way that doesn't break the boundaries of our relationship.

    The crux of this isn't really about bisexuality at all. It's about whether to be sexually monogamous or non-monogamous. We're emotionally mono, sexually non-mono. This means we don't have relationships with others but sex outside the relationship is fine (within agreed rules).

    People, generally, are either okay with screwing others, or not. If you're not that's fine, but I think it's important to get into a relationship on the terms you want, and live the life you want.

    1356003296
    Stuburns [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1861
    • Joined: 23 Nov 2011

    my apologies if i have caused offense that was not my intention and i do not see bisexual in a derogatory sense. my question was really about being in a male/female relationship and one also wanted to pursue a bisexual relationship would it be considered ok for the other to also find another straight partner also because my view is sexual relations do not matter of gender. im not seeing it as whats good for the goose kind of way but merely an opinion from the bisexual person?

    1356006048
    protectyournuts [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 176
    • Joined: 19 Jan 2009

    Avrielle_Aniko wrote:

    I believe the question is not "is it an excuse?" but rather "Do you consider it cheating if such a situation were to arise?"

    That's what I think is meant, and I say I think it counts as cheating in my book, I'm a classic Monogamy Man myself, in my book this also applies to having a threesome. I would never take part in a MMF or MFF for that reason as either way in my book it involves one partner cheating on the other.

    I know people that don't mind it, and I'm not against it or bisexual with two partners or different sexes in itself, but it's just not my cup of tea! If it makes you happy, you rock it :)

    1356008396
    Dastity [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
    • Posts: 57
    • Joined: 12 Dec 2012

    Is it really a question of monogamy though? Or cheating for that matter? I completely understand the fears associated with this, and I know it can't be easy to find yourself in this situation, but ultimately if your partner suspects he/she may be Bi, and feels safe enough to confide in you and ask for your support... it's clearly very important to him/her. One of those potential life regrets, the kind that festers.

    It takes a lot of nerve to admit you're Bi-curious (I hate that term; i'm curious about sandwich fillings, not life choices!)

    I get the point you're trying to make though Stuburns, I just don't agree with it. One is a taboo/confusion that cannot be answered or experienced within the confines of the relationship, that may go unanswered, been present for many years and carries many risks... The other is "You're having sex! So i'm going to fuck a blond!".

    1356011937
    MsEllie [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 150
    • Joined: 11 Nov 2010

    I identify as 'pansexual' often called "Gender Blind" - in short this means I don't mind if someone is Male female TV / TS Pre Op/Post Op or staying in their biological gender but identifying as the opposite - In short - Anything goes. I am sexually attracted to the 'Person' not the equipment they were born with.

    This has NO IMPACT on my monogomy. I'll own up - I am polyamorous, I can love several people at once - HOWEVER: If I am in a commited Monogomous Relationship (as I am now) Then my sexuality, Sexual preferences, and any existing loves I have (Prime example being my best friend, We are both poly, both love the other, but both in commited relationships with others so would never act on it) - None of these make any difference to me.

    If I am with someone I am with someone- If we enter into a monogamous relationship, then I am faithful.

    As for 'just an excuse'. If I was going to cheat on someone - I'd cheat on them regardless of my sexuality, even if i were 'Just Straight'. My sexual preferences has no impact on my faithfullness as a partner.

    1356013709
    Georgina71 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 136
    • Joined: 11 Nov 2012

    I think I can see both sides of the issue. On the one hand, I completely agree that a monogamous relationship should be monogamous, and having sex with somebody else, of either gender, is a very serious breach of trust. So, yes, I would consider it cheating.

    On the other hand, I am mostly straight, in the sense that I am more attracted to men, and I don't think I could fall in love with a woman. But I have had sex with women before, which I enjoyed very much. While I have had some sort of deep emotional involment with each of the men I have slept with, my relationship with the women has always been exclusively sexual (on my part). So for me cheating on my partner with a woman would much less dangerous than with a man; and I know that he feels the same way.

    Still, I would not do it, because I am entirely committed to him, and even a less serious act of disloyalty is still a betrayal in my, and his, eyes. And I know that I wouldn't like it one bit if he were to cheat on me with a man.

    So, ultimately it depends on the attitues of both partners. In your case, you are not ok with this, and this makes it not ok. If a relationship starts out as monogamous, it should stay so, or the consequences can be very serious.

    1356029065
    Gyrator53 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 742
    • Joined: 27 Sep 2007

    An interesting question. I think the OP has a valid point as regards fidelity within a monogamous relationship. The fact that the range of people to which you are sexually attracted includes both genders is no more an excuse for infidelity than being attracted to both blonds and brunettes.

    Obviously, by mutual consent, one can structure your relationships in any way you like and again I see no reason why, subject to that caveat, a relationship where one has both a blond and a brunette partner is any less reasonable than one which allows for one to have both a male and a female partner.

    1356031271
    Stuburns [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1861
    • Joined: 23 Nov 2011

    Hella seems to have an understanding of the question. I have heard of a relationship where the other half is bisexual and she wanting to have another lover but her response to him wanting to have a relationship with another woman also was met with "but I'm bisexual" as if its ok because she wants someone of the same sex to have a relationship but he can't have a straight sex relationship with another woman. Also as if its ok to be bisexual and entertain that side of her orientation as it would be if he was also bisexual but not if he wanted a straight relationship.
    Bisexuality seems to be common in a lot of relationships with the other half seemingly having to accept that this bisexuality may be acted upon at any time.

    1356034989
    rose hip [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 1199
    • Joined: 19 Aug 2010

    If a partner told me that he or she had this very serious question about his or her sexual identity, I'd find it far easier to accomodate exploration of it than if the person told me he or she felt a compelling need to sleep with a blond.

    1356035777
    Stuburns [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1861
    • Joined: 23 Nov 2011

    Doesn't matter how you dress it up its still wanting to have sexual relations with somebody. One seems to be acceptable but the other isn't because it's straight sex which you already are having with the bisexual person in the equation.

    1356037657
    rose hip [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 1199
    • Joined: 19 Aug 2010

    Doesn't matter how you dress it up its still wanting to have sexual relations with somebody. One seems to be acceptable but the other isn't because it's straight sex which you already are having with the bisexual person in the equation.

    You asked for opinions. Am I not allowed to give mine? Did you not notice how I focused on the partner's sexual identity? That's not 'dressing it up'. It reflects what I see as the main concern. If exploring possible bisexuality deeply mattered to a partner, I'd consider accomodating it. I don't see how sleeping with someone with a different hair colour fulfills any need, so it does seem categorically different to me.

    Call me strange for thinking that if you like, but it is my opinion.

    1356038960
    cappy [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 22
    • Joined: 28 Oct 2008

    i think it really boild down to the i dividuals involved

    personally i think if someone is bi then if they want to explore then it should be done outside the realm of a committed relationship - unless BOTH parties were willing.

    i'd have a problem if mrs cappy wanted to explore as she is ina relationship with me and that exploration could lead to an affirmation she prefers female over me.Plus i don't think she'd be too chuffed if i was to turn around andd say you explore that young lady whilst inexplore the delights of another female. it does seem to appear that the word explore is used instead of the words i want to sleep with someone else.

    that said each person and each couple are individual within themselves and within their relationship - if both parties are happy and willing to ttake the asscoiated risks then who am i to say it is wrong - just becuase it is wrong for me doesn't make it wrong for someone else and i'd hate for some one to feel repressed or unhappy in a relationship.

    1356133819
    lilac_vix [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 363
    • Joined: 9 Nov 2010

    I agree polyamoury or open relationships are nothing to do with sexuality they are to do with the relationship.

    What constitutes cheating depends on the individuals involved and what they have agreed.

    I am not offended by the likening of bisexuality to preferring a blond or brunette. For some people it is that way. Bisexuality means you have an aesthetic attraction both genders. It doesn't mean you need to have both to be fulfilled. I tend to think of bisexuality without the aesthetic element pansexuality.

    Every relationship is a compromise and I find that if I enjoy a particular sexual activity with one partner I don't necessarily feel I am missing out if the next one isn't in to the same things, I just enjoy different things instead.

    I do believe that some people are polyamourous by nature and as a part of their sexual identity. These people need more than one relationship in order to feel sexually and emotionally fulfilled.

    I personally tend to identify as a gender queer, hetroflexible(or polysexual), pansexual with poly tendencies.

    -By this I mean although I am a woman I don't like to conform to the female gender stereotype. Aesthetically I am attracted to both men and women but predominantly feminine men, cross dressers and transgendered people. When it comes to a relationship I am more attracted to personality than looks and a number of people I have fallen madly in love with I was not aesthetically attracted to. I can be in love with more than one person at a time and have a relationship with more than one person at a time but can also be monogamous.

    I would not feel the need to use my sexuality as an excuse to cheat if I had agreed to and entered in to a serious relationship based on monogamy.

    My sexual preferences include exhibitionism, voyeurism, bdsm and swinging. I don't see these as part of my sexuality although they are part of my identity. For me they fall in to the same category as 'I like going to the cinema', or 'I like keeping pet rabbits'.

    1356186207
    morefun [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 153
    • Joined: 14 Dec 2010

    I don't think it is an excuse but boundries need to be set in any relationship. If a person is bisexual and wants a relationship with both sexes then they should be honest from the start before anyone has chance to get hurt. Its then up to the partner of whether they can live with that or not.

    I am not having sex with my partner because he wont/cant and I have a really high sex drive, does that give me an "excuse" to go elsewhere even though he isn't fullfilling my needs? No because our relationship is a monogomous one.

    That said i understand people can and do change their minds about things as they develop as a person so complete honesty isn't always possible at the start of a relationship but in that case either get over it and forget the idea, broach the subject and be prepared for your partner to either agree or be really seriously hurt that you would want to go elsewhere, or leave if you cannot reach a mutual agreement on what is acceptable within the relationship vs your needs.

    Post a reply to this thread

    Please sign in to post messages to the forum.