• regaining a sex life after pregnancy

    1355701989
    ronnie-baby [sign in to see picture]
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    I am due to be induced next sat to have our first baby, we are so excited and cannot wait. The thing is, although our libidos weren't exactly high pre-pregnancy, we have only probably had sex once during the pregnancy. Factors such as previous miscarriage put me off risking sex as I was advised not to initially for the first 3 months, and found out later on in this pregnancy I had a cervical ectropion which although normal, it was more likely I would bleed. Teamed with the fact of moving house, both trying and have only just now acheived job promotions so have been a bit mentally exhausted and me constantly feeling uncomfortable, unsexy and just generally fed up from pregnancy, we just didn't get around to making time for it!

    I am not one to be a prude, but I find it hard to initiate things now as it has been left so long. We have had the chat about it and we know we still love each other but my oh has said recently he wants to be able to turn me on like he once used to. I am not saying he can't, but I am just never in the mood anymore and last time we tried it was so uncomfortable as being pregnant I was naturally 'drier' and I couldn't find any lubricant about the house anywhere, I have since bought some.

    I just don't know what to do or where to start anymore? We have agreed that with recent events it has taken a back seat and have come to the conclusion that obviously it is going to be off the cards for the next couple months whilst I recover from the birth but it's trying to regain the confidence and enthusiam to try again....! It even feels awkward to me more-so being 'intimate' from an affection point of view as it doesn't come naturally to me anyway, but it's worse now that it's been left so long. We have just been so busy that when we spend time together which is weekends only at the moment as oh has been working away for promotion, our time is more focused on the baby who hasn't even arrived yet and preparing for it. We are fully prepared now and have been for a little while, but it seems to have been the main focus for me. I feel quite selfish, but I don't and haven't meant to be.It's not all bad, we have gone for meals out and such like to spend time together, just not that often and it's either spent watching tv or going to bed early as we are so tired from work and pregnancy. He is due to be home for xmas at the end of this week, but baby is being induced on sat, and yet again it's going to take over before we get to spend time together to regain 'us'- how it once used to be before 2 became 3.....!

    1355704180
    Tracey3x [sign in to see picture]
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    Hey, I cant talk from personal experience as i didnt have a relationship during my pregnancy and havent since, but sounds to me like you just need to find your spark again. I know the baby is due saturday, but maybe once you settle in at home and the initial 'everything is about the new baby' stage is over and you get into your routine, maybe you could try doing things together again, like going back to when u frist met and do the dating thing again, i guess u have family members who are dying to get hold of the new baby, so why not let them help out now and again (trust me youll want it for the break if anything!) and do things together again, im not saying jump into bed at be at it like rabbits! but building the relationship up from scratch again may help you both in the long run. and its a good way of keeping the flame burning so to speak. You already said u have both agreed that sex is most likely off for a few months, so why not use those months to do the getting to know each bit again. I wouldnt panick too much about not wanting it right now, when i reached 8 months the last thing i ever would have wanted was someone knocking me about in bed when i felt like a huge hippo, the last month is the hardest and im sure if you explain what it is youre going through physical he'll understand completely, its a big thing having a baby and every woman you meet will tell you right now in your pregnancy its about what u and your baby needs, nothing else should matter. it sounds like hes doing his best to be there for you through it all so be happy about that. Worry about the sex bit later. have your baby, enjoy it and let the relationship get back on course when your all ready. Dont rush anything

    Best of luck for saturday hun

    :)

    xxx

    1355785592
    ronnie-baby [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks Tracey that is some good advice.

    x

    1355785691
    Tracey3x [sign in to see picture]
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    If you wana chat at any point about anything just let me know

    :)

    xxx

    1355785722
    ronnie-baby [sign in to see picture]
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    Thank you.

    x

    1355786397
    yummy mummy91 [sign in to see picture]
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    for me personally with both my pregnancys i found i wanted more sex less so in my last month of course everyone is different. i agree with tracey try not to worry about the sex side of things just enjoy your baby an enjoy date nights an such. just try an have a cuddle an things without either expecting it to lead to sex once baby is here baby will bring you closer together .

    1356710821
    silverfox [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 16 Nov 2008

    Hi Ronnie-baby

    I have just read your post. I do hope all went well? I had a baby 10 months ago by emergency c-section and I had a pretty high sex drive beforehand. It is only just returning now. I would say that you get so caught up with the baby and I don't know about you but I struggled for ages with him being on the same landing as us to get down to it. The 1st time after the birth we had sex was at 5 months and I cried! I was very overwhelmed and found the rush of hormones too much. Just be gentle with yourself and take your time. There is no pressure and that ickle baby will take away any pressure you are both feeling. It's bloody hard work having a child and just enjoy the few baby months as the pass so quickly.

    xx

    1356724453
    fizzy [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi RB its good to see you on here again i was just wondering the other day if you had your baby yet!

    1356826262
    xPleasureSeekerx [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi :) Hope all went well with the birth!! New babies are so exciting :)

    Ok, so my advice would be to wait the 6-8weeks recommended after having the baby. Basicallly, it's uncomfortable and sore and it's probably the last thing on your mind now that you have a bundle of joy to care for ;) But eventually, you will want to have sex again and in order to make it enjoyable the lube is a great idea! I would suggest you let the baby have his/her first sleepover with grandparents and really try to make a night of it ie.dinner, dvd/cinema, few drinks etc so that there isn't too much pressure put on the actual lovemaking part! I had a baby 18mths ago and waited 4 weeks after giving birth to have sex. If I'm honest, I couldn't feel a thing the first time as I was pretty nervous about tearing anything or being sore, but once it's done the first time every time after that gets easier !

    Hope all is well with the little one, make the most of your time while they are small cos it doesn't last long enough LOL

    (Mother of a crazy toddler)

    x

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