• Total loss of sex drive?

    NaughtyT [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 21
    • Joined: 23 Aug 2009

    Last year I found out my husband had cheated on me. We split briefly and then last september decided to give it another go. Amazingly we are stronger now then ever and i am more in love with him then i have ever been. However in the last year we have prob had sex about a dozen time. Before i found out he cheated we had sex at least 3 times a week. The problem is me, I have just lost my sex drive and my husband is being very patient but its bordering on ridiculous even for me!

    I kept thinking it would come back but i have to face facts that something is wrong with me.

    Anyone had similar experience?

    Dee_licious333 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 1174
    • Joined: 16 Feb 2011

    Hi Naughty,

    Sorry to hear this has happened to you.

    The trust has been broken but you have forgiven him .. which is very commendable and through time hopefully you can begin to trust him again.

    Sex is more than just physical and when someone cheats on you, it takes time to trust them again and to allow them back into you your life at such a deep level because you dont want to allow yourself to be vunerable again. Could this be it?

    Subconsciously you may be putting defenses up because of the hurt you are feeling and you dont want to be hurt again.

    I do hope in time you can learn to trust him and even if you do now, that subconsciouslly your body, your mind will allow him back into your life.

    These things take time and dont expect too much too soon.

    In my opinion, you need to start feeling good about yourself, a few spa treatments, some new clothes/underwear, start feeling sexy and realise that things will change.. but only if you want them to!!

    Good luck


    protectyournuts [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 176
    • Joined: 19 Jan 2009

    I've experienced something similar, and actually had an opposite reaction. During the "recovery" period I was really angry, and at times it would just break through and we'd have really rough sex, as hard and as passionate as I could manage.

    To me it was like I had something to prove, there was no way in hell that I was letting my OH be taken by some asshole, she did it once, and I wanted to show her exactly what she'd be missing if she left me, but at the same time I was really cold to her emotionally for a good month or two.

    It may be different from a woman's angle, but like I said, I went completely territorial, if they went astray once they needed to know exactly why they should stay where they are.

    I know exactly how terrible it can be, and I know what you mean about getting closer emotionally, we've never been stronger that way, and the sex is back to normal now. Maybe you need to remember what you need is to get away somewhere, a nice meal, a nice evening, couple of drinks, maybe a movie, a real date night. Then head home/to a hotel and remind each other of what worked in the first place

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