• Everything is going well, but . . .

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    Georgina71 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi everyone! I am Georgina, new to this forum. This looks like a great community: I am hoping to get some advice.

    Recently I started a steady relationship with a gentleman, whom I love very much. He is twenty years older than I am, but great looking and very fit. In the past my love life has been rather turbulent. I have had a string of affairs, mostly, but not exclusively, with men; none of them ended well. Now I have "Giovanni" (not his real name), and absolutely want to keep him: he is exactly what I think a partner should be, very considerate and kind, in a virile fashion (I can't stand irresolute and effete men).

    In bed is extremely good, but there is a problem, about which I am soliciting your advice. He takes a very, very long time to come, thirty to forty-five minutes. He is very energetic, and at the end of a love-making session I am completely drained (and sore too). I don't think that it is because he does not like me, he seems very aroused, and is constantly fully erect.

    Is this normal? I have never had this problem before, only the opposite one. I don't know how to bring this up with him, partly because I would not know what to propose. This relationship is the most important I have ever had, and I don't want to do anything to jeopardize it. I will grateful for any suggestion.

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    mrs average [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Georgina!

    My husband is the same, we can never have a quickie but I do consider myself lucky in that department. Some positions are better than others at making him come quicker you just have to experiment. If we don't have all the time in the world (which we quite often don't) I just help him out manually with my hands or mouth.

    I do sometimes miss a quickie though, so I understand how you feel. You just have to be honest with each other and talk about what you can maybe try to do to improve things.

    Welcome to the forum, hope you enjoy it. x

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    Minxbaby [sign in to see picture]
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    Whilst I can't offer any advice, we met a couple as swingers and he (wouldn't say it was a problem for him but) when he met his partner, it took her over a week to make him come (they were having sex constantly) and it really got to her, so much so that when we got into the room within 10 mins she was humping my OH for all she was worth and wanted him to come inside her (safe sex was used) as she missed the feeling of having sex and finishing

    I think that you do need to bring this up as otherwise you may dread sex if it leaves you sore (forget drained that can be good or bad but not painful)

    If he's older than you, he may be taking something (viagra etc) to help him keep hard and delay finishing as he may think that you are expecting a stud in the sack when in reality you probably want something in between.

    Is the sex spontaneous (sp) or is it quite planned ie dinner, home (his?), sex about 30 mins later? If it's not then it's very possible that he is taking something.

    Why not try to seduce him when he walks in the door of your place (if that's possible) with no prior warning just to have a quickie before you go out/eat etc if it doesn't last long - again another clue about viagra?

    Many men take viagra even if they don't actually need it (hubby takes it if we are playing out just to make the evening last longer even though he doesn't need it) There is an article in this month's Cosmo basically saying this same thing about men feeling pressurised into performing with a new mate as that's what they think the woman expects rather than the truth that we mostly like sex but also like the after part without feeling like you've done 10 rounds with Mike Tyson!

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    Dee_licious333 [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 16 Feb 2011

    Hi Georgina, welcome to the forums.

    There is nothing wrong with a guy spending that length of time making love or longer. My guess is that he probably wants to ensure you are fully satisfied and is really enjoying it so much that he doesnt want it to end.

    My husband also takes his time when making love and when I have questioned it, he says that hes enjoying it so much he doesnt want it to end by cumming too quick.

    If you fancy a quickie, just suggest it to him or at least make it clear its a quickie.

    It sounds like your man is one considerate partner.. DONT LET HIM GO!!

    1352666708
    Georgina71 [sign in to see picture]
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    Dear Mrs Average, Minxbaby and Dee_licious333,

    thank you very much for your replies!

    I had never thought of Viagra. I can't swear that he has never taken it. However, we have made love on many occasions, and in some of them I am confident that he hasn't, for various reasons: for example, once I was supposed to leave for a business trip that was canceled, went straight to his place, and jumped on him (great!). He always takes forever. Probably it's just good genes; his father is in his 90s, is in good health, and looks look a well-preserved 70 year old.

    What causes problem is not so much the lenght of the lovemaking sessions, as the amount of continuous stimulation he takes to finish. I don't think he does it on purpose. I have absolutely no intention of letting him go; he is the best man I have had, from all possible points of view.

    Anyway, you are right, we need to discuss this. I'll also try to use my hands and mouth more (hands more than mouth, I am afraid: his, hum, endowment is considerable, and keeping it in my mouth for more than five minutes or so is a bit of a strain). I am sure he'll be understanding.

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    Dee_licious333 [sign in to see picture]
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    Georgina71 wrote:

    Dear Mrs Average, Minxbaby and Dee_licious333,

    thank you very much for your replies!

    I had never thought of Viagra. I can't swear that he has never taken it. However, we have made love on many occasions, and in some of them I am confident that he hasn't, for various reasons: for example, once I was supposed to leave for a business trip that was canceled, went straight to his place, and jumped on him (great!). He always takes forever. Probably it's just good genes; his father is in his 90s, is in good health, and looks look a well-preserved 70 year old.

    What causes problem is not so much the lenght of the lovemaking sessions, as the amount of continuous stimulation he takes to finish. I don't think he does it on purpose. I have absolutely no intention of letting him go; he is the best man I have had, from all possible points of view.

    Anyway, you are right, we need to discuss this. I'll also try to use my hands and mouth more (hands more than mouth, I am afraid: his, hum, endowment is considerable, and keeping it in my mouth for more than five minutes or so is a bit of a strain). I am sure he'll be understanding.

    Just explain that sometimes you wouldnt mind a quickie and yes, try oral and other types of stimulation.

    All the best

    x

    1352668592
    Nymeria [sign in to see picture]
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    Hm, you could try adding the use of sleeves/strokers to continue to stimulate him while you work up your energy, if that makes sense.

    Most of the products for men are usually aimed to delay rather than speed up. I'd suggest just trying out different techniques and seeing what works better. It's good to realise that you can't always be up for such long sessions and that's why I suggested the use of male sex toys that either he or you both can use in the midst of a session or even before.

    I'd recommend this good value beginner's kit that has all the essentials like lube and a vibe etc. It has all the basic items including a stroker for him. http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=22875

    Hope that helps.

    1352699552
    Georgina71 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
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    To Nymeria: Thanks, that's an excellent idea, although I am not sure I am quite ready to propose this. I'll try manually and orally first, see how it goes.

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    georgie69 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Georgina

    and welcome from another Georgina,there dosn't seem to be many of us about lol

    I'm afraid I have't really got much to add to the other suggestion made but good luck with whatever you decide to do Xxx

    1352733500
    dotdashdot [sign in to see picture]
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    My boyfriend is the same. I thought it was great at first as my ex used to come quite quickly. But it used to be that I had to always give him head to finish him off. It's got better with time and he does cum through sex now but sometimes after a 30minute session I do feel sore and uncomfortable.

    Have you tried lots and lots of foreplay, get him halfway there before you start having sex?

    Otherwise lube might help!

    Sounds like you've found yourself a good man though :) congratulations! x

    1352746414
    Georgina71 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi fellow Georgina! I love your name :-)

    To Dotdashdot: lots of foreplay is what I plan to do. And I'll try lube, I had not thought of that (I should have, of course).

    And, yes, he's great!

    Thanks to everyone, I really appreciate the advice and the support.

    1352749109
    Nymeria [sign in to see picture]
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    Georgina71 wrote:

    Hi fellow Georgina! I love your name :-)

    To Dotdashdot: lots of foreplay is what I plan to do. And I'll try lube, I had not thought of that (I should have, of course).

    And, yes, he's great!

    Thanks to everyone, I really appreciate the advice and the support.

    Lube is a must! No wonder you feel sore/tired after such long sessions. If you don't use condoms or toys then I'd suggest the use of silicone lube- it's luxurious and lasts ages.

    If you do want to try out the basic stuff including toys and lube the beginner's kit I linked above really is a bargain bundle to try out first. =) You could use the bullet to stimulate yourself and him.

    Or pick any 3 of these items for £10- http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/special-offers/1779/

    I'd recommend this lube too from that offer- http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=25000 You can use it with anything as it's water based.

    1353051077
    Georgina71 [sign in to see picture]
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    Dear friends, your advice was excellent. Here is an update .

    Yesterday I explained the situation to Giovanni, as diplomatically as possible, presenting it as a compliment to his virility (with men, it never hurts). He was quite understanding; he says it has always taken him a long time, but it's getting worse with age. Then he explained to me some of the things that arouse him, and might make the session a little quicker. At that point I was in the mood for it, so we went down to business.

    First, lots of oral sex, on both sided. (By the way, finally a man who knows how to give head! ) Then I stimulated him manually for a while, while saying some really obscene things. This was not so easy, does not come natural to me, but it's a big turn-on for him, and I discovered that saying outrageous things is actually fun! This was interspersed with some other activities, which I won't describe, because I am a prude at heart .

    Then he penetrated me, with lots of lube. I never had a problem with lubrication, so I had never used it, except for anal sex, but I discovered that it does make a difference even for vaginal sex. He still took a while, but not as long as usual, and with several different positions, it was fantastic. In the end I was tired, but not at all uncomfortable. I had had a large number of orgasms, and it's been the best lovemaking session of my life. I look forward to a repeat during the weekend.

    Thanks to everyone who replied, you have been great. RIght now I feel like the luckiest woman in the world!

    1353057771

    [suspended user]

    suspended user
    • Rank: Major
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    • Joined: 1 May 2011

    Georgina71 wrote:

    Hi everyone! I am Georgina, new to this forum. This looks like a great community: I am hoping to get some advice.

    Recently I started a steady relationship with a gentleman, whom I love very much. He is twenty years older than I am, but great looking and very fit. In the past my love life has been rather turbulent. I have had a string of affairs, mostly, but not exclusively, with men; none of them ended well. Now I have "Giovanni" (not his real name), and absolutely want to keep him: he is exactly what I think a partner should be, very considerate and kind, in a virile fashion (I can't stand irresolute and effete men).

    In bed is extremely good, but there is a problem, about which I am soliciting your advice. He takes a very, very long time to come, thirty to forty-five minutes. He is very energetic, and at the end of a love-making session I am completely drained (and sore too). I don't think that it is because he does not like me, he seems very aroused, and is constantly fully erect.

    Is this normal? I have never had this problem before, only the opposite one. I don't know how to bring this up with him, partly because I would not know what to propose. This relationship is the most important I have ever had, and I don't want to do anything to jeopardize it. I will grateful for any suggestion.

    hey Georgina71

    welcome to LH, will be happy to chat with you.

    XOXO

    J.J.

    1353074999
    Georgina71 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
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    • Joined: 11 Nov 2012

    To J.J.: sorry, I am completely monogamous, and also not interested in cybersex.

    1353083093
    bellatrix [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 9 Nov 2012

    hi georgina

    like yourself my partner is 20 years older than myself we hae been together 3 years and from the very start he has always taken a long time to cum i know that this is a little persnol but is your partner secrcomsized coz i do know that it dose make a big differents in the feel (for him) we have both found that doggy works best for my partner but i know not everyone is the same other than saying to you to keep expermenting and trying differet things there is not much i can say but i do understand how frustrating it is

    he dose sound like a keeper and im sure you both will have great fun together xx

    1353102530
    Georgina71 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Bellatrix,

    no, he's not circumcised. He is most definitely a keeper, and we are .having a lot of fun together.

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    ksw1980 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi, we had a similar problem too. My problem is that mentally I seem unable to cum despite the best efforts of my OH to get me there and some energetic sex for us two! We've got to the stage where penetrative sex is not the be all and end all, and let our fingers do the talking more than we used to do.

    I'm glad to see you've found something that works and are happy in and out of bed! :)

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