Thanks for the responses. They definetly made me think.
To be clear, im not considering having an affair. Its just that a lifetime feels like a long time to keep this suppressed.
Watching porn and going to strip clubs to enjoy this is already a bit of a secret and i fear you have to go further and introduce more deceit to keep getting the buzz, and where does that end.
You are right that its a communication issue. I joke about it and flat out ask fairly regularly, but she doesnt know just how important this is and how much i want this. I guess i need to take a leap and just explain it at the risk of looking stupid.
Im slightly embarassed that such a small thing can end up being so important in what is generally a well balanced life!