• Dads in the delivery room, good or bad?

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    ghostgirl [sign in to see picture]
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    My husband didnt want to be at present at the birth until we were told our son had died, he sat with me through an induced labour and delivery. Being there meant he got to hold him and say goodbye.

    When I got pregnant the second time he still didn't want to be there but I asked him to, I felt that after such a painful experience he needed to see the positive side of it. After that he said being handed a tiny purple thing was the most amazing thing. Our daughter could always wrap him around her little finger.

    Personally I think Dads should be there,although I understand why many don't want to be.

    xGGx

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    Chamelian [sign in to see picture]
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    ghostgirl wrote:

    My husband didnt want to be at present at the birth until we were told our son had died, he sat with me through an induced labour and delivery. Being there meant he got to hold him and say goodbye.

    When I got pregnant the second time he still didn't want to be there but I asked him to, I felt that after such a painful experience he needed to see the positive side of it. After that he said being handed a tiny purple thing was the most amazing thing. Our daughter could always wrap him around her little finger.

    Personally I think Dads should be there,although I understand why many don't want to be.

    xGGx

    He's a good man, nice that he could be there after a heart wrenching time for both of you and glad the second time was positve. GO dads! xx

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    TTurtle [sign in to see picture]
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    Chamelian wrote:

    OHHH way bad but that's personal experience and lack of understanding my partners knowledge and it was the final nail in the coffin of my marriage and put a huge strain on my son's relationship with his dad as we weren't on the same page!!! I think it is very hard for someone to watch someone they love go thru such pain and they wish they could take it away.

    I have heard since that some professionals believe that the women feeels freer to yell when not with the partner. I had a fairly easy natural birth and i felt - and made sure that I was in control the whole time - not pushing on contractions that didn't feel right and only a 5 hour labour for my only son - unfortunately I moved location during pregnancy and antenatal classses didn't start til after I left the south and were due to run after my delivery date in the the north - my attitude was that if young girls ( sad I know) can do this alone, classses were irrelevant - to me it was all fine - lots of gutteral loan moans and being stubborn but I had my husband there - It wasn't til it was over that I heard him say to the midwife "that was like watching torture" and I looked up and he was green followed by he thought IT came out the size of a puppy!! Wish he'd had a class!!!!. He got home after to my mum's and she asked sooo? meaning granddaughter or son and he just said "that was the worst day of my life!" He was angry with me that I had forgiven my child for the pain and refused to even acknowledge him for about 3 weeks!! 4 years on his young g/f had hideous complications with the birth of his second child and he text me to say how stoic she was!! Things ok with his son now but clearly he adores his daughter - so glad I could help his understanding of birth and that he could be there for his g/f and daughter, and really am but do feel hard done by for my son - rightly or wrongly x

    Oh god that is so so awful..honestly, I can't begin to describe the emotions I felt (I cried more than my newborn son thats for sure), so sad to hear that other men can't appreciate the fact that a new life has been brought into the world that you both have created and only see it as torture. Sorry to hear that Chamelian x

    Chamelian wrote:

    TTurtle wrote:

    I wouldn't have missed it for anything..I nearly did, I arrived 5 minutes before my son was born but I am so glad I was there, best moment of my life bar *none* ..cutting the cord was a bit icky but it's not left any emotional scars ;)

    Guess it depends on the man and so glad it was positive, icky at that point fine it gets you used to the ick that little one produce frequently.

    Ah when I say icky I just didn't expect..well aha it's not for the faint hearted but again I wouldn't have done it any other way, I was so proud to be able to.

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    Chamelian [sign in to see picture]
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    Good for you and I know most men, man up so to speak, think it is great and normal. I got Oh god no I'm not cutting that, but it's ok, I feel proud of me that he could be there for the g/f thru his experience of me - not sure how much of the texts were b/s for my benefit but hey ho!! and it was a dignified divorce at least from my point - now the g/f (oh god this sounds so bitter) 23 years his junior comes to my house weekly with the baby as my son adores his sister and then we collect him from school (other mother find it bizarre that I get to carry the baby as she not so keen!! - just sad that both ex hub and g/f see me as the mother in their lives - but willing to do that to strengthen my son's relationship with dad, even thou family and new partner see it as ODD!!! But it does urk me when I hear that there are good men out there and I begin to wonder was I really soo bad - just have to put it down to my dodgy decision making - and I wish I could do it again with a supportive partner but time ticked away so not realistic gonna happen and have to be gratefull and happy with the fantastic clever son I have - all my doing OF Course!!!!! (actually more luck than judgement!!) He he x

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    TTurtle wrote:

    Ah when I say icky I just didn't expect..well aha it's not for the faint hearted but again I wouldn't have done it any other way, I was so proud to be able to.

    By the time our daughter was delivered there were about 20 in the delivery room, they asked permission for students to see it for their training, not the intimate experience we imagined. Anyway after our daughter was born the consultant "delivered" the placenta, it came out with a slosh and covered him with blood and stuff, amused all the midwives and students who didnt like him at all.

    As to the subject of the thread, I think with some men they go "off it" after childbirth sometimes because they see their partners as a mother more than a lover, some guys I know have alluded to it if not saying it outright.

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    RandyMuppet [sign in to see picture]
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    I was there both times, wondered why men get so worked up about it.

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    Ron Burgundy [sign in to see picture]
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    Its a personal thing, can't imagine why a man wouldn't want to be present or why his partner wouldn't want him there. I was present for the birth of our daughter and it was the most moving experience of my life. I remember feeling completly inadequate though because there isn't much the man can do but offer moral support. Its an incredible thing to witness and i would have regretted not being there. But its up to the couple, there is no right or wrong answer

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    BJ51 [sign in to see picture]
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    I was there with both of mine in the early 90's.. After my eldest was born there was no way that I wanted to know anything about sex for at least the next fifteen years despite the fact that the birth was quick with no tearing and only a little blood. My ex was pretty big boned and popped both kids out with minimal fuss. I had in any case heard that women needed at least 6 weeks time to recover which was fine by me.

    My daughter was born on a Monday night at around 10pm. I was a nights worker and I walked into the house the following Monday at 7am (none of this silly paternity leave rubbish back then) just in time to hear my wife utter the words that I really didnt want to hear.....

    "Do you fancy a shag? I think its time we tried it again."

    After having watched my daughter being born there was no way I wanted to even think about sex and as they say, I made my excuses and did a runner! :)

    Personally I prefer the old fashioned way when men were men and babies were born without dad being present and if I were in the position again - God forbid - I would not want to be present. Waiting room, cigars, glass of scotch...

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    Rugbyman [sign in to see picture]
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    I was there for both of mine one c section and one vaginal amazing expenses and have not changed a thing for me. We are closer than ever and seeing her in that situation made everything stronger.

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    Kohaku [sign in to see picture]
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    I had my partner there, I was bringing OUR child into the world, we had made him together and we were gunna meet him together. He then cut the cord :)

    I personally dont understand men who dont want to be there for their partners, or women who dont want the father in the room, but each to their own x

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    ShiftyBlue [sign in to see picture]
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    I was present at all my children's births, personally i would not have missed it for the world and found the whole experience not only fascinating but exciting and moving too, however I did find it hard to see my wife in that much pain and felt totally useless, the only job I did have was to wipe her brow with a damp cloth which pissed her off eventually and ended up getting chucked over the other side of the room, with my only useful job taken away I was left to just think when the next cuppa might come along and who the hell would cook my dinner that evening! ;)

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    la83 [sign in to see picture]
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    Well my hubby was with me during labour of our son but they would not let him into the theatre incase of emergency, my son was breech/forceps delivery.

    Our first daughter, he delivered her in the bathroom, caught her just in time.

    Our second daughter was born in hospital and he was there too.

    He was very proud to of been there.

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    afraidnotscared [sign in to see picture]
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    I was there at my son's birth (emergency C-section - very dramatic.) I wouldn't have missed it for the world. I'll always be able to say I was the first person to give him a cuddle & that's something really special to be able to say.

    I must confess I was a bit squeamish about the idea of a vaginal delivery, but had things gone to plan & we'd gone down that route there's no way I'd have not been in the delivery room.

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    My wife broke her foot just 3 weeks before the birth, the cast added a touch of comedy to the proceedings.

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    Gyrator53 [sign in to see picture]
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    Personally I was there for the birth of our two - both difficult with one a c-section - and am happy that I was. I'm sure that there is no absolute right or wrong with this but a very individual preference. However, I bet there are many couples where one or both partners would prefer that the father was not there but it has become 'expected' and has become almost an element of political correctness.

    Perhaps couples should have a sealed envelope bid on this to try to avoid the cases where neither wants him to be there. However, I don't buy the idea that it could undermine a relationship unless it wasn't much of a relationship in the first place.
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    Wilbre [sign in to see picture]
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    I was there for both of mine, both miracles that I would not have missed for the world! As for the teen years, well that's a different story!

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    dirtymonkey [sign in to see picture]
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    i was there in the room at the birth of my son and and there was slight complcations near the end. i found it best to be out of the way of the docotors and nurses and was a little worried about getting in the way etc. or doing somthing stupid and its stressful and worrying and after 3days of labour i dont feel like i knew what was going on as i was so sleep deprived.

    its good to be a supportive man but i feel a modern man is over pressured to be out of his zone

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    suze9 [sign in to see picture]
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    Mine was there during both my emergency c-sections and he was the only one who helped keep me calm. 1st time was a relativly straight forward emergency c-section as he had got stuck but the second time lead to my twins being born at 33 weeks and I couldnt have got through it if he hadn't been calm.

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    OperationFilth [sign in to see picture]
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    It probably depends on the couple involved, but tbh personally I feel that if that 'ruins' your relationship, I'd question how great it was in the first place. No offence meant by that but I just really can't get my head around it...

    As for us, I'd definitely want him there - and I'd feel free to yell as much as I liked! I'd need him there during souch a difficult, scary time.

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