• I cant have an orgasm

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    Lady_scarlett [sign in to see picture]
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    I own two rampant rabbits.

    3 bullets

    jiggle balls

    have a boyfriend

    nothing gets me off any suggestions???

    1350319748
    la83 [sign in to see picture]
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    Time! Loads of foreplay but don't rush it and more importantly relax, getting really aroused before any serious business may help. Getting in the right frame of mind helps too.

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    goodgirl93 [sign in to see picture]
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    do you get turned on? dyou feel anything at the time? is it more like a constant thing with no climax? or dyou not feel anything atall? xx

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    Dee_licious333 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Lady Scarlett, are you talking about a gspot orgasm or clitoral or both? I imagine you are talking gspot orgasm which I do not have any experience in unfortuantely.

    If you mean clitoral orgasm, I was over 30years old when I had my first clitoral orgasm. It was completely out of the blue. For me its about being relaxed, being a little horny (maybe build up to it with some foreplay before trying to orgasm). For me, it was just stimulation from my partners fingers, I felt I was able to help him get the tips of his fingers into the right position which for me is important as it can be rather sensitve down there. But he would kiss whilst he was rubbing my clit and this seemed to do the trick. From then on, every time he stimulated my clit, I would cum.

    From previous threads I do know how difficult some people find it to cum. I have never cum from gspot stimulation and would love to one day. So dont give up and try to relax and have fun which I am sure you are doing.

    I agree with others, try and get fully aroused beforehand.

    1350320198
    Cat Lady [sign in to see picture]
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    I can't either. I've tried fingers and 6 different toys since discovering LH in February but no luck. It also seems to be harder the more I try. No boyfriend though. Not a very helpful post from me, I know, but if it's any consolation, you're not alone.

    1350320599
    Dee_licious333 [sign in to see picture]
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    I find watching porn - porn that appeals to me can help or has helped in the past. Its not for everyone though. The mind is quite a complex thing and I think the more you try the harder it is. So maybe just lay off trying for the orgasm for a few days or a week and just pleasure yourself. It may be that are becoming less sensitive if you are trying every day or several times a day so give yourself a few days or a week or so without trying and see if that works

    1350321229
    goodgirl93 [sign in to see picture]
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    Cat Lady wrote:

    I can't either. I've tried fingers and 6 different toys since discovering LH in February but no luck. It also seems to be harder the more I try. No boyfriend though. Not a very helpful post from me, I know, but if it's any consolation, you're not alone.

    Always here to talk to if you wanna talk through it and find something which may help :) x

    1350321344
    goodgirl93 [sign in to see picture]
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    i have off days too, i know its not the same level, but when ive been going at it for 3 hours or so and just have to face the fact that its not gonna happen that day, could be a psychological thing? I know if my heads too full its a bugger to concentrate xx

    1350321572
    Dee_licious333 [sign in to see picture]
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    Thats an awful lot of time to be going at it dont you think GG? I would give up after 20 mins lol

    Maybe there is truth in that the more you try the harder it is then. I would imagine its possible to desensitize the area and it just needs to return to normal which means leaving it alone for a day or two perhaps. I am only guessing here.

    1350321734
    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
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    I think one of the first things to do is to figure out what turns you on. Try different things, for example maybe a memory of a session you had with your partner, maybe reading erotic fiction will titilate your mind, Maybe watch some porn, Maybe make up your "perfect fantasy" in your mind. Try to find things that give you a reaction when you think/read/see them. Keep looking around and experimenting with different types of material and different types of sex/fantasies etc until you begin to understand what works for you. Everyone is so different, from missionary position to a variety of different kinks and fetishes. Dont be afraid to learn what makes your body tingle and dont be ashamed of it.

    The next thing to do, when you have found a sure fire way to arouse your mind, and you feel your body responding to that, is to experiment with different types of stimulation, as again this is such a personal thing. Keep trying your bullets/rabbits/fingers, try them slowly, try them fast, try them in different positions and places, maybe it feels better inside, maybe directly on your clit etc, and start to get an idea of what is working for you, when you can feel a building of excitement its probably working for you (Can I just point out that for me anyway, and maybe a lot of other woman that this "building" feeling is slow. It takes time, its not like porn where you see a bloke touch a woman and shes screaming the house down within 2 minutes and gyrating on his face, I mean it can be, but thats not the usual lol)

    So that brings me onto the next point, patience. One of the best things you can do (and take my word for this as i have struggled in the past) is to NOT think of how long it is taking, to not think "why isnt this working" to not start getting cross with yourself or frustated. It really is true that if a womans mind isnt in the right place shes going to have a difficult time with it. The best thing you can do isjust go into your fantasy, or just enjoy what you are watching/reading, without analysing what your body is doing or how you are feeling. Literally just focus only on the sexy thoughts, and the nice feelings. I know this can be the most difficult part to do

    And then just play, dont even TRY to cum, dont make it the mission, dont make it the end goal and that if you dont you failed. Just say in your head "ok well this feels nice so I will continue, if I dont cum so what....this feels nice and thats all that matters" and go with that, go with what your instincts tell you. Try not to be too tense in your body just relax (some people are the opposite and struggle to cum without tensing up all their muscles to push them there, thats an individual pref, again whatever feels right for you)

    You might and probably wont cum the first time, second time.....etc but I suspect if you keep on trying and really try to let go of the frustrations and annoyance you feel about it, then one day it will sneak up on you and really take you by surprise! :D

    Hope this helps in some way xx Good luck

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    Cat Lady [sign in to see picture]
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    goodgirl93 wrote:

    Cat Lady wrote:

    I can't either. I've tried fingers and 6 different toys since discovering LH in February but no luck. It also seems to be harder the more I try. No boyfriend though. Not a very helpful post from me, I know, but if it's any consolation, you're not alone.

    Always here to talk to if you wanna talk through it and find something which may help :) x

    Thanks, I appreciate it. :-)

    But I have to say, when it hasn't worked after an hour of trying, I will usually get bored and give up. I couldn't try for 3 hours straight. Sometimes I think I should give up altogether...

    One thing I will say, and I don't know if this is a possible cause for lady_Scarlett too, or if others will have an opinion on it, is that I think one of my biggest issues with failing to orgasm is fearing the loss of control. I find it very difficult to let go in any situation though. It's not specific to sexual matters.

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    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
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    Yes Catlady it can be exactly that, even in a previous thread I read about squirting there was a similar theme with the "Im scared im going to pee so I cant let go" and i really think that the sensations as you build up can be intense with both types of orgasm and to be honest when its not happened to you before it can be a bit scary. You are not sure what to expect, that trepidation is causing your mind to kick in as you get close, take over from your body and start worrying. And yes I can confirm that if your mind decides to do that, then the feelings just die down.

    1350322502
    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
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    I am speaking from the point of view of someone who had no problem having orgasms and then went through a stage where something happened to me that started putting doubts in my head about my ability to orgasm, the more I thought about it the more I couldnt! I had no problems before and now I couldnt....I couldnt understand it at all......thankfully I figured out it was in my head, I was pressuring myself too much, which had the opposite effect. The more this happened the worse it got. I mean this kind of proves how much your mind effects your orgasms, because I knew what I liked, how to be touched, knew what turned me on, knew how to get there and then that happened. and it was all because of self doubts, pressuring myself, feeling inadequate the list goes on until the thought of me trying the start playing was enough to kick start the anger lol. I had to literally realise it was in my head and go back to square one... I had to tell myself if I didnt cum so what. I had to try and wipe every thought of all of the negatives out my head and realkly relax and slowly it came back. Your mind and your feelings play a huge huge part in your ability to orgasm, the main part xxx

    1350322517
    Dee_licious333 [sign in to see picture]
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    Cat Lady wrote:

    One thing I will say, and I don't know if this is a possible cause for lady_Scarlett too, or if others will have an opinion on it, is that I think one of my biggest issues with failing to orgasm is fearing the loss of control. I find it very difficult to let go in any situation though. It's not specific to sexual matters.

    Maybe there is something in the past that is holding you back, you might not even be aware of it perhaps. I am sure there are gels and things that you could buy that might help, check out the arousal creams/gels and such on here. Not saying they would work but they might help.

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    PinkPolkaDot [sign in to see picture]
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    I've had the same problem not that long ago and I found this amazing helpful page on a blog but it's not there anymore I'm afraid :( it basically gave tips on how you should look at yourself properly first, sit down in front of a mirror, get some lube and work out what feels good. BUT don't pressure yourself and don't try to have an orgasm.

    Give it a few days and try again when you're turned on. If you struggle watch some good porn, read erotic fiction, anything that will get you aroused. I think trying it yourself without your Oh around first will be better as you won't be pressured. Take it slow and just do what feels good - touch your breasts, stomach, thighs, arms before going in for your vagina.

    I wish I could find it as the tips were very helpfull and there is no way I can explain it as well as they did. I will have a look and get back to you if I find it.

    1350334535
    Cat Lady [sign in to see picture]
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    Lots of interesting and helpful comments here. While this wasn't my thread (hope Lady_scarlett will forgive me for jumping in) I just wanted to say I will try to follow the advice posted here.

    I've tried the mint variant of the Bombshell balm and it does help increase arousal, at least up to a point. I've got the cherry one to try at some point too (thanks TT)

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    Master's Phoenix [sign in to see picture]
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    This is a problem I used to have. It took me until I was over 40 to orgasm. Not really sure what changed the situation, but I remember the first time very well.

    I had completely de fuzzed my pubic area, and noticed how smooth and soft it was. I ran a bath and started to discover myself. The warm water relaxed me completely and before I knew it I was squirting in the water.

    Since then orgasms have gone to the other extreme, and I can cum without much stimulation at all.

    Could be worth a try.

    1350335729
    Cuddly Hubby [sign in to see picture]
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    I don't know whether this is any help, but when my wife initially found clitoral orgasms elusive, she found that one of the best places to experiment was in a nice warm bath, with plenty of time for her to relax in comfort. One of my wife's "blocks" was the thought that she might squirt, or otherwise make a mess, and so being immersed in water was a great way to counteract any worries about "getting dirty".

    Even if it doesn't help to solve the problem, it might be a pleasant enough idea to try.

    Edit: I see that Master's Phoenix also mentioned the bath idea while I was typing!

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