• Instigating Sex

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    bemmyscot [sign in to see picture]
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    I was just wondering, how many of the ladies out there, in long term relationships make the first move? I have been with my OH for over 13 years now and she tells me its up to me to turn her on, so just wondering if I was in the minority or what?

    Thanks for all the replies I hope.

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    KinkyFuckery [sign in to see picture]
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    Yeah I make the 1st move sometimes been with OH 9 yrs

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    Aphrodite2011 [sign in to see picture]
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    Been with OH for nearly two years.We tend to be in tune with one another time permitting. Us ladies need to be cuddled carressed first rather than go straight for sex. Could that possibly be the problem. Just trying to help

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    killerbunny [sign in to see picture]
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    I've been with my gf 3 years and she makes the first move sometimes, but usually it's up to me.

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    Dee_licious333 [sign in to see picture]
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    50/50

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    Mr normal [sign in to see picture]
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    Almost 20 years together if I dont make a move I won't get the very rare occasion she will say or will try it on but we do enjoy a very good sex life and I always make sure she gets what she wants communication plays a very important part when trying to satisfy each other

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    xPleasureSeekerx [sign in to see picture]
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    In a relationship almost three years and I leave it up to him to instigate it, as he has declined so many times when I instigate I've just given up at this point :/ Kinda annoying but dunno what to do!

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    Lou22 [sign in to see picture]
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    Been with my oh 4 years and would say its bout 60/40 with us but he has said he likes to initiate sex anyway. But sometimes i do need a bit more attention before sex, cuddling or massage etc, makes me feel more wanted :)

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    rach74 [sign in to see picture]
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    been with mine 7 years and i would say its 50-50, he knows when im horny and vice versa, other times send texts through out the day saying what you are going to do to them when you get home etc, i dont think i could cope with not making the first move, when im horny i want it lol, not going to wait for him to make a move, he may not be horny at that time, if you want it go for it ~!

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    [suspended user]

    suspended user
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    My wife has a "tell" I know when shes thinking about sex...been together 30 yrs

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    morefun [sign in to see picture]
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    I used to make the first move 99% of the time. Then I gave up cuz he got less and less interested. I've since discovered he has a medical issue which he is now seeking help for so fingers crossed there is light on the horizon.

    Sorry but I think it is highly unfair that things are one sided, it causes so much hurt over a period of time, if there is a reason for it then it needs talking about, "its your job" is not a reason.

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    Honeytongue [sign in to see picture]
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    I made the first move 98% of the time. That is over 22 years. Caused a lot of emotional pain and rejection.

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    Minxbaby [sign in to see picture]
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    It's usually me that makes the first move on him - I have at times, kept track of it all....he denies it of course and says does it matter.....but yes, it does.

    It makes you feel rejected and unloved and unwanted (as others have said)

    During the times I have kept track it's been like me making the first move for 2 weeks every night then I just stopped and he didn't do anything and we ended up falling asleep night after night as I wasn't going to give in (until the next time)

    He then turns it on me and asks what's wrong as I haven't initiated sex!

    Can't bloody win.

    Sorry....rant over

    I think that both parties should make the effort and first move - it makes both of you feel appreciated and wanted

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    jasec [sign in to see picture]
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    Its 50/50 for me & the OH

    I understand you girls wanting the attention, kisses, cuddles etc & i do give her them but from a mans point of view comin home to the OH in sum sexy LH lingerie & nothing else is horny & lets you know exactly wot she wants lol

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    Aphrodite2011 [sign in to see picture]
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    I agree with what you are saying jasec. I like that too when my other OH is coming home

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    hotscot [sign in to see picture]
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    my wife never instigates sex which i find extremly frustrating . I think it would make me feel like she really desired and wanted me if she made the first move .

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    bemmyscot [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks for all the replies, I agree its frustrating that a single partner has do all the instigating even starting with cuddles and touching. It does make you feel rejected that when you instigate and you just get the brush off.

    In a way its good to see that I am not alone and that its not only a single sex issue.

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    MarriedMan [sign in to see picture]
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    I have to say reading through these comments has made me feel better!

    I initiate sex 99% of the time but in reality the success rate is less than 10% as she is often not in the mood. Like others on her it makes me feel rejected and I will go through spells of not bothering at all - the result is we then argue and I start to question if we still love each other at all.

    I think many people have this same scenario where one wants it more than the other, if I knew the answer or had any tips I would happily share!!

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    ShiftyBlue [sign in to see picture]
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    I would say it's about 60/40 in my favour between the wife and I, although im not sure dragging her to the bedroom by her hair and shouting 'come here wife' counts really! ;)

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    alfjaf [sign in to see picture]
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    I do all the running. Been with my wife for 14 years and she only makes the first move on the rarest of rare occasions! There are times when I'm supposed to be a mind reader and she moans at me the next day for not making a move! I tend to give her a heads up these days that I'll be pestering her later! I guess things could do with freshening up, but thats a whole other thread!

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