• General advice / starting out!

    1349507390
    Shy guy [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 18
    • Joined: 1 Jul 2012

    Hi,

    I'm questing that I'm not the only one in this position, but would like some advice/pointing in the right direction.

    I'm 39 and my wife of over 10 years is 38. We have two kids (11,7). Mrs Shy guy has read 50 shades.......

    Since which our sex life has increased 10 fold. At one point it was hardly monthly but now it's three/four times a week.

    When I first meet her, she told me she had been to an AS party and all the girls brought a rabbit. I had previously brought her a little clit kit. But since reading 50 we have wanted to try more things but we are both shy/ a little insecure and one won't take the lead over the other.

    I have since brought her a large suction cap dildo (she loves but we wish it was more solid), a waterproof clit toy cum vibrator (which again she loves) we have started a little anal play, mainly tickling hers with occassional fingering.

    At the start I went a little OTT and brought a four piece restraint, flogger, anal beads. She doesn't know about the anal beads as she was unsure about the flogger. I didn't want to push her too far.

    My question is two fold really
    1) although sex is great at the moment, is this a honeymoon period post 50! If so is there any advice on how to either keep it fresh or deal with the post honeymoon phase.

    2) any advice on what next (sorry we both have sheltered life's) we dont want sub/Dom but a little light bondage teasing I would be happy with. Not sure she's 100%. Hence why the restraints have yet to be used.

    Finally I would love to have her backside, which she knows and has suggested "training"(must be a 50 shades thing) but she backed off at two fingers!

    Any advice/suggestion would be great.

    Shy guy.

    PS sory if I've dripped on to long.

    1349513036
    Fr33b1rd [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 203
    • Joined: 3 Feb 2009

    The key to keeping it fresh is communication...

    talk to her as her what she likes if that sounds too difficult text or email. Leeave hr romantic notes in places to find throughout her day.

    You could try on of the board games which encourages discussion like

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=662 or http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=18601

    If she enjoyed 50 shades treat her to an erotic book very month

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/fun/erotic-books/erotic-fiction/ there are 48 on lovehoney that's 4 years of hot sex

    give her free rein to put together a wishlist on here, find out what she would like to try.

    Let her know you find her attractive and love that your relationship has been revitalised but don't forget the other aspects of your relationship too, make sure you are supporting her in the home so that she continues to have the energy for sex.

    1349515870
    Sleazysue [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 40
    • Joined: 4 Feb 2012

    I think there are lots of us on here who are looking to keep the spark in our marriages/ long term relationships. We used ties/ silk scarfs etc before using anything from here, just seemed less intimidating. My OH often restrained me just by holding my arms above my head, then started to tie me up, etc. I'm sure we are very vanilla compared to lots on here, but it worked for us. I don't have anything to add about anal: there are loads of helpful posts on here that will get you started. As has been said, you need to communicate; you need to know what each other wants. Maybe she could use 50 to read out loud things she would like to try if you're both finding it tricky to articulate what you're thinking about. Your wife may have panicked at 2 fingers as she wasn't sure what you were going to do next, and might not have felt ready for anything else. So just tell her. I like to send my OH texts telling him what I want him to do, in-between reminding him to pick one of the children up and buy some milk!!

    And have fun!

    1349534495
    Butterfly-Wings [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 115
    • Joined: 12 Jan 2010

    Firstly hello and welcome :)

    Some fab advice already given here. Having good communication is always key. Fr33b1rd gave a good suggestion with treating her to erotic books if it's something she enjoys. Maybe you could both go shopping together? Or have a little look online see what you both like... LH does a fantastic range of lingerie too. Feeling sexy can make a big difference opposed to "same old"

    1349547405
    Electra [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 15
    • Joined: 13 Aug 2012

    My OH and I are also pretty new to this aswell so there's a bit of solidarity here

    In regard to restaraints I really do reccomend it but if she's not 100% with it I would agree with Sleazysue and start by just using your hands, and I still love it, if she's ok with that try some soft restraints like the Lovehoney Tease Me Satin Restarints, they're really comfortable, not in the least frightening and feel lovely too.

    As for anal, this was again something I was new to when I met my OH, unfortunately he wasn't and thought I wouldn't be new to it either, end result being me nearly hitting the roof! I'd advise taking it slowly and gently. Use your fingers there whislt having sex, during foreplay and oral, it all helps, and before you try anal sex make sure she is relaxed or it will likely be painful and not a lot of fun a bit of lube probably wouldn't go amiss either.

    Good luck and have fun

    1349556412
    Nymeria [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1072
    • Joined: 26 Mar 2010

    Shy guy wrote:

    My question is two fold really
    1) although sex is great at the moment, is this a honeymoon period post 50! If so is there any advice on how to either keep it fresh or deal with the post honeymoon phase.

    2) any advice on what next (sorry we both have sheltered life's) we dont want sub/Dom but a little light bondage teasing I would be happy with. Not sure she's 100%. Hence why the restraints have yet to be used.

    Finally I would love to have her backside, which she knows and has suggested "training"(must be a 50 shades thing) but she backed off at two fingers!

    1) The only way I think to keep fresh is to keep communicating; explore and experiment together. Also remember to give eachother space, and when things get hectic to have some time allocated to spend together.

    2) People always seem to think about the deep-end when it comes to bondage. I would suggest using a blindfold. The Tease me Lovehoney bundle as suggested is amazing for starters and pure quality- http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=25727 Once you have your partner blindfolded, if she agrees try tying her up gentle and use sensory play. This can be by gently and teasingly trailing the flogger across her body. Using hot and cold water beside you and licking her over. You can also try giving her a massage. You can build up on this together. =)

    As for anal, there are quite a few threads out there for this purpose and some guides. Main advice to give is the use of lube but nothing more than that, sorry. I'm not a fan of this act.

    Hope that helps and good luck.

    1349560569
    Master's Phoenix [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
    • Posts: 36
    • Joined: 11 Sep 2012

    Hi, welcome.

    I too, am new to the sexual experimentation side of life. after reading the 50 books I discovered that using these toys were not painful and dark, as my parents had lead me to believe.

    I have enjoyed a totally new outlook on life since, I discuss sex and toys with my hubby, and we know more about each other's likes and dislikes than ever before.

    In the last few weeks I have tried new toys, outfits, gone out without underwear on, started anal sex and trying bondage. As well as watching and reading erotic stories, sending explicit emails and having orgasms like never before.

    I know that many don't like the 50 books, but it has opened my eyes and so far I am enjoying the experimentation. Today I received a PVC outfit, and loved the reaction from my hubby, and now 'Dom'.

    Take things at yours and your wife's pace, I was apprehensive about anal sex, but when I was very relaxed and horny, we tried it, I loved it. Some things may take time, but as long as you both trust each other, you will have fun. Hope that helps.

    1349563896
    Shy guy [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 18
    • Joined: 1 Jul 2012

    Many thanks for all the advice and support. I'll take a look at the novels as she has just re-read the 50 trilogy. Although I can't say I wil be re-reading them ( I read them to keep up with the BH)

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