• Libidos not matching

    VinRouge [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 2
    • Joined: 21 Aug 2012

    Hi there

    I'm pretty new to all of this, but I thought from what I've read on here, this would be the best place to come seeking advice.

    My OH and I have been seeing each other for about 6 months now but we have dated off and on for several years, it just never became serious until the last 6 months.

    In the past, both of us had very high libidos. We flirted constantly, sent lots of sexts, sent each other lots of racy photos etc.

    However, a few months before we got together, her sex drive massively diminished. She went from masturbating a few times a week to rarely bothering to do anything to herself at all (going 2-3 months without anything).

    It's also meant that things are a little strained in the actual relationship. My libido has gone nowhere, which means I've still got my strong sex drive.

    Recently we went two weeks without seeing each other at all, when I got back it was two days before anything sexual occurred at all and even then I led it (went down on her until she had cum no less than four times and then we had sex...but she barely moved) and felt a bit...unfulfilled.

    I'm really concerned about this. I felt for a long while it must be me, but she assures me it isn't and that it had started going before we got together (plus I know a lot about her past sex life and I can, happily, do things for her no other guys have been able to do).

    I don't know what to do. I've tried to give her space and time but then if I don't begin things, nothing happens at all and with my high sex drive I feel completely unsatisfied...and if I mention it at all she gets annoyed at me.

    Am I in the wrong?

    KinkyFuckery [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 3774
    • Joined: 10 Jul 2012

    Best thing is to talk each other & maybe your coming on to her my spark her lilbo again , its hard I know what you mean I am 4yrs younger than my other half & I want it more than he does

    sam [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
    • Posts: 56
    • Joined: 5 Jun 2009

    women's sex drives do change due to hormones and other factors like stress and over worked. I'm myself at 27 have found that my sex drive has dropped off the planet in the last 2 years where as my gf's who is the same age is still horny as ever. I get really frustrated that i cant keep up and i feel like i cant satisfy her needs. Ive been looking into getting herbal remedies but nothings working so i'm just riding the waves and hopefully it will come back sooner rather later. if you can identify any hidden factors and eliminate them this should help but sometimes it just is.

    VinRouge [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 2
    • Joined: 21 Aug 2012

    Hi there guys and thanks for your responses.

    We've talked at great lengths about it and she can't figure out what's happened. She just suddenly...stopped caring about it. She hadn't changed pill or anything, she isn't any more stressed than before and nothing in her life had really changed so she doesn't know what caused it.

    Like I said, I've tried everything from giving her loads of space and not trying for anything right up to buying her toys, surprising her naked in her bed one day etc.

    I just, don't know what to do next and it is really starting to worry me. I want to move this relationship to the next steps by moving in with her as we've discussed it for a few months but am concerned this will further highlight the problem as we'll be together a lot more often.

    Electra [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 16
    • Joined: 13 Aug 2012

    This might sound silly but she could try a change in diet. It's amazing what food can affect and if you don't eat properly it can really hit your libido so it could be a place to look if nothing else is working?

    Also try doing stuff that has no sexual context to make her feel special and that you want her hopefully then the sex will come.

    Northern lights [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 156
    • Joined: 6 Jul 2010

    Unreciprocated affection and desire is not a nice place to be. Ive been there. Its lonely. So many questions.

    You seem to have asked the right question sin the right order, but not reached the answer or resolution. Maybe changing the tone will work. Perhaps try to explain the effect that the miss match is having on you, your feelings and its likely outcome. Long term hows it going to play? Is there a strong emotional connection?

    RandyMuppet [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
    • Posts: 79
    • Joined: 20 Nov 2010

    Been there. My wife has a miserable, high stress, low pay job that completely knocks the wind out of her for 80% of the time. She's working on improving things but doesn't want to quit. This means for me that 30-40 weeks of the year I have to put up with her coming home in a stress, working until she falls asleep in the armchair with her laptop then waking up in a grump and heading off to bed. When she doesn't go to work for a few days we spend time together, enjoy going out and sex is incredible and frequent. Drives me nuts but as I said we talk and she's working through the problems.

    Electra gave you some good advice, go out on dates, have fun and make time for each other with no pressure and no interuptions. See where that gets you.

    One thing we did is set a curfew on working from home. No work after 8pm for either of us. We also go out on a "date" at least once a week, this can be cinema, pub, walk, car boot sale or even getting the groceries from a different supermarket together. The general idea is to shake things up and spend time together. Now your situation is not the same as mine but give it a thought. It's amazing how far a picnic and a bunch of flowers can go.

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