• Female masturbation -- any downside?

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    Cuddly Hubby [sign in to see picture]
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    I was discussing female masturbation with my wife earlier today.  She said that she enjoys it, and that it kick-starts her libido -- she might not feel at all interested in sex beforehand, but once she's done it, then it leaves her feeling horny for the rest of the day.  Obviously, from my point of view, this is a good thing!

    I asked my wife why she doesn't masturbate more often (usually it's when I prompt her!).  She gave me a puzzled look and said that she wasn't sure, but that she had it in her mind that it might be bad for her.

    I'm not aware of any medical evidence that there's any problem with regular female masturbation -- indeed, I seem to recall that some studies concluded that it may be beneficial.  Does anyone know better?

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    SubReiSkyeM [sign in to see picture]
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    I don't think there's anything bad about female masturbation, like you said. I just think that perhaps she gets off more doing it when you ask her to and thus the idea of doing it alone off her own back doesn't come up.

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    Adventurer [sign in to see picture]
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    It releases happy hormones! Makes blood pump harder/faster round body which can deter heart disease/stokes etc along with other healthy lifestyle choices. Myself an thousands of women everywhere masturbate with no ill effects. Hth

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    Mrs Grey [sign in to see picture]
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    No bad side effects at all. If anything, it has the opposite effect as it releases happy hormones and stuff. Tell her she should do it daily. The world would be a much better place if everyone did it...

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    fistinglover69 [sign in to see picture]
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     i hardly remember to do it! when i remember i do it 4/5 times that day though

    maybe thats just how it is with your wife

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    Cuddly Hubby [sign in to see picture]
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    Many thanks for those replies -- very encouraging! 

    SubReiSkyeM wrote:

    I just think that perhaps she gets off more doing it when you ask her to and thus the idea of doing it alone off her own back doesn't come up.

    There's something in that -- indeed, my wife has admitted that she seems to get off more when I tell her to do it (whether or not I'm with her for it).

    Maybe I should try sexting her at opportune moments to instruct her to get on with it. 

    fistinglover69 wrote:

     i hardly remember to do it! when i remember i do it 4/5 times that day though

    maybe thats just how it is with your wife

    Another interesting point!  When my wife has finished, she says how great it was and that she ought to do it more often.  Then a sort of amnesia seems to creep in, and many days pass by without her thinking of it (often, until I remind her).

    Maybe I should get my wife a masturbation diary, to record her activites and associated fantasies.  Then she might get into a regular routine, and be encouraged by her own feedback.

    I've also started to encourage my wife to touch and caress herself while she's reading steamy fiction.  Again, she seems to enjoy it, but the idea didn't seem to have occurred to her before (or maybe it was better coming from me, as SubReiSkyeM suggests).

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    Honeytongue [sign in to see picture]
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     Make it part of a pampering routine. I definitely do a lot of mine at times like in the bath or shower. Your wife might do it more often if she associates it with times for a little self- indulgent attention like that. Then those times can become a habit that can kick start other opportunities.

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    shellyboo [sign in to see picture]
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     Honestly, she's probably just conditioned to think that it's dirty and bad (hence the "it's bad for me" idea) and so it never really crosses her mind until you ask her.

    I have to ask my partner for permission when I want to masturbate, which makes the whole thing so much hotter! I think if my libido was less, I'd really enjoy having him tell me to do it, or remind me to, but as it is he doesn't need to, haha. I think it's a great idea, CH... suggest it to your wife and see what she says!

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    xrd_man [sign in to see picture]
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    shellyboo wrote:

     Honestly, she's probably just conditioned to think that it's dirty and bad (hence the "it's bad for me" idea) and so it never really crosses her mind until you ask her.

    I have to ask my partner for permission when I want to masturbate, which makes the whole thing so much hotter! I think if my libido was less, I'd really enjoy having him tell me to do it, or remind me to, but as it is he doesn't need to, haha. I think it's a great idea, CH... suggest it to your wife and see what she says!

    That really does sound like a good idea .... hmm

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    KinkyFuckery [sign in to see picture]
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    Cuddly Hubby wrote:

    I was discussing female masturbation with my wife earlier today.  She said that she enjoys it, and that it kick-starts her libido -- she might not feel at all interested in sex beforehand, but once she's done it, then it leaves her feeling horny for the rest of the day.  Obviously, from my point of view, this is a good thing!

    Once yu start you always want more I have to say it has to be done and it good for you to understand you body so I can tell my OH how I like it : )

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    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    Nowt scientifically suggests it's bad for you but as shellyboo said it's something that's often drummed into women!

    It can be a contributor for problems of course - for me the muscle contractions can be a little uncomfortable and it can hurt my skin when it's dry but I have a medical condition. That's the only real issue I can see - it possibly contributing to conditions.

    Adx

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    Cuddly Hubby [sign in to see picture]
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    Honeytongue wrote:

    Make it part of a pampering routine. I definitely do a lot of mine at times like in the bath or shower. Your wife might do it more often if she associates it with times for a little self- indulgent attention like that. Then those times can become a habit that can kick start other opportunities.

    I like this idea! I'll try adding a few extras to my current routine for my wife's bath -- maybe provide some candles, chocolates and soothing romantic music (but not Michael Bublé -- there is a limit!).

    Currently, I think I do a reasonable job. I often pour the bath, add bubbles (not Bublés), and ensure that potential interruptions are headed off so that my wife knows that she has plenty of time to relax and enjoy herself. Once my wife is in and soaking, I take her in a nice mug of tea (her favourite) and ask her with a wink whether she's having fun. That all seems to work quite well.

    shellyboo wrote:

    Honestly, she's probably just conditioned to think that it's dirty and bad (hence the "it's bad for me" idea) and so it never really crosses her mind until you ask her.

    I think you've probably hit the nail on the head! In some other aspects of our sex life, my wife seems happier to do things (and enjoy them unreservedly) if she hears that I want her to. It's as if explicit "permission" from me as her husband overrides her conditioning and frees her up. The feminist in me finds this somewhat offensive, but if it works for her then I guess that I'd better go with it! It's a bit odd because in other aspects of our marriage we behave very much as equals (indeed, in our wedding vows, we removed the traditional "obey" clause from my wife's side because we didn't agree with that lop-sidedness).

    shellyboo wrote:

    I have to ask my partner for permission when I want to masturbate, which makes the whole thing so much hotter! I think if my libido was less, I'd really enjoy having him tell me to do it, or remind me to, but as it is he doesn't need to, haha. I think it's a great idea, CH... suggest it to your wife and see what she says!

    OK! On second thoughts, perhaps I need to relax a bit more about this and regard it as a bit of a game. After all, if a bit of permission-giving or instructing gets us both what we want, then it can't really be a bad thing. It might even be fun. We'll discuss the idea and maybe report back.

    Alicia D'amore wrote:

    Nowt scientifically suggests it's bad for you but as shellyboo said it's something that's often drummed into women!

    Yes.  It's the sort of patriarchal hypocrisy that gets me quite annoyed.

    Alicia D'amore wrote:

    It can be a contributor for problems of course - for me the muscle contractions can be a little uncomfortable and it can hurt my skin when it's dry but I have a medical condition. That's the only real issue I can see - it possibly contributing to conditions.

    There are definitely no physical issues of this sort for my wife.  I'm sorry that there are for you.

    Thanks once again for all the replies.

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    Sleazysue [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm in my 40s, and have masturbated since I was a teenager. But it's not something I ever remember discussing with anyone other than my hubby.and I didn't have a particularly innocent and naive time back in the day, but I can very easily image that your wife may have got the impression it was wrong. We have three teenagers and I have a pretty full on job so interestingly I often need my hubby to suggest it's something I do. I'm much hornier generally if I have bit of me time and I still love it lots. I'm sometimes away overnight with work, and I love it that he always texts me and tells me what I should to do to myself :) And I always book a hotel with a bath!

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    Cuddly Hubby [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks, Sleazysue! 

    I feel reassured by all of these replies, and a lot more comfortable about encouraging my wife to indulge herself with masturbation. I'll find some gentle and playful ways to do this -- for starters, I'm thinking of suggestive texts to her when I'm out, and little notes in pampering packages that I present for her "me time" at home.

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    shellyboo [sign in to see picture]
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    Cuddly Hubby wrote:

    Thanks, Sleazysue! 

    I feel reassured by all of these replies, and a lot more comfortable about encouraging my wife to indulge herself with masturbation. I'll find some gentle and playful ways to do this -- for starters, I'm thinking of suggestive texts to her when I'm out, and little notes in pampering packages that I present for her "me time" at home.

     

    It's really great that your inner feminist is rebelling against the idea of instructing her to do things, but from what you describe there -- that your desire for her pleasure makes her feel more free in her sexuality -- it really does seem like she has a bit of a submissive streak. Which absolutely isn't incompatible with feminism! Feminist sub right here :) 

    I'm not saying you should run out and buy a collar and leash, but it might be helpful for you to acknowledge that as a part of her sexuality, and something she enjoys, rather than something you have to do in order for her to have pleasure. If that makes sense.

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    punchnjudy [sign in to see picture]
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    i like to maturbate in front of my partner he thinks its a real turn on when i cum

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    Longsword [sign in to see picture]
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    punchnjudy wrote:

    i like to maturbate in front of my partner he thinks its a real turn on when i cum

    lucky fella

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    Cuddly Hubby [sign in to see picture]
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    shellyboo wrote:

    It's really great that your inner feminist is rebelling against the idea of instructing her to do things, but from what you describe there -- that your desire for her pleasure makes her feel more free in her sexuality -- it really does seem like she has a bit of a submissive streak. Which absolutely isn't incompatible with feminism! Feminist sub right here :)

    I'm not saying you should run out and buy a collar and leash, but it might be helpful for you to acknowledge that as a part of her sexuality, and something she enjoys, rather than something you have to do in order for her to have pleasure. If that makes sense.

    Great! I'd really love the opportunity to discuss these topics in more depth -- though this thread probably isn't the right place for it.

    I do "get" the Dom/sub ethos (as opposed to popular misconceptions or the twisted 50 Shades... version). One of my real-life female friends is a closet sub, and she took the time to explain it to me carefully.

    I don't see female submission, done properly, as conflicting with feminism (at least, the version that I subscribe to, which is about women having maximum access to opportunities and choices , and not then whinging when some individuals choose seemingly "traditional" roles!). As I see it, D/s should be all about mutual respect and the consensual transfer of power, both of which seem to fit with feminist principles.

    The part that I struggle with is understanding how I fit in with all this. My friend identified me as having the qualities of a caring Dom -- indeed, she asked me to try out this role with her in a non-sexual context (which felt odd, but not entirely uncomfortable). I think I could do this well with my wife in the bedroom if that's what she'd enjoy (starting slowly!), but we're both complete beginners and unsure of what we really want/need.

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    plil [sign in to see picture]
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    I love to masturbate in front of people too.......what a turn on........x

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    plil [sign in to see picture]
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    punchnjudy wrote:

    i like to maturbate in front of my partner he thinks its a real turn on when i cum

    I love to masurbate in front or on a cam too.....what a turn on ....x

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