• Virginity - did/does it matter to you?

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    Scarlet Couple [sign in to see picture]
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    :) I know what you mean Gunther, i'm not sure if it's wanting to please or just gagging for it :p!

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    Kohaku [sign in to see picture]
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    I was 15 and it wasnt a big deal to me

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    Chesty100 [sign in to see picture]
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    I lost mine at 16 with a guy I ended up being with until nearly 19. I wanted to wait until I thought I was ready and I guess the fact we stayed together for some time after helped. I dont regret it and glad I lost it with someone I ‘loved’ at the time and who didnt pressurise me into anything. Guess we both just grew up but it was special all the same.
    1346166791
    MrGreyLover [sign in to see picture]
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    I lost mine to my now husband. I wanted to wait till I met the right person and I felt in love with them (obviously as we are now married lol) infact the more i was pressured by people meant I wanted to keep it longer. I wans't going to be pressured by anyone into something I didn't want to do. xx

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    Riddler001 [sign in to see picture]
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    MrGreyLover wrote:

    I lost mine to my now husband. I wanted to wait till I met the right person and I felt in love with them (obviously as we are now married lol) infact the more i was pressured by people meant I wanted to keep it longer. I wans't going to be pressured by anyone into something I didn't want to do. xx

    Sounds like your a very trustworthy and genuinely nice woman, i admire that :)
    However, my first time was okay, didnt think about the right person at the time..as soon as she asked i was way too excited to give a shit haha! Was rather nice as it was on a beach in greece! Wish i could rewind now though and perform a little better haha

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    Rugbyman [sign in to see picture]
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    16
    On holiday and was probably about right as we ha just met a she was a bit older and walked me though the whole thing several times.

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    SN [sign in to see picture]
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    I've never been with anyone.

    I'm not so much worried about the 'purity' aspect of virginity, personally, but more about it happening with the right person. I also have a great concern about the fact that I havent been with anyone else before, and just really am I going to suck at it!?

    I've this crazy thing where I'm quite a tactile, touchy/feely person, yet I've had NO experience of a male body especially. I dont think I would be quite so nervous with a woman, but I do feel rather embarrased by the fact that I am quite awkward around men- painfully so, sometimes; and as I say, I do like being held and touched etc.

    Okay, a little back-history. I'm an honest to god late bloomer- No Star-Trek nerniness or anything- I went to a private girls secondary school, so never got exposed to boys growing up and becoming men. Hense the embarrassment. Never really even took any notice of the girls around me either- but at that time, 'gay' was still an insult. It literally never occured to me who I might be interested in- or actually the fact that it hadnt happened yet. Talk about slow developing, I've been literally asexual until then. But then again, it took me till I was five before I even started talking. After melding easily with the LGBT crowd through my choir at uni, I finally realised I probably liked women around my second year there, and then later developed/realised I had a strong attraction to a specific type of guy around my last year. And then... nothing. I couldnt get a job, so I dont go out and mingle with co-workers or anything. I'm a couple/three years out of uni, and aren't in contact with any of those guys.

    As the years have gone on, I have actually grown quite aware of the fact that I've still never been in a proper relationship, and never been with another person. I LONG to have that comfort of a stable relationship, it's something I know I've been missing out on. And as much as I long for this, and know how riddiculous it it to have NEVER been with someone else before, its not something that I could ever really rush into. And yet, with no one on the horizon, I do kinda worry whether I'm going to be perminantly alone for ever. And I know that sounds riddiculous, it does from here- but as time goes on, it just feels like nothing is going to change.

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    mogwai [sign in to see picture]
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    SN wrote:

    I've never been with anyone.

    I'm not so much worried about the 'purity' aspect of virginity, personally, but more about it happening with the right person. I also have a great concern about the fact that I havent been with anyone else before, and just really am I going to suck at it!?

    <snip for length>

    As the years have gone on, I have actually grown quite aware of the fact that I've still never been in a proper relationship, and never been with another person. I LONG to have that comfort of a stable relationship, it's something I know I've been missing out on. And as much as I long for this, and know how riddiculous it it to have NEVER been with someone else before, its not something that I could ever really rush into. And yet, with no one on the horizon, I do kinda worry whether I'm going to be perminantly alone for ever. And I know that sounds riddiculous, it does from here- but as time goes on, it just feels like nothing is going to change.

    This. Entirely this.

    Except I was at a standard comprehensive that I hated with a passion and I have 3 brothers, so I've always seen blokes as other people rather than sexual objects as most of my classmates seemed to. And while I've had assorted jobs, they've always been in small teams/quite isolated with no-one really of my age or on my wavelength.

    I've eventually come to the conclusion that if it's ever going to happen, which I frequently doubt, it'd have to be with someone who was a friend first because, while I have nothing against it, lust/love at first sight just doesn't seem to happen with me so I'm probably never going to act first.

    It's bloody depressing at times.

    Still, Lovehoney's been a great... comfort

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    SN [sign in to see picture]
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    mogwai wrote:

    SN wrote:

    I've never been with anyone.

    I'm not so much worried about the 'purity' aspect of virginity, personally, but more about it happening with the right person. I also have a great concern about the fact that I havent been with anyone else before, and just really am I going to suck at it!?

    <snip for length>

    As the years have gone on, I have actually grown quite aware of the fact that I've still never been in a proper relationship, and never been with another person. I LONG to have that comfort of a stable relationship, it's something I know I've been missing out on. And as much as I long for this, and know how riddiculous it it to have NEVER been with someone else before, its not something that I could ever really rush into. And yet, with no one on the horizon, I do kinda worry whether I'm going to be perminantly alone for ever. And I know that sounds riddiculous, it does from here- but as time goes on, it just feels like nothing is going to change.

    This. Entirely this.

    Except I was at a standard comprehensive that I hated with a passion and I have 3 brothers, so I've always seen blokes as other people rather than sexual objects as most of my classmates seemed to. And while I've had assorted jobs, they've always been in small teams/quite isolated with no-one really of my age or on my wavelength.

    I've eventually come to the conclusion that if it's ever going to happen, which I frequently doubt, it'd have to be with someone who was a friend first because, while I have nothing against it, lust/love at first sight just doesn't seem to happen with me so I'm probably never going to act first.

    It's bloody depressing at times.

    Still, Lovehoney's been a great... comfort

    Ahhh, thanks! And yeah. Its comforting to see someone in a similar boat.

    For me, it has to be someone I develop a strong relationship with- and that would double up as a strong friendship and trust. I dont think it would be something which I go into as a romantic relationship, and a one night stand just aint gonna happen- I dont let myself be in that position. Certainly not for the first time- no matter what I might think to myself when I'm horney and lonely!

    My problem is, I do get the instant attraction thing with men. Not necessarily 'love at first sight', but I do know what type of guy I go for, and I have on a couple of occasions felt an instant strong attraction to a particular guy. There wasn't anything I could do about it other then try and just be a normal friend- because I knew this guy was in a very stable relationship- and actually the two looked just right for each other. You could see it in the way they looked at each other, and I really appreciated him for that. I was never jealous or anything, I knew that what I had was purely a physical crush. I'm blown away by the physical appearance of him, but that wasn't going to translate into anything between us. The guy was very happy with his boyfriend- I knew it was very unlikely he'd find me attractive on the same level.

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    mickylicky [sign in to see picture]
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    I was 17 and I really wanted to get over it. Finally one guy got a crush on me and we spent a night together. It was nothing special for me, though a lot more emotional for him. I was just glad it was over. The next time happened when I was 19, then I went to Uni. When I was 25 I got into my first serious relationship, but somehow we are not having a lot of sex. We saw each other for a few days after a long business trip and had sex one morning, but he was drunk every night. Although he was bringing me tea to my bed in the morning and told me how glad he was to be with me I am missing the trusting relationship with a normal sex life

    1346176081
    Cat Lady [sign in to see picture]
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    I sympathise with SN and mogwai. I went to an all-girls secondary school and went straight into work afterwards, in an office environment where the only men around were much older, and the younger women were in relationships most of the time so I didn't have anyone single to hang out with. So I never learned to deal with guys my own age. I too am therefore a late developer and I think I may have missed the boat because I almost never get to meet guys in my age range and they're not interested me anyway. I remember one of my former colleagues made a joke about me being a Vestal Virgin when I was maybe 20 or 21. It was kinda funny at the time and didn't bother me, but it does now because it's getting much closer to the truth...

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    gives everyone a hugg some of these posts must have been difficult to make

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    Zaquiel [sign in to see picture]
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    I thought it did, but it doesn't now. I didn't give mine up willingly, and it's something I can never have back.

    I was a different person back then when I was 15 compared to the person I am know, there is nothing left of my 15 year old self that any of my close friends or me recognise. It's like that person from back then is dead to the world.

    1346177268
    Riddler001 [sign in to see picture]
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    Zaquiel wrote:

    I thought it did, but it doesn't now. I didn't give mine up willingly, and it's something I can never have back.

    I was a different person back then when I was 15 compared to the person I am know, there is nothing left of my 15 year old self that any of my close friends or me recognise. It's like that person from back then is dead to the world.

    strong words but fair enough!

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    DarthKitty [sign in to see picture]
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    I was 14/15 and mine wasnt important to me, but i was raped by my best friend so i dont even think about it. I consider my virginity to have gone when i chose it when i was 18 and block out what happened before. Worked well for me so far.

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    SN [sign in to see picture]
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    gunther wrote:

    gives everyone a hugg some of these posts must have been difficult to make

    Ahhh, thanks. And yeah, indeed. The last time I got 'pally' enough to tell this to someone... it didn't exactly end well. She was another uni friend, and seemed to find the concept quite amusing and intriguing. It could be bravado, or actually who she was at the time, but she seemed to be the sort of person who got around quite a lot. And I was curious to talk to someone who was a bit more open about sex.

    Well, long story short (and anyone who's seem my posts know I like a long story) she ended up plying me with a hell of a lot of wine late that night (and out of various alcohols, wine gets me tipsy/drunk VERY easily) and ended up making several very strong passes at me. And it was so late and we were rather drunk, she suggested that I stay there that night.

    And actually, writing this now and looking back at it, I honestly do not know how I got through that night without anything happening- or anything developing into something I would not want.

    And I'm not trying to make this out into something that it's not; she didnt- nor do I think she ever had any intention of going against my consent. And at times, I've wondered whether had I actually slept with her, I might have felt more comfortable with others sexually and might have actually have found myself a partner that last year at uni- but I didn't want it at the time. The main thing was- as much as she had made me want it that night, I didn't want my first time to be with her. I appreciated her advice, and the talks and actually her trying to make me comfortable (because, at the beginning, that was what she was trying to do- she herself was drinking quite a bit too), but at some point, I just realised that this couldnt be my first time.

    And I am honestly glad that the events of that night are something which I havent taken away to regret for the rest of my life. I said no. And whilst I may still be a frustrated virgin at 24, I am glad that I didn't blow that first time.

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    Maybe a bit controversial but guys tend to just want to get laid as early as possible (well I did) I think the longer you wait the more difficult it is or maybe te more expectation builds. I just wanted to make sure everything worked but we did stay together 2 yrs.

    hope it works out for you SN

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    Cuddly Hubby [sign in to see picture]
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    SN wrote:

    And I am honestly glad that the events of that night are something which I havent taken away to regret for the rest of my life. I said no. And whilst I may still be a frustrated virgin at 24, I am glad that I didn't blow that first time.

    Well done you! When I was a similar age, I dated a few girls who were clearly desperately single and determined to "lose it" by whatever means. I found that really difficult. I knew that I didn't fancy them, but I was fuelled by hormones which egged me on and, to add further complications, I felt sorry for them (a very tricky emotion!). I'm very glad that I didn't go with my selfish urge to grab a quick trophy but, in my state of frustrated virginity, I was probably much closer to that point than I'd prefer to admit to myself.

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    mogwai [sign in to see picture]
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    SN wrote:

    gunther wrote:

    gives everyone a hugg some of these posts must have been difficult to make

    Ahhh, thanks. And yeah, indeed. The last time I got 'pally' enough to tell this to someone... it didn't exactly end well. She was another uni friend, and seemed to find the concept quite amusing and intriguing. It could be bravado, or actually who she was at the time, but she seemed to be the sort of person who got around quite a lot. And I was curious to talk to someone who was a bit more open about sex.

    <snip>

    And I am honestly glad that the events of that night are something which I havent taken away to regret for the rest of my life. I said no. And whilst I may still be a frustrated virgin at 24, I am glad that I didn't blow that first time.

    I've not actually told anyone who knows me in RL, so kudos to you for that. There are/were a couple of friends I might have told, but then there was this public conversation with a lot of friends where some assumptions were loudly stated and there was no way I could refute any of them without outright stating in a more or less public forum (Tube station) that I was still a virgin. Not going to happen. Left me depressed and tbh, a bit angry.

    So basically, no-one knows, except perhaps close family and that would be more by process of there not having been any obvious boy/girlfriends. I'm not ashamed of being a virgin, but I have to admit to being rather terrified by the stigma/mockery/etc that's often attached the older you get.

    Stupid, irritating thing is I'm not actually sex-shy, I can talk about it without blushing or stuttering, I'm probably a bit bi, but not had the chance to investigate, and the closest I've ever come is a couple of snogging sessions, which is really kind of sad

    At 35 this is actually ridiculous and depressing, FFS, I should have a coming out virginal party - can we have one of those?

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    mogwai. people stigmatise others for many reasons many more reasons for doing it to serial ass holes than virgins in my book but then sex isnt the whole of my world

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