• I've done something wrong :(

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    Amykins [sign in to see picture]
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    Is there any advice i can have apart from time might be a great healer....

    When my bf went to work he left his phone behind as the battery was nearly down so it was switched off. Which numpty looked at his phone?? yes, me! and i found some messages which were quite explicit but there was no 'I love you's' and i did see texts him saying for someone to p off cos hes with someone (i guess he means me lol). I did admit to him that i looked on his phone and saw the texts. So at least i was honest.

    He said it was a test cos every girl he has ever been with has always done the same thing and he wanted to see if he could trust me and vice versa. Cos i know he wasnt going to go in any other relationship for a good while and then he met me. So now apparently he can't trust me anymore. He says we are still together as he loves me but he wants space for a few weeks.

    Now is it me or would have you thought it was a bit funny him leaving his phone behind? i wouldve taken it if the battery was going or not, so thats what made me look at it. The relationship had been going so great it was quite felt too good to be true. I never had a man text me all day before has all the time in the world for me, good looking and perfect who wants a girl like me. So maybe i just had to check it out cos he is the best thing thats ever happend to me.

    He says he doesnt think he can trust me anymore he wants his flat key back as well. He is making such um and arh about it you swear i cheated on him or something. But words cannot describe how sorry i am and i would never look on his phone again. Giving the flat key back (however im going to do that considering im not gonna see him for a few weeks) would be like giving an engagement ring back. But i am quite mad that he had tested me like that. I'm not the type of girl who likes to be moody or cause arguements. Now normally if something crappy has happened in life, going to work normally puts my mind off things especially when i split up with my ex. But nah not this time it really isn't putting my mind off things. I've told him all this too. I'm finding this really hard i havent seen him for 2 weeks cos of it and its killing me already.

    Is there any good advice out there maybe someone has been through this themselves? Thank you and sorry if that was a bit long. and theres another thing that he thinks that he has been getting in between me and my friends. Well the friend i was seeing every weekend i stopped going up there before i saw this guy because she wasnt coming to see me and it was last minute she was letting me know when i could come up. But he doesnt realise i dont go out much and i dont have many friends too. So as i havent been seeing my friend he thinks it cos of him. i admit i been going to his before 2 weeks ago for a few weeks, thats cos its a new relationship. But he still doesnt get it. how can i assure him that he's not the problem? thanks again!

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    Lady.Gasm.X [sign in to see picture]
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    I don't have any brilliant advice but if this was me in your position, I would write him a letter explaining that you weren't checking up on him but if you are going to be a couple there needs to be a certain level of trust, and to trust each other with the other's phone is one of them. My boyfriend and I both check each other's phone's, not to see if we have cheated but simply because what's mine is his and what's his is mine! Also, how can he say he can't trust you when you were honest enough to own up to snooping, without any initiation from him? I think it's unfair of him to test you especially as curiosity in a new relationship is generally huge! If you can tell him how much he means to you and he still isn't interested then maybe you would be better off without him? I know it sucks but you don't have to answer to anyone babe and if there's one thing I have learnt about relationships... it's that! He is in the wrong for testing you, you are (in his eyes) in the wrong for checking his phone, so why not wipe the slate clean and start again. If he has any ounce of love for you then it would be worth it... Good luck hunny xxx

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    Riddler001 [sign in to see picture]
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    hmm.. dont know if its good advice or not but he shouldnt be annoyed! People only get annoyed because something is on there! its natural for loads of people to be curious about there OH phone! i had a girlfriend who checked my phone, didnt bother me, i always use to leave it lying around because i knew there was nothing on there! I dont see why he would need space over this personally "/ im not the greatest person to give advice although ive sort of been through it! Secondly, friends always come before your guy! A guy should never think about stopping you or feel like hes in the way! Sounds like he doesnt want you going out! It all seems a little complicated..best thing to do is sit down and talk! Also i dont think its a test..being a guy its obvious! Now im just assuming here so pay no attention but if hes cheated with this girl..she may be still trying to get to him but hes saying piss off so she'll leave him alone and he wont get caught! Thats my view..ive done it unfortunately "/

    You need to have a face to face chat about what each other wants..its useless over the phone because he can ignore you so "/

    Sorry if this didnt help! Hope your okay..x

    1345916447
    Riddler001 [sign in to see picture]
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    Also you did nothing wrong as stated by me and miss g!!

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    dotdashdot [sign in to see picture]
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    Oh love this really sucks. He is completely overreacting to such a trivial thing I can completely understand why you're so upset.

    I'm going to hold my hand up and say "yes I have checked my boyfriend's phone before when he wasn't looking". And I know that I'm not the only one. Frankly, I think that 99% of people have done this at some point so please don't feel too bad about it. As humans we are naturally curious and when the opportunity is there staring us in the face sometimes we just can't help ourselves!

    I don't know if I'm reading too much into this but it sounds like he left his phone on purpose, knowing that you would read it, wondering if you'd then own up to reading it and then blow a fuse when you told him... which is very mean of him!! I'm going to read even deeper now. Perhaps by overreacting so much and making you feel so bad he'll make sure that you're very sorry and you're not going to do it again, therefore making it easier for him to keep secrets in the future. Hrmmmmmm...

    Anyway! In the two weeks you've been apart have you spoken to him at all? I would argue with him that he should be able to trust you more for being honest with him about checking the phone!! I wouldn't have said anything and kept it all to myself. You know you did something that was a little wrong (it's not like you cheated on him or anything!) and you owned up to him. I admire your honesty.

    Be honest with him now. Tell him he needs to be a little more forgiving of human nature. If he really liked/loved you then he wouldn't let something tiny like this get in the way. He needs to stop being so hormonal and get over himself.

    As for the friend thing... I have the same problem with not really having many friends. My boyfriend doesn't think that he gets in the way of me seeing my friends but I think he feels that I don't really have much of a life as I'm always free to see him. Maybe demonstrate to your boyfriend that even if you're not going out with friends you still have a life. Arrange to see your friend if you can... but other times just stay in and watch a movie and have some you time and say that you're too busy to see him.

    He's probably freaking out because he feels that you depend on him too much (sounds like he has a bit of an inflated head!) but just let him know this isn't the case.

    I hope this has helped a little my lovely! Please don't get too down in the dumps you really didn't do anything wrong! xx

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    Amykins [sign in to see picture]
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    Thank you Lady.Gasm. I have told him how much he means to me on the phone and text. Will a letter or a i'm sorry card or both do any good?? I told him on my father's life i would never do anything like that again (and im very very close to my dad he is also ill). I'd do anything for that man i swear, i have never been so happy. But this week the boss can see how miserable ive been. He says he loves me, he even phoned me at 1 in the morning the other night to just to hear my voice and said he loves me then. and we are still together. But i want to try and figure out how he can trust me again and i gotta trust him not to test me again. I know he says we wont be the same again, i feel the same way too but i still love him. But the space is a good idea and not a good idea. with the space i cant exactly show him how he can trust me. I did tell him when we first got together im a bit well fragile cos ive just got out of a relationship where he buggered off to some other and i thought i wouldnt be in a relationship for a while. so yeah he is wrong to test me xxx

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    Amykins [sign in to see picture]
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    Thank you all! Well i was thinking that if he was hiding anything, then he would have a password on his phone? He was annoyed cos it seemed like i couldnt trust him. yes i have spoken to him, he says he loves me and stuff and we're together but he dont text me as much. but he did phone me the other night. But maybe yeah when i do see him next i will say to him that he should be able to trust me cos i been so honest, i dont think i should say it now cos it will just put more wood in the fire. i did say to him i will respect if he wants that space from seeing me the few weekends xx

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    Lady.Gasm.X [sign in to see picture]
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    You shouldn't need to swear babe, he should trust you. He's expecting it from you is he not?

    And personally I think a letter is much more personal and you can write as much as you want, this way he also has time to process what you are saying and gives him time to decide what he wants.

    I know it's hard when you love someone but trust me on this, stand your ground! Otherwise you will end up in this position many more times

    xxx

    1345917733
    dotdashdot [sign in to see picture]
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    Okay so obviously you should apologise but don't grovel too much. You need to stay strong and hold your ground here or he'll walk all over you.

    Just a warning, if he flies off the handle about something little like this, then he'll fly off the handle for everything. I can't believe he said "things will never be the same again". For God's sake he needs to stop being so dramatic!

    My first boyfriend was exactly the same and it wore me down a lot. I was always apologising and feeling awful for such tiny little things. It was horrible. I felt so small and worthless and I will never let anyone treat me that way again. Stay strong lovely please don't let him wear you down xx

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    Lady.Gasm.X [sign in to see picture]
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    dotdashdot wrote:

    Okay so obviously you should apologise but don't grovel too much. You need to stay strong and hold your ground here or he'll walk all over you.

    Just a warning, if he flies off the handle about something little like this, then he'll fly off the handle for everything. I can't believe he said "things will never be the same again". For God's sake he needs to stop being so dramatic!

    My first boyfriend was exactly the same and it wore me down a lot. I was always apologising and feeling awful for such tiny little things. It was horrible. I felt so small and worthless and I will never let anyone treat me that way again. Stay strong lovely please don't let him wear you down xx

    Here here!... or is it Hear hear? Either way I KNOW exactly what you are talking about here. It's like constantly walking on eggshells, no freedom, guilty feeling constantly. It's not healthy at all!

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    Amykins [sign in to see picture]
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    Nah im not gonna grovel too much now. I've done my apology and i've paid for more than what i had done is worth. oh he doesnt mind me going out, he wants me to go and have fun he says that my friends should come first. But the friend i was seeing is not much of a friend cos she doesn't come to see me. But i dont know if to challenge him on me being so honest now or when i see him i think if i tell him now it will just wind him up more xx

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    WeeSteve [sign in to see picture]
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    that really does suck hun :(. But hes saying he cant trust you cause you checked. But if he trsuted you in the first place surly he wouldnt have to test you?

    I think hes in the wrong here actually, if you want to catch somebody doing somthing, you will!

    He may be doing it to avoid being hurt and stuff, but personaly, i would never leave fake texts on my phone and wait for someone to be nosey and find them.

    People are curious, if i see a friends phone lieing about il have a wee nosey, and i would expect others to do the same.

    I know your gona feel bad hun xxx but youve done nothing wrong! if he doesnt forgive you over somthing rather trival then its his lose, as you said you've not cheated on him, you told him you had a wee peek, your the honest one in the relationship <3 xx If ya wana have a wee chat il be online all night x

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    cheer_up [sign in to see picture]
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    Amykins wrote:

    i found some messages which were quite explicit

    Sorry, were these explicit messages to other women? Because that's not on.

    I don't think you should've looked at his phone, but that's very easy to say now it's done, and he shouldn't freak out like this if he left his phone behind to 'test' you. I think he's overreacting a bit with the whole "It'll never be the same!" It's not like you've killed his mother or anything...

    The letter's a good idea. Or you could stop apologising, seeing as you've already done it a billion times already by the sounds of things, and talk it through with him as an equal rather than a guilty party. You've both done something wrong in this scenario, but if he really loves you he shouldn't let such a trivial mistake (which it is, if there was nothing to be found on there) ruin your relationship, especially when you've come clean about it.

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    Moo99 [sign in to see picture]
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    "Perhaps by overreacting so much and making you feel so bad he'll make sure that you're very sorry and you're not going to do it again, therefore making it easier for him to keep secrets in the future. "

    This is the thought that came into my head...

    He's playing games with you, so I don't know why he thinks he can sit back and polish his halo and get angry at you for your actions, quite frankly.

    Personally I don't think you did anything wrong in the first place.

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    Amykins [sign in to see picture]
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    yeah thats right, if i really thought he was doing wrong, then i wouldnt have said anything and carried on looking and finding out more. thats what i also told him. He said that he just tested me to make sure, i suppose i responded to his actions to make sure too. thank you weesteve if i do i will hun xx

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    WeeSteve [sign in to see picture]
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    Amykins wrote:

    thank you weesteve if i do i will hun xx

    no probs xx Im on here like all day everyday anyway :P x so ive got plenty of time to talk n listen x

    Honestly hun i wouldnt say youve done anything wrong x if i saw someone had a left a phone at my house, damn right id be checking it oot see what there doing.

    I agree dont appogise any more, whats done is done, youve said ur sorry. and constantly hearing sorry wont change his mind. its all about how he feels, if he loves you he'd forgive you x

    Thts pretty much all i can say hun x hope it helps xxx

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    lilac_vix [sign in to see picture]
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    If he's set you up then he's set you up to fail. It's not showing lack of trust, its showing human nature to be a nosy parker. Seems to me like he's the one withthe trust issues. If you read something suspisious but still trust him that means you should have passed the test.

    Tell him you're nosy so what, get over it and stop behaving like a child. The only reason I can think that he would be sooo upset you might look at his phone is if he has something to hide, and if he's that bothered he should have put a lock code on his phone.

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    Amykins [sign in to see picture]
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    I could say to him and be very clever. That Ive been through something like this with an ex before and that he used to say things like it will never be the same again and wont trust me. Wanted space as if he's the victim. Just to make me feel bad and apologise and grovel and get rid of curiosity, so then when i dont look on his phone he can do what he wants. and in the end i did find out with no curiosity that he was cheating. Thats why i said i am so fragile (i cant think of the word now lol) and curious.and i'll say i cant remember the full story it was many years ago and that i found that he was talking to his ex or someone on msn. But i think i will leave that until i see him and see what he says and i will tell him now you can see why im so fragile.

    But as i said the only 'i love you' messages was to me x

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    Syd [sign in to see picture]
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    Sounds a bit wierd laying a 'trap' like that. Very odd.

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    [suspended user]

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    Syd wrote:

    Sounds a bit wierd laying a 'trap' like that. Very odd.

    I agree, "grow up" is my initial response if you live with someone you souldnt have secrets or set silly "tests"

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