• Advice needed

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    andysouthwest [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi, i need some advice please all. Since we had our first child 3 years ago my wife has become uninterested in sex. We discused recently having another child but need to get our sex life back to some form of normality. I have been giving her massages latley etc and trying to make her feel special etc, bought her some new nightware, flowers on a regular basis and new purfume.

    Im just not sure how to get her more interested in sex. its like she has lost all interest in it.

    Has anyone got any advise please im a bit stuck and need your help!

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    amyb [sign in to see picture]
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    talk to here is the first thing i would say. i have got 4 kids and when the head and feeling are not there yet the rest wont follow if you get my drift !. but after 3 years she should be ok by now. see if she will talk to her docter or the midwife when you child will have his/her 3 year pre school jab. as it could be her hormones. it could be she feel that she doesnot look good after haveing a child, this is the inportant part (donot russh in saying that she dos not hang back not to long let her continu. if she dosenot then reashure her) she should tell you.

    hope that it helps,as you seem to be trying.

    all the best.(sorry about the spelling)

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    pandora21021 [sign in to see picture]
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    amyb wrote:

    talk to here is the first thing i would say. i have got 4 kids and when the head and feeling are not there yet the rest wont follow if you get my drift !. but after 3 years she should be ok by now. see if she will talk to her docter or the midwife when you child will have his/her 3 year pre school jab. as it could be her hormones. it could be she feel that she doesnot look good after haveing a child, this is the inportant part (donot russh in saying that she dos not hang back not to long let her continu. if she dosenot then reashure her) she should tell you.

    hope that it helps,as you seem to be trying.

    all the best.(sorry about the spelling)

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    Looksgoodinheels [sign in to see picture]
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    Have you tried taking her away for the weekend, leaving the kids behind, but make sure she knows it's not a weekend just for sex.

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    MrGreyLover [sign in to see picture]
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    brians wife wrote:

    Have you tried taking her away for the weekend, leaving the kids behind, but make sure she knows it's not a weekend just for sex.

    This sounds like a lovely idea.

    I know after I had my first child I felt ugly and fat and the last thing I wanted was sex It took a while but once my hubby and I made me feel like myself again and not just mummy it all came back with a vengeance ;) xx

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    yummymummy24 [sign in to see picture]
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    Is she on any medication, did she have stitches??? It can be a huge number of things!!! We have 4 children and its been different everytime. So many things can be contributing to loss of labido.

    The best thing is to talk to her and ask what she thinks it is, making it clear that your willing to wait as long as it takes is a must as the last thing she wants to feel is pressured.

    good luck :)

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    afraidnotscared [sign in to see picture]
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    andysouthwest wrote:

    Hi, i need some advice please all. Since we had our first child 3 years ago my wife has become uninterested in sex. We discused recently having another child but need to get our sex life back to some form of normality. I have been giving her massages latley etc and trying to make her feel special etc, bought her some new nightware, flowers on a regular basis and new purfume.

    Im just not sure how to get her more interested in sex. its like she has lost all interest in it.

    Has anyone got any advise please im a bit stuck and need your help!

    Hi Andy,

    I've absolutely no helpful suggestions, but I wanted to let you know you're most definitely not alone. My OH has had no interest whatsoever in sex since our little one was born & he's just coming up to 2.

    Good luck!

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    Heatseekher [sign in to see picture]
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    few thoughts.

    buying lingerie etc could be taken as putting on pressure, and massages that invariably end up turning into something else could end up being taken as the signal for 'oh dear he wants sex'......so might be worth doing 'ordinary' massages as a way of showing your affection as well as ordinary massages that turn more erotic.

    having a child free house or space is probably handy - so that your wife can atleast cross that worry of her mental list.

    There's umpteen resources for giving erotic massages ( not questionning your current abilities).....for my wife i found out that her sacral area responds very well, so partway through an e/massage that will always get some attention - and even is she wasn't in the mood that normally changes things around.

    Perhaps think about why she might be less inclined and work out how you can overcome that without necessarily involving her comment. For example aybe she doesnt feel good about herself - in which case some subliminal reassurance might help. (texting/mailing her to let her know she's in yoru thoughts, or that she looked good as she was lying in bed etc). Can't speak for the ladies but whilst gifts liek flowers are a nice thought - words are far more powerful.

    Promise her a pamper session - 'you've been working hard i'd like to treat you' : bath, bubbles, drinking bubbles, then massage....

    and when the time comes give her an evening to remember. Habits are easily formed but more easily lost.....get her in the habit of enjoying sexual intimacy and no doubt the habit will form again.

    good luck.

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    oohyea2012 [sign in to see picture]
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    iv had 3 children and recently just found that my lack of sex drive was due to the contraceptive pill. since i have come off the pill my sex drive has gone through the roof, hubby says he would have took me off it years ago lol

    not only that, having children does change your body and until i got used to my new mum body i was depressed and hated my stretchmarks n body for a long time. couldnt bear hubby near me because i hated the way i looked so much.

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    Wetone [sign in to see picture]
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    I too had huge problems with my contraception playing havoc with my sex drive. All sorted now :)

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    andysouthwest [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks for all your replys guys and girls. Im not going to rush her and I have been doing massages etc with out leading to anything to make sure doesnt feel like that will always lead to sex.

    She finds it very hard to talk about sex and usually ends up via an email lol, but this is ok at least we are getting things out. She thinks its just a low labido its notthing i have done or how she is feeling. I know its not looks as since having a child she lost 11st in weight and feels a lot better about her self.

    Dont get me wrong we have had sex maybe 3 times in last few (4) years and some foreplay a few times with the odd orgasm, when we first got together 10 years ago we had a fairly good sex life but just seemed to die off.

    She says she wants to try and improve it too and just needs my help which is why im trying my best to find things to help her get in the mood and feel as though she wants it more.

    Sorry to go on guys just want our sex lifes back for both of us.

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    andysouthwest [sign in to see picture]
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    oh and its not a contriception issue as not taken the pill / implant in years just got durex in the drawer.

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    MrsKitty [sign in to see picture]
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    Always talking about the lack of sex is a turn off make sure your touching just a hug peck on the check hand on the arm stuff like that is very important i think

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    andysouthwest [sign in to see picture]
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    Yeah i am, always just cuddling on sofa or in bed, giving a kiss whenever i can, hold hands while walking etc.

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    MrGreyLover [sign in to see picture]
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    Glad your talking to eachother about things. Also got to remember when someone gets in to a habit it's hard to break out of it. When you stop and don't have anything for ages its quite hard to miss it, especially if your looking after child/ren and got lots of other things on your mind. Work together and I'm sure you will get through this :-) Good luck xxx

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    always_ready!! [sign in to see picture]
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    hot bath...with scented oils

    bedroom with candles and go from there if that doesnt work, act like teenagers make her feel young again...

    make out in the cinema etc....1 thing i love is when my hubby wears aftershave that he did when we first starting seeing eachother...it drives me wild with memories everytime.

    scents sounds activities...you would be surprised by what they can do for your sex life...

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    amyb [sign in to see picture]
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    its good to hear that she is talking to you. just keep it up and you will get there.

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