• soft or too quick husband.....HELP

    goddess35 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 1
    • Joined: 29 Jan 2009

    Hey peeps,

    Need some advice, My husband has a bit of a problem that is starting to get him down.

    He either cums too quickly (oral or intercourse) or goes limp and wont wake up.

    He has seen a doctor who prescribed viagra and a shrink, neither helped, I have bought him various staying power lubes and condoms but it just dont help,

    We have been together on/off for 23 years married happily for 14 years.

    He now also takes multi vitamins.

    We have tried alchol for dutch courage but made no diffrence,

    Any help guys

    Hampshire Hogg [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
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    • Joined: 24 Jan 2012


    It sounds to me that your husband may be putting himself under too much pressure to perform? Does he get erections during the night? If so physically he is fine and hopefully his doctor would have picked up any issues lurking in the background.

    I also feel that staying power lubes etc would put him under even more pressure to perform.

    I am a 48 year old man who has been married for 21 years and have been under a lot of stress recently and by sex drive is all over the place at the moment.

    I would suggest that you both need to relax and take things slowly, spend time with each other without the expectation of sex, hopefully in time his sex drive will return.

    Chesty100 [sign in to see picture]
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    Is this a new thing that has started happening?

    Is he stressed about anything as always hearing stress can impact on performance etc. I know it is easier said than done but he needs to relax and not get worked out about it as he will be conscious of it happening all the time and that will have a knock on effect. Maybe a health issue...he isn’t diabetic is he? J
    tiggerish [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 31 Jan 2009

    my oh had alot of issues from his sex life previous to me, including being too quick.

    ive found that the best way for me to help is to remove the expectation of sex and just concentrate on being physical without aiming for sex(full or otherwise)

    i also found that he felt obliged to please me first which also added pressure, so i tried to ensure that he knew it was ok to just concentrate on him and for him to enjoy himself.

    obviously what works for one may not work for others,but my OH is now much more relaxed about sex and lasts much longer, though still has residual anxieties.

    as others have said though, if hes stressed or under other pressures they need to be addressed .


    mrsorgasmatron [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
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    Experiment: go on holiday. Get some rest and spend some time together - if it happens, then you will know it's stress.

    Gyrator53 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
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    • Joined: 27 Sep 2007

    goddess35 wrote:

    He has seen a doctor who prescribed viagra and a shrink, neither helped,

    I'm not much impressed by that! If it didn't work what did the doctor do next? He should have checked for physical impairment by testing for nocturnal erections.

    It's important to eliminate the possible physical issues as the worry that there is a physical problem can feed the psychological problem and make things worse. There is positive feedback in the system - if you feel you will have an erection failure then you will. In my experience once the glimmer of doubt crept in I was doomed.

    I did use cock rings for a while (the lasso type like the LH 'Big Daddy') and this helped. However, I have in the last year been doing pelvic floor exercises (well, cheating actually by using an Electro Muscular Stimulator to do them for me) and this has utterly transformed the situation. My erections are reliable and rock hard.

    I can go into details about the EMS if you like.

    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    Lots of good advice and I can't offer anything more useful in the way of suggestions so read the other posts!

    But I do have tips from another angle. Two tips really.

    1) Sex isn't all about penetration and it isn't all about orgasm/ejaculation. Play around and have fun without these things. The quicker you learn that sex is what sex is to *you* as a couple and not some structured, defined act the quicker you'll have great sex!

    2) I'm told sucking a soft cock feels bloody amazing for a bloke - it's something to experiment with in the meantime!

    There could be loads of things causing the problem, but in the meantime - feeling like a failure (I haven't been able to take a cock inside me for 2 years, does that make me less of a woman? Hell no and it shouldn't for a bloke either) and fretting about it too much will not help! Experiment and have fun whilst you're figuring things out!


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