• Advice on the big O.

    1343594354
    missmint [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 26 Aug 2010

    Hi.

    I struggle to reach the big O. The only way I can is by stimulating my clit. I can't climax just off penetration from my bf. I really enjoy our sex life and him having sex with me but I still can't reach a climax until I use the bullet on myself.

    This is starting to get my bf down as he feels a bit of a failure even though I tell him how much I enjoy sex with him. He say's that it's his job to make me cum. We have a very active sex life and have all kinds of toys etc.

    Any advice to help me along the way would be appreciated.

    Thanks.

    1343594635
    Heart2Heart [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
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    • Joined: 21 Aug 2010

    missmint wrote:

    Hi.

    I struggle to reach the big O. The only way I can is by stimulating my clit. I can't climax just off penetration from my bf. I really enjoy our sex life and him having sex with me but I still can't reach a climax until I use the bullet on myself.

    This is starting to get my bf down as he feels a bit of a failure even though I tell him how much I enjoy sex with him. He say's that it's his job to make me cum. We have a very active sex life and have all kinds of toys etc.

    Any advice to help me along the way would be appreciated.

    Thanks.

    My advice would be do more foreplay :) and not just before :) Also, in certain positions he could stimulate your clit while you have sex? :) From what I understand its common for some people to not be able to reach an orgasm just by penetration

    1343595228
    missmint [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks.

    We do a lot of foreplay and he's really good at that too, I just seem to struggle to orgasm. Even lately when my partner or myself stimulate my clit I am struggling.

    I have never really reached an orgasm with any of my previous partners and sex was always boring. The only way I could cum back then was to stimulate my own clit on my own or with ex's.

    Sex with my bf now is amazing but for some reason I can't seem to reach an orgasm still. Maybe I'm thinking to much about it.

    1343595449
    bb1137 [sign in to see picture]
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    my OH could never cum just by penetration, but we have found that lots and lots of foreplay where i make her cum lots of times not just once or twice.

    then i get her to lie on her side then i enter her in this position and then she cums by penetration, give it a try it might work for you

    1343596724
    shellyboo [sign in to see picture]
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    If you can orgasm by stimulating your clit, then it's a bit inaccurate to say you can't orgasm!

    Not all women can orgasm from penetration -- I *can*, but I have to be reeeeeeally horny -- so when I was a young floozy having only occasional sex, I could always have a penetrative orgasm. However, with my partner, because we have lots & lots of sex, penetrative orgasms are rare for me... but it's not an issue for us! I come every time we have sex by stimulating my clit while we fuck, either with my hand, his hand or a vibrator.

    As for why you might be struggling recently, the pressure you're under to climax (from your partner and from yourself) is definitely a factor. The more you try, the more difficult it will become. There's no way to guarantee a penetrative orgasm, but there is one essential ingredient -- relaxation. If you're worried about it happening, it probably won't!

    It might be worth talking to your partner and explaining to him that all women climax differently, and the vast majority of women can't climax from penetration alone. Let him know he's not a failure in any way, because it's not possible to fail at sex as long as you are both enjoying yourselves! :) Hope that's helpful!

    1343596747
    Miss teach&nurse [sign in to see picture]
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    Miss mint,

    You might be putting too much pressure on urself because u feel like it will reassue ur OH and also u want it so bad.

    Just relax and enjoy foreplay! I also find the best way to reach an orgasm with my OH is by me being on top as i can control it better. It doesn't take me long to reach orgasm so maybe being on top might be a good position to try from x

    1343597128
    dotdashdot [sign in to see picture]
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    I can have g spot orgasms and they're great but they're very mild compared to clit ones! I find that me on top sort of grinding against his pubic bone as we fuck is the only way I can have a really good orgasm. Do this with him and talk throughout to discuss what you do and don't like. Experiment a little!

    Vibrators are great but as strange as it sounds, I feel that I've found it easier to cum from sex and masturbation since I stopped using my vibrators! I decided to have a vibrator free month as I thought I was becoming more reliant on them and it's worked wonders!

    Another thing to try... orgasm gel/balm? Lovehoney sell a few which may work for you!! xx

    1343597309
    Miss teach&nurse [sign in to see picture]
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    dotdashdot wrote

    Vibrators are great but as strange as it sounds, I feel that I've found it easier to cum from sex and masturbation since I stopped using my vibrators! I decided to have a vibrator free month as I thought I was becoming more reliant on them and it's worked wonders

    I think ur onto something here! I think becasue clit vibes r so strong u get use to having a strong sensational in that area and then when ur OH uses his tongue or fingers it doesnt sometimes quite feel strong enough!

    I always stop playing with my toys about 2-3weeks before my OH comes home x

    1343597523
    missmint [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks everyone.

    To be fair to my OH he isn't putting me under pressure, I'm the one bringing it up. He just wants to make me cum anyway he can and to be honest he has. It's just the fact that I always need my clit stimulating maybe had me over thinking stuff.

    I've not had great experiences in the past and my current bf is the first person I have felt I enjoy being sexual with. Our sex life is amazing, and even the fact that I'm now comfortable enough to ask for advice is amazing for me as I'm not the most confident person in the world.

    I think it's something I am overthinking and it's making things worse. For the past few weeks I've not even been able to make myself cum. I blame the Love honey Wand, it's made my sensitivity go out the window and I can't feel anything anymore haha.

    Thanks for all your help though x

    1343597798
    dotdashdot [sign in to see picture]
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    Miss teach&nurse wrote:

    dotdashdot wrote

    Vibrators are great but as strange as it sounds, I feel that I've found it easier to cum from sex and masturbation since I stopped using my vibrators! I decided to have a vibrator free month as I thought I was becoming more reliant on them and it's worked wonders

    I think ur onto something here! I think becasue clit vibes r so strong u get use to having a strong sensational in that area and then when ur OH uses his tongue or fingers it doesnt sometimes quite feel strong enough!

    I always stop playing with my toys about 2-3weeks before my OH comes home x

    I think so too!! I found that everytime I masturbated it was just a quickie with my rabbit and some porn. I was reading a Tracey Cox book it made me realise how important masturbation is. I've learnt so much about my body and what I like. It takes sooo much longer and isn't as good but using my imagination and my fingers to get off is sooo much more satisfying!

    I've found orgasm with my boyfriend easier too :) xx

    1343597820
    missmint [sign in to see picture]
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    dotdashdot wrote:

    I can have g spot orgasms and they're great but they're very mild compared to clit ones! I find that me on top sort of grinding against his pubic bone as we fuck is the only way I can have a really good orgasm. Do this with him and talk throughout to discuss what you do and don't like. Experiment a little!

    Vibrators are great but as strange as it sounds, I feel that I've found it easier to cum from sex and masturbation since I stopped using my vibrators! I decided to have a vibrator free month as I thought I was becoming more reliant on them and it's worked wonders!

    Another thing to try... orgasm gel/balm? Lovehoney sell a few which may work for you!! xx

    You might have a point here, I finally feel like I've found myself sexually and now have a massive drawer full of toys, maybe I'm using them to much now. Damn you Love honey haha.

    I was right, it's all the wands fault.

    Thanks x

    1343597840
    dotdashdot [sign in to see picture]
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    missmint wrote:

    I think it's something I am overthinking and it's making things worse. For the past few weeks I've not even been able to make myself cum. I blame the Love honey Wand, it's made my sensitivity go out the window and I can't feel anything anymore haha.

    Quit it. Cold turkey!!!!

    1343597996
    missmint [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
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    • Joined: 26 Aug 2010

    dotdashdot wrote:

    missmint wrote:

    I think it's something I am overthinking and it's making things worse. For the past few weeks I've not even been able to make myself cum. I blame the Love honey Wand, it's made my sensitivity go out the window and I can't feel anything anymore haha.

    Quit it. Cold turkey!!!!

    Haha £50 is expensive cold turkey.

    1343598088
    Miss teach&nurse [sign in to see picture]
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    Just go cold turkey until you can strike the perfect balance - then its not so expensive cold turkey lol x

    1343598635
    shellyboo [sign in to see picture]
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    Oh the wand is so powerful! It can definitely numb you a bit. No need to give it up cold turkey, but giving it a little break might help. Alternate between toys and just using your fingers maybe? I know after I've used a vibe a few times over a few days, I lose sensitivity so I take it back to basics, lol :)

    1343598841
    missmint [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
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    Maybe i should quit all toys for a bit! I love my pink bullet from LH, never fails - but maybe its what i need.

    I just want to be able to hit the big O just having sex with him, it feels great but i never seem to tip over the edge.

    I dont want him to feel like a let down, he is anything but!

    Thanks for all the advice and hopefully one day it will happen xx

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