• Post for a friend: She can't get him to do the things she would most enjoy

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    sub-kitten wrote:

    gunther wrote:

    Ladies, as a young boy my mother made me promise I would never ever hit a woman, since she had two black eyes and bruises all over I didnt have any problem with agreeing. My wife I would say is submisive she likes being restrained and controlled but never hurt. Our relationship has lasted 30 yrs some who post here spek from a relationsghip that is months or a few yrs old, I firmly believe where violence is involved it denotes a lack of respect and the relationship may be great but wont last.....just my tuppence worth we are all different

    That is very small-minded gunther. And actually quite rude to those who chose to incorporate such actions into their relationship. What works for you doesn't necessarily work for others. It's not about a lack of respect at all if it's purely done to please each other in the bedroom alone. It's just another way to play. I think you are placing your own relationship, which I will give you is very impressive & admirable to have lasted 30 years, on a pedastal & judging others by your own standards. Just because your relationship has lasted & no doubt been through alot, does not make you an expert.

    maybe small minded and maybe rude for that I apologise but it is what I think

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    sub-kitten [sign in to see picture]
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    gunther wrote:

    sub-kitten wrote:

    gunther wrote:

    Ladies, as a young boy my mother made me promise I would never ever hit a woman, since she had two black eyes and bruises all over I didnt have any problem with agreeing. My wife I would say is submisive she likes being restrained and controlled but never hurt. Our relationship has lasted 30 yrs some who post here spek from a relationsghip that is months or a few yrs old, I firmly believe where violence is involved it denotes a lack of respect and the relationship may be great but wont last.....just my tuppence worth we are all different

    That is very small-minded gunther. And actually quite rude to those who chose to incorporate such actions into their relationship. What works for you doesn't necessarily work for others. It's not about a lack of respect at all if it's purely done to please each other in the bedroom alone. It's just another way to play. I think you are placing your own relationship, which I will give you is very impressive & admirable to have lasted 30 years, on a pedastal & judging others by your own standards. Just because your relationship has lasted & no doubt been through alot, does not make you an expert.

    maybe small minded and maybe rude for that I apologise but it is what I think

    Just think about how you word things before you speak sometimes. You are certainly allowed your opinion, I am not gonna penalise you for that, but it's when you make out that what you're saying, which as we've already said is nothing than OPINION, is the only right way. Other people are allowed their opinions too. Older does not necessarily mean wiser.

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    Yes Sub Kitten and I am allowed mine I believe

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    gunther wrote:

    Yes Sub Kitten and I am allowed mine I believe

    I never said you weren't. Like I said, I have no problem with WHAT you said, merely how you said it.

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    shellyboo [sign in to see picture]
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    I must say I'm pretty offended by the idea of equating domestic abuse with consensual BDSM. My partner inflicts pain on me because I ask him to, because I enjoy it. It's not violence by any definition -- violence is an intention to hurt or damage. My partner would die before he would damage me or allow me to be damaged. I don't appreciate being told that my relationship is not going to last simply because I am a masochist.

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    goodgirl93 [sign in to see picture]
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    shellyboo wrote:

    I must say I'm pretty offended by the idea of equating domestic abuse with consensual BDSM. My partner inflicts pain on me because I ask him to, because I enjoy it. It's not violence by any definition -- violence is an intention to hurt or damage. My partner would die before he would damage me or allow me to be damaged. I don't appreciate being told that my relationship is not going to last simply because I am a masochist.

    I have the same feelings x

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    shellyboo [sign in to see picture]
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    goodgirl93 wrote:

    shellyboo wrote:

    I must say I'm pretty offended by the idea of equating domestic abuse with consensual BDSM. My partner inflicts pain on me because I ask him to, because I enjoy it. It's not violence by any definition -- violence is an intention to hurt or damage. My partner would die before he would damage me or allow me to be damaged. I don't appreciate being told that my relationship is not going to last simply because I am a masochist.

    I have the same feelings x

    Yeah. I'm very sorry for anyone who's experienced domestic violence in their family, it must be totally devastating -- but there is simply no comparison between that and BDSM. Of course, there can be absue within a D/s relationship, there can be abuse in ANY relationship -- but hitting is not automatically abuse. There doesn't even have to be hitting for there to be abuse. It's not as black and white as that.

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    goodgirl93 [sign in to see picture]
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    Ork wrote:

    goodgirl93 wrote:

    Also heart2heart i have a similar post like this somewhere where Orc wrote me a really handy essay to give to my friend :) may help yours to give it a read xxx

    Ork rofl but yeah could help :)

    my bad i know theres two types of ofk lol :') im terrible xx

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    goodgirl93 [sign in to see picture]
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    shellyboo wrote:

    goodgirl93 wrote:

    shellyboo wrote:

    I must say I'm pretty offended by the idea of equating domestic abuse with consensual BDSM. My partner inflicts pain on me because I ask him to, because I enjoy it. It's not violence by any definition -- violence is an intention to hurt or damage. My partner would die before he would damage me or allow me to be damaged. I don't appreciate being told that my relationship is not going to last simply because I am a masochist.

    I have the same feelings x

    Yeah. I'm very sorry for anyone who's experienced domestic violence in their family, it must be totally devastating -- but there is simply no comparison between that and BDSM. Of course, there can be absue within a D/s relationship, there can be abuse in ANY relationship -- but hitting is not automatically abuse. There doesn't even have to be hitting for there to be abuse. It's not as black and white as that.

    no correlation what-so-ever, again i agree completely and have the same feelings with what youre saying :) xx

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    bohohippy [sign in to see picture]
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    My partner is very Vanilla, I gave up my 'harder' side for a long time so I could get used to just being us.. we're 2 years in and are talking about spicing it up a bit, which means I'm going to bring my likes in more, we're going to start with him just slapping my bum, which he does without asking so I know he likes it... after Im going to make him use a flogger, as a tinkler but at the same time to slap my behind... it's simple, not too heavy... we talk over text and face to face about what we like...

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    lilac_vix [sign in to see picture]
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    BDSM doens't always happen in the bedroom either and its not always the man giving.

    I personally don't find rope/bondage synomomous with S&M either. I love being tied up and particularly love suspension but I don't like pain.

    I find the giving and keeping of trust really strenghtens my relationship with the person I'm allowing to tie me up. I allow them to do it, and have control and trust them not to abuse that trust. At the end of the day once you are in that position if there is no trust and respect a safeword counts for nothing. The trust thing is one of the reasons I enjoy swinging as well.

    Maybe a good starting place for bondage is looking at Shibari Rope Art :-) it's a pretty interesting skill to learn. There are rope workshops arounf the country as well.

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    shellyboo [sign in to see picture]
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    bohohippy wrote:

    My partner is very Vanilla, I gave up my 'harder' side for a long time so I could get used to just being us.. we're 2 years in and are talking about spicing it up a bit, which means I'm going to bring my likes in more, we're going to start with him just slapping my bum, which he does without asking so I know he likes it... after Im going to make him use a flogger, as a tinkler but at the same time to slap my behind... it's simple, not too heavy... we talk over text and face to face about what we like...

    A flogger is a great place to start! We have a soft suede one and I adore the feel of it... no pain at all even when he's really going for it, just a lovely tickly/sensitive feeling. Mmmm :)

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    truffle [sign in to see picture]
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    Going back to the first post, from my own experience if he isn't comfortable you can't make him. One of my exes accidentally brushed his hand round my throat once and that was the first time I realised hands around my neck turned me on. He noticed, of course, and he'd do it sometimes but not with great conviction. When we broke up (on an unrelated matter) my friend told me that he'd found it really weird. We were young, incompatible and didn't talk much and obviously that's one of the main things you need when heading towards this sort of thing.

    I honestly don't know how my current OH and I started getting into more kinky areas... He was a bit shy and not as experienced as I was so I didn't particularly want to suggest he tie me up and lightly choke me! It just sort of happened, a light spank and pinning my hands down. Once I realised he was doing it of his own accord I told him that I liked it like this, and we haven't looked back so to speak. He enjoys controlling me, I enjoy letting him. The trust you have to have is amazing too. I haven't had to use a safe word yet, which he made me make as he was worried about going too far, but the fact that he was worried about me and that he would stop if I said it feels a little bit awesome. Makes you feel very very close. Anyway, my point is that everyone sees bondage etc very differently, which is evident even in this thread. If he doesn't feel comfortable, after maybe reading some bondage fiction or some light pinning down that others have suggested, she can't change that. Sex is for two people, and I've made sure my OH enjoys what he's doing to me because it wouldn't feel right otherwise.

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