• need some help

    1342802623
    vics [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 3
    • Joined: 26 Mar 2012

    Hey guys, not been here for a while, didnt have access :(

    Anyway, just lookin for a little advice. My boyfriend was away workin for 2 weeks, he got home a week ago, and we had sex when we came home from me picking him up. As normal, he got to finish then I just got left, then that night we had sex again, but this time he finished again, but then he did pleasure me(I cant seem to when we are having sex). We had quite a busy weekend with him away with family n me away down south with my sister, so we nevr had sex again until tuesday. Tuesday night was good coz after he had finished he spent a while on me. He would say that he liked me to dress up for him, so I was gonna do something for him coming in from work on Wed, I am off work n not seeing him for 2 weeks has made me pretty horny lol. But about an hour before he was due to get home he phoned n said that he had to take his family shopping n got hom 4 hours later, by then it had kinda passed. So yesterday he said he was comin straight home so I was waitin for him coming in, he came straight to bed, but all it was just me pleasuring him. It kinda annoyed me coz I had been dead excited n couldnt wait for him to come home, so was rather disappointing. He said to me jokingly that he was gonna make me wait until that night, but then he fell asleep on the couch.

    Can some1 please tell me if im being selfish. He is the first proper boyfriend that ive had n really dont wanna chase him away, but at the same time, I dont wanna feel like im there for his needs only, coz alot of the time after he gets to finish, im just left lying there.

    1342803320
    xrd_man [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 161
    • Joined: 2 Jul 2012

    Firstly its always best to talk to him about it, you're not being selfish but he might not know its a big problem for you. The other thing I would suggest is to get him to make you come first as for a guy when your done you feel tired and its often difficult to stay in the mood. Maybe work on foreplay a bit more too.

    1342803341
    sub-kitten [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 440
    • Joined: 10 Jul 2012

    No you are not being selfish. Have you spoken to him about this? Alot of guys are quite dense when it comes to understanding how we feel so whilst we feel it is glaringly obvious, to them it may not be. Tell him how you feel & what you need from him. If he cares then he'll do what he can to make you happy.

    I've added you as a friend vics as I'm going through a fairly similar situation with a infuriatingly selfish & dense man & am here if you wanna talk x

    1342803354
    afraidnotscared [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 183
    • Joined: 11 Dec 2011

    Hi Vics,

    That sounds pretty frustrating. From where I'm sitting, there's one person being selfish here & it's not you! Sex should be amazing for both of you. It sounds as though he's enjoying himself, but only returning the compliment when it suits him & that's not the way to make a relationship work.

    I'm not terribly sure what to suggest to sort things out, but some things to try could be:

    Spending more time on foreplay, which would hopefully help you enjoy things a bit more.

    Being a bit selfish - don't let him inside you until he's made you cum - preferably more than once!

    Knocking penetrative sex on the head for a while - simply don't let him get to the stage where he can just finish & fall asleep, instead concentrate of caressing, oral, etc.

    Failing all that, just shout at him & let him know what a selfish bugger he's being!

    Good luck!

    1342804204
    afraidnotscared [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 183
    • Joined: 11 Dec 2011

    Ork wrote:

    afraidnotscared wrote:

    Hi Vics,

    That sounds pretty frustrating. From where I'm sitting, there's one person being selfish here & it's not you! Sex should be amazing for both of you. It sounds as though he's enjoying himself, but only returning the compliment when it suits him & that's not the way to make a relationship work.

    I'm not terribly sure what to suggest to sort things out, but some things to try could be:

    Spending more time on foreplay, which would hopefully help you enjoy things a bit more.

    Being a bit selfish - don't let him inside you until he's made you cum - preferably more than once!

    Knocking penetrative sex on the head for a while - simply don't let him get to the stage where he can just finish & fall asleep, instead concentrate of caressing, oral, etc.

    Failing all that, just shout at him & let him know what a selfish bugger he's being!

    Good luck!

    What?! We don't know anything much about the poor guy to bash him like that just yet! From what I read there is a simple lack of communication! How can a guy be selfish if he doesn't know that she isn't happy?!

    It might just be that we're reading the original post in different ways - I thought it was implied that the boyfriend knows that she's not reaching the Big O & is therefore being selfish be going to sleep the moment he's finished.

    1342805011
    xrd_man [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 161
    • Joined: 2 Jul 2012

    Ork wrote:

    Oh if that's the case I'm with you all the way, but it sounded to me like he isn't aware. Some guy's assume sex is sex and that they get all they need from it when the guy's done as the education system doesn't like in depth talk of orgasm's lol. So a lot of people just assume women orgasm through sex, it took me coming on here before I realized how women actually got any form of fun out of it.

    I agree, a lot of guys have no way of finding out without being told! Although my wife does say she does say that she likes sex even without the orgasm and so I shouldn't worry every time.

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