• Tantra, Kerezza and non-climax intercourse

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    Lovehoney - Alice [sign in to see picture]
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    I spotted an article yesterday (yes, on the Daily Mail - it's the most read website on earth I have to read it for work purposes !) about 'karezza' (which I realise now I've misspelt in the title, grrr).

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2171462/How-couples-having-sex-reaching-orgasm-ON-PURPOSE-spark-marriages.html

    Many people have pointed to the fact this is just Tantra under a different name. Which, to me, just makes me think of Sting.

    It got me wondering if anyone here has experimented with tantric sex, kerezza etc or whether it's just a fancy way of saying "stay intimate, it's not always about the orgasm"?

    So, er, discuss...

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    Lady Ness [sign in to see picture]
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    I was explaining to a lover the other day that it's not about orgasms when having sex it's the emotional and physical contact whilst pleasuring each other which really stimulates me.

    Ok, so orgasms are great, but there's so much more behind it all.

    I probably ended up spending three hours the other night with a lover without reaching orgasm, just enjoying touching, eye contact, and the scents and heat of intimacy.

    I've always enjoyed the idea of Tantric sex, but I'm not sure I could do it all the time. But every now and again taking things slowly, with maybe some relaxation and meditation, pressure point massage uis a lot better than having 5 or 6 orgasms.

    Anyway it's something I'm interested in learning a lot more about and experimenting with.

    I realised a long time a go that it's not all about orgasms, even with sex toys - some are designed for foreplay, and foreplay is a very enjoyable part of life and makes everything more exciting and enjoyable =)

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    Lady Ness [sign in to see picture]
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    Lovehoney - Hella wrote:

    I think this is a recipe for sexual frustration and dissatisfaction. Generally women are seeking more orgasms in the bedroom, not less. I also think I'm in the minority in not being a fan of receiving oral sex as foreplay, so the suggestion that oral should be dropped entirely is something I don't think will make women too happy either.

    Stating that men are addicted to pornography is also a drastically sexist generalisation.

    I personally think it would be better to advice to play Tenacious D's "F Her Gently' and tell your partner to take the hint. ;)

    hahaha! this made me lol, me and teh OH when younger use to shag to this and sing a long... *embarrassed*

    Just like to point out that I haven't had time to read the new article yet =)

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    The tips for kerezza are below, why not do all of them, then have a bloody good shag?

    • Smiling, with eye contact

      Gazing into each others eyes for several moments

      Synchronised breathing

      Cradling, or gently rocking, your partner’s head and torso

      Holding, or spooning, each other in stillness for at least twenty minutes to a half-hour

      Wordless sounds of contentment and pleasure

      Stroking, hugging and massaging with intent to comfort, rather than gain something

      Lying with your ear over your partner’s heart and listening to his or her heartbeat for several moments

      Touching and sucking of nipples/breasts

      Gently placing your palm over your lover’s genitals with intent to comfort

      Making time together at bedtime a priority, even if one partner has to get up and work on something afterward

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    Lovehoney - Alice wrote:

    It got me wondering if anyone here has experimented with tantric sex, kerezza etc or whether it's just a fancy way of saying "stay intimate, it's not always about the orgasm"?

    So, er, discuss...

    I think it is a typical tabloid article with headline grabbing remarks like

    This overstimulation of the pleasure receptors can desensitise the brain to pleasure or create a craving for more, leading to unhealthy cravings and an imbalance in the brain's harmony.

    This is backing Oxford and Cambridge in the boat race, it merely says research has shown anything can happen.

    when men are addicted to pornography or have frequent orgasms, 'no amount of pleasure can satisfy.'

    I find frequent orgasms very satisfying and live happily in the memory when we cant be together

    Through bonding behaviour and relaxation, Karezza, which discourages conventional foreplay of oral sex, also encourages the brain to release the 'love' hormone ocytocin.
    This made me laugh until the 1970s oral sex was unconventional

    In the 'passion cycle of orgasm,' the hormone dopamine rises in anticipation of sex, then crashes after orgasm, creating a biochemical 'hangover,' according to Robinson.She explained that in men, this hangover happens almost immediately after ejaculation; for women, it can be two weeks before the brain returns to its equilibrium.


    This proves nothing except dopamine has little effect, I dont have a hormonal hangover after orgasm, I can have another 30 minutes later and spend the time in between pleasuring my OH. The idea that 1 orgasm can affect a womans state of mind for 2 weeks is silly unless it is her first of course. Maybe they are trying to explain the afterglow if they are this hormonal crash and hangover is damned pleasurable.

    He says that conventional sex, and its: 'lick, pump, squirt, snore,' is a purely man driven act.
    Now, he says his wife feels she is an equal partner

    All this says is a couple have found a way to respect each other as equals, many couples start like that. The idea that sex is purely man driven is contradicted by many posters on the LH forum, some of whom complain that their men arnt "driven" enough. The expression "lick, pump, squirt, snore" describes making love in the most base way purely to shock and ascribing that as pertaining to only to men is cheap.

    Like others, the Keils say they experience occasional orgasms 'accidentally,' but karezza guru Marnia Robinson said it does not violate any rules.

    She explained: 'I have orgasms and it's no big deal - gentle lovemaking sometimes slips over the edges and that's nice.' but the headline states "The anti-climax? How couples are having sex without reaching orgasm ON PURPOSE to put the spark back into their marriages", so the article and its headline are misleading and therefore borrocks.

    Any agony aunt will tell a couple having problems in bed to spend more time together be more intimate and dont feel pressured to always have sex.

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    Lovehoney - Hella wrote:

    Eyeballing each other for several minutes. :shudders:

    We always sit opposite each other in a resteraunt and always make eye contact when in conversation, I didnt realise I was on the way to being a sex guru or that having a meal out was taking part in the daily mails latest sex fad

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    occhiverdi [sign in to see picture]
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    I find tantric sex a rather interesting topic... problem being 3 minutes of gentle sex and I beg to get the sh** banged out of me... so maybe it isnt for me!!!

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    occhiverdi [sign in to see picture]
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    gunther wrote:

    The tips for kerezza are below, why not do all of them, then have a bloody good shag?

    • Smiling, with eye contact

      Gazing into each others eyes for several moments

      Synchronised breathing

      Cradling, or gently rocking, your partner’s head and torso

      Holding, or spooning, each other in stillness for at least twenty minutes to a half-hour

      Wordless sounds of contentment and pleasure

      Stroking, hugging and massaging with intent to comfort, rather than gain something

      Lying with your ear over your partner’s heart and listening to his or her heartbeat for several moments

      Touching and sucking of nipples/breasts

      Gently placing your palm over your lover’s genitals with intent to comfort

      Making time together at bedtime a priority, even if one partner has to get up and work on something afterward

    We tend to do all of these (apart from the cradling) ... i didn't realise all these things had a name!!!

    I openly admit I enjoy falling asleep holding OH's "genitals"

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    sub-kitten [sign in to see picture]
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    occhiverdi wrote:

    I find tantric sex a rather interesting topic... problem being 3 minutes of gentle sex and I beg to get the sh** banged out of me... so maybe it isnt for me!!!

    Haha this was my thoughts exactly!

    We do most of the things on the list as part of our standard, day-to-day lives. I like to think it's making us a stronger couple.

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    occhiverdi [sign in to see picture]
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    sub-kitten wrote:

    occhiverdi wrote:

    I find tantric sex a rather interesting topic... problem being 3 minutes of gentle sex and I beg to get the sh** banged out of me... so maybe it isnt for me!!!

    Haha this was my thoughts exactly!

    We do most of the things on the list as part of our standard, day-to-day lives. I like to think it's making us a stronger couple.

    I love all the gentle stuff on a day to day basis especially when tired or just relaxing.

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    sub-kitten [sign in to see picture]
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    occhiverdi wrote:

    sub-kitten wrote:

    occhiverdi wrote:

    I find tantric sex a rather interesting topic... problem being 3 minutes of gentle sex and I beg to get the sh** banged out of me... so maybe it isnt for me!!!

    Haha this was my thoughts exactly!

    We do most of the things on the list as part of our standard, day-to-day lives. I like to think it's making us a stronger couple.

    I love all the gentle stuff on a day to day basis especially when tired or just relaxing.

    Exactly. It's a nice way to maintain the intimacy without having all out sex which sometimes you're just too tired for. I like nothing better than lying with my head on my OH's chest watching telly whilst he plays with my hair & rubs my shoulders. We can sit like that, not saying a word, for hours.

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    I am amazed that a mainstream news item can sensationalise doing what a huge slice of the population do anyway, they seem to advocate continuing behaving like love struck teenagers (nowt wrong with that) but without the sex

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    Candied Citrus [sign in to see picture]
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    gunther wrote:

    I am amazed that a mainstream news item can sensationalise doing what a huge slice of the population do anyway, they seem to advocate continuing behaving like love struck teenagers (nowt wrong with that) but without the sex

    I think it's more a case of the sex isn't what it's all about...? ^^; Or having sex where an orgasm is the "only" point/goal (as it were) isn't what it's all about; instead, having sex to simply be intimate and close and to show your affection for one another can be better - an "accidental" orgasm, in this case (as it isn't what you're aiming for), is just a cherry on top. :P

    Or at least that's what I thought they were trying to say in the article. :) I don't know. ^^

    I think it could be a good thing, though - some people feel pressured, and get stressed out, during sex because they find it difficult to orgasm; I think something like this could maybe ease the pressure that they put on themselves? If they realise that an orgasm isn't necessary to enjoy being intimate with another person, that is. :) And while an orgasm is nice, it isn't the only pleasure that you can get. :P

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    Plain Jane [sign in to see picture]
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    gunther wrote:

    The tips for kerezza are below, why not do all of them, then have a bloody good shag?

    • Smiling, with eye contact

      Gazing into each others eyes for several moments

      Synchronised breathing

      Cradling, or gently rocking, your partner’s head and torso

      Holding, or spooning, each other in stillness for at least twenty minutes to a half-hour

      Wordless sounds of contentment and pleasure

      Stroking, hugging and massaging with intent to comfort, rather than gain something

      Lying with your ear over your partner’s heart and listening to his or her heartbeat for several moments

      Touching and sucking of nipples/breasts

      Gently placing your palm over your lover’s genitals with intent to comfort

      Making time together at bedtime a priority, even if one partner has to get up and work on something afterward

    Substitute Saturday afternoon for bedtime, I'll tell my bestest friend there is a proper name for what we do apart from the bloody good shag though

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    I thing

    Candied Citrus wrote:

    gunther wrote:

    I am amazed that a mainstream news item can sensationalise doing what a huge slice of the population do anyway, they seem to advocate continuing behaving like love struck teenagers (nowt wrong with that) but without the sex

    I think it's more a case of the sex isn't what it's all about...? ^^; Or having sex where an orgasm is the "only" point/goal (as it were) isn't what it's all about; instead, having sex to simply be intimate and close and to show your affection for one another can be better - an "accidental" orgasm, in this case (as it isn't what you're aiming for), is just a cherry on top. :P

    Or at least that's what I thought they were trying to say in the article. I don't know. ^^

    I think thats what I said, love struck teenagers touch gaze and spend time together...with sex....somehow it degenerates into only sex, I see the article as trying to restore the old balance

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    Plain Jane wrote:Substitute Saturday afternoon for bedtime, I'll tell my bestest friend there is a proper name for what we do apart from the bloody good shag though

    Friendship is good too Jane

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    Candied Citrus [sign in to see picture]
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    gunther wrote:

    Candied Citrus wrote:

    gunther wrote:

    I am amazed that a mainstream news item can sensationalise doing what a huge slice of the population do anyway, they seem to advocate continuing behaving like love struck teenagers (nowt wrong with that) but without the sex

    I think it's more a case of the sex isn't what it's all about...? ^^; Or having sex where an orgasm is the "only" point/goal (as it were) isn't what it's all about; instead, having sex to simply be intimate and close and to show your affection for one another can be better - an "accidental" orgasm, in this case (as it isn't what you're aiming for), is just a cherry on top. :P

    Or at least that's what I thought they were trying to say in the article. I don't know. ^^

    I think thats what I said, love struck teenagers touch gaze and spend time together...with sex....somehow it degenerates into only sex, I see the article as trying to restore the old balance

    Ah right, sorry. I kind of misinterpreted what you meant there. :) My bad! ^^

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    Candied Citrus wrote:

    Ah right, sorry. I kind of misinterpreted what you meant there. :) My bad! ^^

    No Bad at all, it is perhaps the most complicated issue in human relationships and we are on different sides of a curious divide

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    rose hip [sign in to see picture]
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    The side bar reccomendations will all increase oxytocin levels, which promotes bonding, etc. This is strongest for about a year, long enough to keep a couple together through pregnancy and childbirth at the very least and hopefully long enough for other factors like deep commitment and lasting love to develop.

    After the first year, the effect decreases. I'm wondering if that's why this therapuetic approach reduces orgasm and focuses on only activities which release the most oxytocin, perhaps effectively decreasing the amount of competition amongst neurotransmitters in the brain.

    I'm not up to trying to summarize serotonin and dopamine activity re sex, maybe someone else can help with that. If I'm remembering correctly, the issue is dopamine depletion. Sex alone won't 'cause' it, but can be the trigger if other factors like diet are right. Well, more like wrong. I think. %-)

    I haven't studied tantra, but have experienced things which are in keeping with my understanding of some of it. How to explain? Sometimes less really is more. When it works, so much more too. :-) Less reliance on friction and the kind of physical stimulation we all know and love. Instead, a kind of edging through small muscle movements in the genital region, either intentional or the body's normal reactions, and lots of playing with internal energy.

    Because it's a type of edging, it can be taken over into orgasm intentionally, slip over on its own, or allowed to linger without climax.

    So imagine a lovely hour of slow, very intimate edging and what might come from that....

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    wow rose hip ........didnt know people studied it to that level

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