• Can i be a sub and a dom - is this normal?

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    welshlad234 [sign in to see picture]
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    hi all.

    this is prob going to sound a really stupid question but do other people switch / take turns with their partners being subs and doms? I know there are many who will be eaither or.......

    Now currenltly i have two main conflicting fantasies. one where i would argue i am the sub in the relationship and one where i am the dom in the relationship.

    just wondering if there are many people out there like me who enjoy Both being a Dom and Sub? or am i just strange haha.

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    yep my welsh friend they call that being a switch

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    welshlad234 [sign in to see picture]
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    thanks. always good to know :)

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    ha ha and its a normal feeling i do it myself depends how we are feeling

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    laceandglitter [sign in to see picture]
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    Absolutely! I've never been both in one relationship... I was a Dom in my last relationship and I'm currently more of a Sub, but I identify with both.

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    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
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    Hello,

    I am switch too. So definitely nothing strange, there are more people like this even on the forum.

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    maybe the problem starts when you put on a label like sub and dom in the first place

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    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
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    gunther wrote:

    maybe the problem starts when you put on a label like sub and dom in the first place

    Why is that? I think those terms are all right and describe what some people enjoy with their partners.

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    MissTerryCleavage [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm with Gunther on this, personally I hate labels, but others need them, horse for courses I guess. I just like what I like when I like it, it varies, a lot, so labelling me is problematic...

    However if forced to choose, I would say having always thought myself as mainly sub, seems actually I'm probably more of a switch too... Best of both worlds some say, indecisive say others, who cares, as long as you and your partner enjoy it :)

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    Laveila wrote:

    gunther wrote:

    maybe the problem starts when you put on a label like sub and dom in the first place

    Why is that? I think those terms are all right and describe what some people enjoy with their partners.

    maybe the word "problem" was a bad choice, what i meant was the words sub dom top bottom mean different things to different people and from time to time likes and dislikes change. As soon as you use the word dom or sub then you need another word for switch. We do stuff which alternates between domination and submissive but we dont use words like dom and sub, its just what we enjoy doing.

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    MissTerryCleavage wrote:

    However if forced to choose,

    If you can be forced to choose you must be in "sub" mode lol

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    MissTerryCleavage [sign in to see picture]
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    gunther wrote:

    MissTerryCleavage wrote:

    However if forced to choose,

    If you can be forced to choose you must be in "sub" mode lol

    Haha, you know what I meant ;)

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    MissTerryCleavage wrote:

    gunther wrote:

    MissTerryCleavage wrote:

    However if forced to choose,

    If you can be forced to choose you must be in "sub" mode lol

    Haha, you know what I meant ;)

    Ha Ha of course i did, I just had a comical mental image of a guy with a paddle forcing someone to choose something.....still laughing at it now.

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    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
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    gunther wrote:

    Laveila wrote:

    gunther wrote:

    maybe the problem starts when you put on a label like sub and dom in the first place

    Why is that? I think those terms are all right and describe what some people enjoy with their partners.

    maybe the word "problem" was a bad choice, what i meant was the words sub dom top bottom mean different things to different people and from time to time likes and dislikes change. As soon as you use the word dom or sub then you need another word for switch. We do stuff which alternates between domination and submissive but we dont use words like dom and sub, its just what we enjoy doing.

    I think labels can help people sometimes to identify with something. Yes, they are artificially made. But they can be helpful. They can be tricky, at some points. And may lead to creating new labels, yet they can help people in situations, when they are eg. exploring their personalities.

    And yu dont have to use it in relationship. But eg. when I found out about my sexuality, the labels did help me to identify myself. Even without using the words Dom and sub with my partner.

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    Thanks Lavelia point taken, clearly they are useful but maybe best not to get too hung up on over precise definitions.

    As an example of my point my OH loves oral from behind while stood up, I think it is called the butler position, this is sometimes used by dominatrix to dominate a sub. However I dont feel dominated or submissive doing it, its just a different position that she likes.

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    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
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    gunther wrote:

    Thanks Lavelia point taken, clearly they are useful but maybe best not to get too hung up on over precise definitions.

    As an example of my point my OH loves oral from behind while stood up, I think it is called the butler position, this is sometimes used by dominatrix to dominate a sub. However I dont feel dominated or submissive doing it, its just a different position that she likes.

    I this case its not really about being Dom or sub. It is also about the whole context. Eg. following orders, punishment for disobeying, etc. When one partner has consensually power over the other, can be in bedroom only, but can also go into different parts of life. As far as both partners are happy and comfortable with.

    I am not that much into that. And I am very very mildly into bondage, although there are hints of it in my sexuality.

    And noone said to take the labels strictly. Just that they can be of some use for people.

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    Jimi Duro [sign in to see picture]
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    Sex Can be what you want it to be...

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    sure can

    and i want it to be exciting

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    elliex [sign in to see picture]
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    I think it's totally normal to switch between sub and dom at times. Ususally I'm quite sub but every now and then I enjoy being a bit more dom for a while...... You need a bit of variety! Things can get too boring if you stick with the exact same thing all the time.

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    quite agree with you there elliex

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