• New to anal sex, need a little advice please

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    Naughtybutnice12 [sign in to see picture]
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    Me and partner recently started experimenting with anal sex. We have taken this slowly (and cleanly) using lots of lube and 'warming up' before hand. I havent experienced any pain but get the overwhelming urge to poo after a couple of minutes of full penetration and need to stop (upon stopping however, the urge passes). Is this something that just needs practise before I don't get that feeling anymore or is there something we can do to make things easier? Thanks

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    dotdashdot [sign in to see picture]
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    It's completely normal and you just need to relax and keep practising! Do you enjoy the feeling of full anal sex?

    It's strange at first because you're used to things only coming out of there, not going in! And it can take a while for you to disassociate the feelings of going to the loo and having anal sex. It's just your mind telling you "there's something there, get it out" sorry to be graphic!!

    Buying a douche may help as you'll know that you don't need to and there won't be any doubt! Warming up lots, using lots of lube and most importantly enjoying the sensation are the things you really need to focus on.

    Buying a butt plug for you to use whilst having vaginal sex feels amazing, you're already more relaxed as you're having sex and your partner can move it in and out which may help you to get used to the sensation a little bit.

    Hope this helps! x

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    very boring fact but food /waste moves through the intestines by a process called peristalsis

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peristalsis

    anal penetration is (as dotdash says) going in the wrong direction and triggers the wanting to "go" reflex/sensation

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    Naughtybutnice12 [sign in to see picture]
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    Dotdashdot - yes, I do enjoy it and I think that's what makes it more frustrating! I considered/am still considering a douche but we have never had any 'accidents' - so I'm not sure if the issue is more psychological than anything but practise makes perfect and I don't think either of us will mind practising! I really like your suggestion of a butt plug, especially as my aim (once completely comfortable with anal penetration) is to experiment with DP. I know this is all very graphic but it is difficult to talk about this subject without being graphic.

    Gunther - I'm all for 'boring' facts being a bit of a secret geek lol

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    dotdashdot [sign in to see picture]
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    Ohh don't worry about being graphic! Well I think you'll like the butt plug idea then. There are loads on lovehoney to experiment with.

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=16053

    is a great little one for beginners anal play, you might be a little past that stage now and want to try something bigger.

    I also have this one http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=16561

    which is really great, bit of a luxury set and feel amazing. They have a hole in the bottom of each plug which means that your partner can insert his finger and use it to move the plug in and out. Or you can buy a bullet vibrator and put it in, therefore making it a vibrating butt plug! Your partner will be able to feel the vibrations when he's inside you and may really like the sensation too! x

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    kc. [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi. My wife and I have been enjoying anal sex for the best part of 14 years now, penile penetration, numerous toys of all shapes and sizes, and various fingers and amounts and I can happily say that in all that time we have not had any sort of accidents so don't worry too much. Just relax enjoy it as it is just such an amazing feeling and extremely initimate. My wife loves it and its fair to say that I do too.

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    Naughtybutnice12 [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks for the advice, it's reassuring to know its quite normal and we will just keep practising - with the help of some upcoming purchases

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    dotdashdot [sign in to see picture]
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    No problem, hope the advice works for you!! xxx

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    dotdashdot [sign in to see picture]
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    Ork wrote:

    Not sure if you have been using a douche yet or not? But if you are try using it a bit more or if that's not working it may be your going deep enough to need an enema. The feeling of needing to go is down to the fact there is crap in there somewhere.

    If you need to go then go and douche I had this problem age's back and it was due to the fact there was still crap in the system so I got an enema solved all my problems but it's not for everyone. The feeling of needing to go is as mentioned natural but it's probably there because as I mentioned you still need to flush out the system.

    I'd argue this, I think it's more to do with the fact that you're not used to the feeling of having something up there. By having something up your bottom you're stimulating nerves that tell you that there's something there and you need to go to the loo to get it out... it's just your body's natural reaction. Sorry to be graphic!!

    Of course I'd recommend a douche but I think an enema is a little extreme.

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    Naughtybutnice12 [sign in to see picture]
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    I would have thought that if the issue was that there was still something in there then the need to go to the loo wouldn't disappear as soon as we stop? I could be wrong as I'm quite inexperienced in this area but it seems to make sense - to me at least

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    Jimi Duro [sign in to see picture]
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    I just think its one of those things that takes time , Practice and patience ... wish I was lucky enough to find a woman who would entertain the idea !!

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    Naughtybutnice12 [sign in to see picture]
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    I don't know how other women feel about it but I find it an incredibly intimate act that requires complete love, trust and openness with your partner. I never would have entertained the idea in past relationships/when I was younger.

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    dotdashdot [sign in to see picture]
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    Naughtybutnice12 wrote:

    I don't know how other women feel about it but I find it an incredibly intimate act that requires complete love, trust and openness with your partner. I never would have entertained the idea in past relationships/when I was younger.

    I agree, I didn't try it with my ex until we were completely comfortable with each other. It was very intimate, pleasurable and a new thing for us to explore.

    I have done it once on a one night stand but I felt completely in control of the situation otherwise it definitely wouldn't have happened!

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    Incendiaire [sign in to see picture]
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    dotdashdot wrote:

    Ork wrote:

    Not sure if you have been using a douche yet or not? But if you are try using it a bit more or if that's not working it may be your going deep enough to need an enema. The feeling of needing to go is down to the fact there is crap in there somewhere.

    If you need to go then go and douche I had this problem age's back and it was due to the fact there was still crap in the system so I got an enema solved all my problems but it's not for everyone. The feeling of needing to go is as mentioned natural but it's probably there because as I mentioned you still need to flush out the system.

    I'd argue this, I think it's more to do with the fact that you're not used to the feeling of having something up there. By having something up your bottom you're stimulating nerves that tell you that there's something there and you need to go to the loo to get it out... it's just your body's natural reaction. Sorry to be graphic!!

    Of course I'd recommend a douche but I think an enema is a little extreme.

    Actually you're both right.

    With people completely new to anal play it's typical that having anything inserted there will trigger the urge to go to the loo. It's almost a phantom sensation, and it'll go away with practise as your body gets used to what's happening.

    At the same time anal sex can actually cause you to go to the loo even though you thought you didn't need to. Waste material is slowly moving through the large intestine all the time, and the strongest urge to go the loo comes when the body tries to pass something from the sigmoid colon into the rectum, but it can't because the rectum is full. In this instance slight pressure begins to build as the body feels that things are getting backed up, and it wants to correct this so it makes you go to the loo. When you're having anal sex this takes place primarily in the rectum, which is actually only around 5" deep, and connects to the sigmoid colon at a right angle. Even if you've douched beforehand you can only be certain that your rectum is empty, but nothing further up. If your partner is well endowed and is doing deep thrusts then he's going to hit up against the top of the rectum, and if there's even the slightest amount anything sitting in the sigmoid colon then this pressure will trigger the body to start telling you that you really need to go to the loo, as the intestine begins attempting to move the material downwards.

    My advice for anal play would be this:

    • Try to go to the loo first
    • Douche
    • Wear a good sized butt plug for a while until you become accustomed to it
    • If the urge to go to the loo doesn't vanish then remove the plug and use the loo
    • Douche again
    • Have sex

    I wouldn't really recommend a deep enema, it's a bit of a drastic solution, and unless you're intending to fit a whole 18 inch dildo up your bum then it's a bit unecessary.

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    Naughtybutnice12 [sign in to see picture]
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    I think my problem is that the need to go to the loo does vanish - instantly in fact after he pulls out. It's only when deep penetration occurs that I feel this urge and with tongue/fingers/shallow penetration it doesn't happen. I always go to the loo and make sure I'm clean before sex - not directly before but probably within 30 minutes as I can always tell when it's coming (no pun intended!)

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    Johnny Roach [sign in to see picture]
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    i think with every beginner that feeling of needing to 'go' is a strange sensation to get used to, since something is going in, not the other way! it does subside with time, the more you do it, the more you get used to it and the less your body is trying to resist it.

    warming up with plugs definitely helps your body become accustomed to the feeling of being filled. some people (like myself) like to wear them during the day, as it's fun and naughty. I wore one to trip down to the bank. getting in the car and sitting down with it was quite fun! as is walking around with it inside you

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    Naked_butler [sign in to see picture]
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    my advise.... gently, gently

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