• When the ex is a problem...

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    ShaftMaster [sign in to see picture]
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    redjellybean wrote:

    Men can be TOTALLY oblivious at times... He didn't understand why I was upset at him being the photographer at an ex's wedding; he had cheated on his ex-fiancee with her as well!! MEN!

    Hahaha, if we're going with generalisations, I have to say I've known more a few women who too insecure about their partners. WOMEN!!!

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    occhiverdi [sign in to see picture]
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    Men really are a bit dumb. I was thinking about this while I was at the hairdressers! I think my conclusion is that OH and I have never spoke about how it ended just as I haven't spoken about mine. So I suppose like most couples assumptions are made that it ended badly, when I'm sure relationships where the ex is on the scene usually end on friendlier terms? (or is that just my train of thought?)

    I would never dictate who he can be friends with but I think sensitivity is a big thing here and the partners feelings need to be taken into consideration. I'm not sure about others but I just don't like the idea of anyone hurting my OH, having been hurt by my own ex its a pain id never wish on anyone and I suppose that can lead to a prickly attitude about ex's!!!!!!

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    naughtywildfun90 [sign in to see picture]
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    My OH tried to stay friends and when i moved in with him, she tried to make friends with me. Although this just turned out to be ulterior motives and she tried to split us up, several hundred times. saying our son wasnt his, her son was his, asking to come round when i wasnt there. we have both completely erased her out of our lives, which was fine for a few months. Then she added his mom as a friend on fb, who went crazy as she hates her more than anything! xx

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    TTurtle [sign in to see picture]
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    occhiverdi wrote:

    Men really are a bit dumb.

    Bit of a harsh generalisation I told my most recent ex why it ended with my sons Mum (in quite a bit of detail actually), and I'll tell my next parter why it ended with my ex if they're interested. For the record I have severed all contact with my ex, deleted everything about her and have no plans to contact her in the future. It didn't end badly per say, the distance just became a problem, she has asked to remain friends and I've said no. So not ALL men are dumb

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    occhiverdi [sign in to see picture]
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    Point made Mr T lol

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    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    A lot of good points made!

    I will also add - whether you like it or not, being in a relationship for 5 years is bound to have a big impact on your life. Even if he loves the relationship he's in now and doesn't want things to change, he may still have fond feelings for her and I don't think you can avoid that if the relationship ended on good terms. Sometimes it's nice to keep memories around of other times in your life but that certainly does not mean that he wants that time back, it's just another time in his life.

    I have fond feelings of lost friends but that doesn't mean I want them back in my life because I know we're better off not being friends and my friends now are a million times more important to me but it's still nice to remember the old times sometimes.

    Adx

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    ShaftMaster [sign in to see picture]
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    Alicia D'amore wrote:

    A lot of good points made!

    I will also add - whether you like it or not, being in a relationship for 5 years is bound to have a big impact on your life. Even if he loves the relationship he's in now and doesn't want things to change, he may still have fond feelings for her and I don't think you can avoid that if the relationship ended on good terms. Sometimes it's nice to keep memories around of other times in your life but that certainly does not mean that he wants that time back, it's just another time in his life.

    I have fond feelings of lost friends but that doesn't mean I want them back in my life because I know we're better off not being friends and my friends now are a million times more important to me but it's still nice to remember the old times sometimes.

    Adx

    I have to completely agree with this. I know I'm new when it comes to relationships (I've never had a proper ex), but I just don't understand why people will cut an ex out of their life just because they are no longer in a relationship. If it ended on bad terms, then fair enough, but if it just didn't work out and you grew apart, they were still an important part of your life for X amount of time, and I think it's ridiculous to try and forget about that.

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    mybadx [sign in to see picture]
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    ShaftMaster wrote:

    mybadx wrote:

    My OH has quite a bit of his x's on fb etc and it didnt bother me till one of them messaged him and started asking how i was etc, i said to him she wasnt asking how i was but simply if we was still together etc and him being a bloke was totally blind to this, she evan went as far as not realising we had a daughter together. So long story short i then took over the messaging to her through his account and low and behold she was all for meeting up in a hotel and i didnt need to know. It then resulted in a huge argument and her being swiftly deleted off there.

    I do get on with one of his ex's and it dont bother me as we had a friendship before i evan new about them years before. But evan 5 years down the line i still get a little insecure on why he has them on there as to me my ex's are left in the past.

    I don't wish to sound critical of anyone else's life, but I have to admit, of all the posts, this one sticks out for me. You say it was his ex wanting to rekindle things with your OH, how much did you talk to him bout this before taking over his account? And did he know you were doing this?

    We talked alot about it, i never evan knew she had mailed him until he said so n so was asking for you and i wanted to see who and what she had said it was then the way the convo was going i could see what she was upto. My OH said she was being inocent and just poliet and i said no chance and that i would prove to him she wanted more, at that point as far as i was aware she was just someone he was at school with but a few messages down the line turns out it was far more than that.

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    lilley.bubbles [sign in to see picture]
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    ok amazingly just got off facebook to my ex whos is bit of bad news asking me to go round his tongiht for (sum loving) i hate it cuz i know his an ass n we lost the house and everyhting cuz of his secret gambling addition but blame myself for gettin him a job in a bookies. and kind of tempted to go round ???????? advice plz

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    man of pleasure [sign in to see picture]
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    if he is bad news and you know he will never change, do not do it you will only regret it in the future when he is dragging you down again

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    My wife still has pictures of her first boy friend, it doesnt bother me

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    lilley.bubbles [sign in to see picture]
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    man of pleasure wrote:

    if he is bad news and you know he will never change, do not do it you will only regret it in the future when he is dragging you down again

    thsankn you been stong and didnt go.............. go me zxxx

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    Miss-C [sign in to see picture]
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    My OH is still friends with one of his 'ex's', he has no sentimenal texts or emails or anything like that, but they chat alot partciularly on fb and when he's home they meet up for a catch up. It really doesnt bother me because he's open about it, he told me what happened between them and he tells me if they've had a chat or plan to meet up. I've not met her but she sounds kool. the only time that something like this would bother is if he tried to cover it up. To me the fact that someone can be so open about everything says that its over, if they were guarding the past its probably because they're not over it yet and it still hurts. I think you should meet her, put your mind at rest go out with the group of friends and just see how things go. tell your OH how you feel he's open about everything so you be the same. I dont think you have anything to worry about.

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    gymnast_kerry [sign in to see picture]
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    Me and my OH have just moved in together in a block of flats and met one of his 'school firends' in the same block, it turns out shes an ex and it has really bugged me im in the same situation, shes constanly texting him and popping up to our flat for no aparant reason and finding ways to get him to come to her flat.

    Even though shes in the flat with her BF I m getting very annoyed by the way shes acting and the OH is not helping but not telling me how much she is textinghim which stirs it up even more coz hes trying tocover it up.

    Weve tried talking about it but in 'over reacting' and I get upset and he thinks its fine. So I know how you feel :(

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    ShaftMaster [sign in to see picture]
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    Miss-C wrote:

    the only time that something like this would bother is if he tried to cover it up. To me the fact that someone can be so open about everything says that its over, if they were guarding the past its probably because they're not over it yet and it still hurts.

    Have to say I completely agree with this.

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    Jimi Duro [sign in to see picture]
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    I dont believe in keeping in contact with exes, the relationship has ended for a reason, and its not even about sex a friendship ends as well in my opinion keeping in contact with someone who has known you intimately can get messy and possibly even ruin a new relationship.

    I never have and probably never will, but everyone is different !

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    littleminnie [sign in to see picture]
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    ShaftMaster wrote:

    Miss-C wrote:

    the only time that something like this would bother is if he tried to cover it up. To me the fact that someone can be so open about everything says that its over, if they were guarding the past its probably because they're not over it yet and it still hurts.

    Have to say I completely agree with this.

    Hi guys! Sorry that I haven't been on sooner, I've been busy with presentations for work. Just to update you all, we had a good talk and he sees my point which makes me feel a lot better. I know the friendship will not stop but to know he knows that I am unhappy and insecure about it makes me feel better.

    I'm glad i'm not alone in not feeling happy about ex's being in the picture.

    I'm glad he doesn't cover up being in touch with her which makes it a little easier to cope with. He mentions her now and then only as "his ex" which does scare me that he still has feeling for her. I mentioned the never saying how he feels or returning my "love you's" and he didn't really respond. I think I have to accept he is a bloke and they show it more than say it.

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    occhiverdi [sign in to see picture]
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    nice to hear it all went ok. :D I know my OH"s ex gets me down from time to time, I do think its purely due to fearing she wants him back/will interfere in my happy world/i'll get hurt in the long run.

    In the end I know he will always be friends with her even when it does upset me! In my world, I have accepted OH shows it more than he says it and I have to accept that as he will rarely say anything soppy or tell me how he feels (much to my nudging!) but I remind myself that I am in a great relationship with a super guy and being mates with his ex isnt the biggest issue in the world.

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    I cut completely with my ex when I mewt Mrs G, couldnt handle the worries she had about me going back

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    ShaftMaster [sign in to see picture]
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    littleminnie wrote:

    I think I have to accept he is a bloke and they show it more than say it.

    Have to admit that I'm like that. Makes me feel better knowing I'm not the only one.

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