• Sex newbie... Orgasm?

    1336862191
    skunky x [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 8
    • Joined: 7 May 2012

    So, I have long since accepted that women struggle to orgasm, especially through actual sex, so I thought hey, I'll make things easier for my boyfriend by getting a bullet and working out what I like myself so he can do it to me, yay!

    But... I can't even orgasm with a vibe. I've only got a little bullet - figured most women orgasm mainly by clit stimulation so I'd go for that easy. It's just painful. I have tried direct stimulation, indirect, through clothes, in combination with my own fingers, but it just feels nice and then gets really too much and it genuinely feels painful. I've tried to push through it, but I genuinely can't keep going. I reflexively pull my hand away just because it's too much.

    So help? Have I done something wrong? I don't see how because it feels really nice up until a point so it's right, but then it's just really awfully painful.

    Don't even get me started on G-spot stuff. The boyfriend manages to hit it with surprising accuracy and exactly the same happens...

    1336863310
    Haywire [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
    • Posts: 35
    • Joined: 28 Nov 2010

    This sounds really crappy for you.

    Do you use any contraceptives that may affect you?

    I use the contraceptive implant and often find myself unable to orgasm.

    1336863423
    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2237
    • Joined: 8 Nov 2010

    Hello,

    I am wondering if you actually do have an orgasm? Does the feeling of nice increase? I personally find stimuation painful at the moment when I orgasm. My orgasms can hugely wary in strenght. Some are really just nice, but not that good and I just notice because I get sensitive. and others can be bit erhm me loosing control and almost "fainting". But from what I remember about my first orgasms, they were not particularly strong and mostly barely noticable. They just got better over time.

    Another thing is, are you wet? I personally find that vibrators can sometimes make me bit dry. Although this depends on how wet I am in the first place. But I do not use hormonal contraception, so I can go from relatively dry, when I really need lube, or bit too wet at times.

    I am also wondering, what toy did you buy? Is it multispeed or single speed? How strong?

    1336863479
    skunky x [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 8
    • Joined: 7 May 2012

    Haywire wrote:

    This sounds really crappy for you.

    Do you use any contraceptives that may affect you?

    I use the contraceptive implant and often find myself unable to orgasm.

    I am on the pill - I didn't realise it could have such an effect... It is a bit crappy.

    Just want to make him feel like he's doing something right - I do enjoy sex but I can imagine it's really depressing when he can't make me orgasm. I really seem to suffer with the plateau effect. I just get all turned on like when he's going down on me and then it'll just fade away and I won't get any more turned on...

    1336863718
    skunky x [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 8
    • Joined: 7 May 2012

    Laveila wrote:

    Hello,

    I am wondering if you actually do have an orgasm? Does the feeling of nice increase? I personally find stimuation painful at the moment when I orgasm. My orgasms can hugely wary in strenght. Some are really just nice, but not that good and I just notice because I get sensitive. and others can be bit erhm me loosing control and almost "fainting". But from what I remember about my first orgasms, they were not particularly strong and mostly barely noticable. They just got better over time.

    Another thing is, are you wet? I personally find that vibrators can sometimes make me bit dry. Although this depends on how wet I am in the first place. But I do not use hormonal contraception, so I can go from relatively dry, when I really need lube, or bit too wet at times.

    I am also wondering, what toy did you buy? Is it multispeed or single speed? How strong?

    Maybe, it gets more and more but then it suddenly gets painful. I don't get like a feeling of release or finality like I expected I would. Just sort of build and build. Quite frankly, if what I'm experiencing is an orgasm than they have not lived up to the hype.

    Erm, sometimes I am, sometimes not. It depends.

    I just got a cute little non scary bullet. It's only single speed, but I figured that it was on offer for £5 down from £20 (or something) so it must be good. I bought one of the basic three speed vibes before that, but I had to have it on top speed anyway for it to feel good, so I figured one speed wouldn't be too bad...

    1336864292
    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2237
    • Joined: 8 Nov 2010

    I was disappointed with my orgasms too in the beginning. Took me over hour to get there and there was not much satisfaction in it. And I did not get a full release either. It took practise and going on to actually improve it. Now I can get strong ones, I usually fall asleep afterwards.

    My advice would be keep trying. Experiment. Maybe try one of the orgasm boosters LH sells?

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/sex/better-sex-for-her/better-female-orgasms/

    I am using the Bobshell Balm, when I sometimes struggle or just to get there quicker and it works. But these may not work for everyone. Actually one may work for you and another not. It is not as easy as that one works for everyone. I would suggest not to give up if the first does not give you any results and try different one. With LH return policy..

    If you are bit dry and I do find that vibrators can make me bit drier, than I suggest a bit of lube. It can help to prevent any soreness.

    1336864679
    skunky x [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 8
    • Joined: 7 May 2012

    Laveila wrote:

    I was disappointed with my orgasms too in the beginning. Took me over hour to get there and there was not much satisfaction in it. And I did not get a full release either. It took practise and going on to actually improve it. Now I can get strong ones, I usually fall asleep afterwards.

    My advice would be keep trying. Experiment. Maybe try one of the orgasm boosters LH sells?

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/sex/better-sex-for-her/better-female-orgasms/

    I am using the Bobshell Balm, when I sometimes struggle or just to get there quicker and it works. But these may not work for everyone. Actually one may work for you and another not. It is not as easy as that one works for everyone. I would suggest not to give up if the first does not give you any results and try different one. With LH return policy..

    If you are bit dry and I do find that vibrators can make me bit drier, than I suggest a bit of lube. It can help to prevent any soreness.

    It doesn't take too long - but it's just like the most disappointing thing in the world. I will keep trying, but at the moment it's just depressing. I live with a couple of guys and they're always talking about it and then when they turn to me and are like 'Whats it like for a girl?' I'm sat there thinking 'Well. I'd tell you if I knew...'

    At the moment I'm just very conscious of the price - i'm a uni student and so every time I spend money it's like a massive decision. Otherwise I'd probably have got one of LH's new happy rabbits! I never thought of trying the orgasm balms - I always assumed it was all a bit of herbal mumbo jumbo, but if people like it...!

    I never penetrate with it but it might be worth getting some for the sexy fun times anyway! Ahaha, I like tingle and heat lube far too much...!

    1336864890
    rag doll [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 736
    • Joined: 10 Oct 2011

    i found that i never really orgasum from sex and at first my Partner would always ask if i had. i know he still wants to but since i explained how sex can still be enjoyable without climax being the aim he has stoped asking.

    they do improve with practice, the problem is, having a bad experience can mean that you you wont want to try agan and if you do, you natural instinct will be to stop to protect yourself when you expect it.

    how about trying something like one of the vibrating cock rings as they arent too powerfull and are not in constant contact with you. if you have a good experienc with one of them, your instict wont be to shy away from vibrations and you can learn to enjoy them.

    1336865312
    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2237
    • Joined: 8 Nov 2010

    I do like the Bombshell balm to no end. it does work for me and if you look at reviews, I am not the only one. And it is not too expensive. And lasts some time. For a small tin.

    It makes you more aware of your clitoris. Its a bit of cold feeling. It makes the feeling stronger. For me. Worth the try.

    1336865867
    skunky x [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 8
    • Joined: 7 May 2012

    rag doll - I know what you mean - I'm kinda put off now. Cockrings are a no go - boyfriend is very apprehensive about all this sex toy melarky and I don't want to force him until I've got myself sorted out.

    Laveila - I'm reading the reviews now and it does look good. May see what boyfriend thinks and see if he'll get it for me!

    Thank you all for your help!

    1336868199
    Hellkat [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 324
    • Joined: 19 Feb 2012

    I think your putting to much pressure on yourself which is why your not achieving orgasm if that is indeed the case try a nice hot bubble bath dim the lights maybe put some chill out tunes on and just relax

    Then introduce a toy or your hands slowly explore your body, your breasts, nipples then slowly towards clit stimulation

    I find holding the bullet lengthways rather than the tip on my clit works better, not all toys work for every girl you may need to experiment with different ones

    But right now your so desperate to achieve orgasm it probably won't happen unless you can learn to relax

    There is no rush babes take your time and remember relax xxx

    1336879418
    chipilapa [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 20
    • Joined: 17 Apr 2012

    Hi Skunky,

    It's the same for me too - with different partners, I've felt that I'm getting closer to orgasm but as you said, the feeling drifts away.... I've started experimenting with various toys from here, and although they're bloody amazing, I find that I can't use them for that long - the feeling gets too intense and I want it to stop. It's nothing to do with being on the Pill, alas :(

    As Hellkat says, relaxation is important - as is enjoying what you do feel, and the orgasms will turn up eventually....

    1336899968
    skunky x [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 8
    • Joined: 7 May 2012

    Hellkat wrote:

    I think your putting to much pressure on yourself which is why your not achieving orgasm if that is indeed the case try a nice hot bubble bath dim the lights maybe put some chill out tunes on and just relax

    Then introduce a toy or your hands slowly explore your body, your breasts, nipples then slowly towards clit stimulation

    I find holding the bullet lengthways rather than the tip on my clit works better, not all toys work for every girl you may need to experiment with different ones

    But right now your so desperate to achieve orgasm it probably won't happen unless you can learn to relax

    There is no rush babes take your time and remember relax xxx

    Thanks for the tips - I do the lengthways thing instinctively anyway because it's less intense...

    Will try relaxing, but I don't have a bath XD. Yay for being a student! Thanks.

    1336900039
    skunky x [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 8
    • Joined: 7 May 2012

    chipilapa wrote:

    Hi Skunky,

    It's the same for me too - with different partners, I've felt that I'm getting closer to orgasm but as you said, the feeling drifts away.... I've started experimenting with various toys from here, and although they're bloody amazing, I find that I can't use them for that long - the feeling gets too intense and I want it to stop. It's nothing to do with being on the Pill, alas :(

    As Hellkat says, relaxation is important - as is enjoying what you do feel, and the orgasms will turn up eventually....

    Oh good, glad I'm not the only one. Seems like I just need to chill out, but I want to know what this feeling is that everyone is getting and I'm just not. Plus I feel bad for my boyfriend. He must feel totally useless...

    1336900493
    Gym Man [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 57
    • Joined: 20 Feb 2012

    I'm no sexpert but I'd like to suggest something to try if I may?

    When you have plenty of time and you are feeling nice and relaxed get yourself comfortable and start to play either with or without a toy. As the pleasure builds and you know you are approaching the tipping point to pain stop for a minute. Then start the process over again. Try doing this several times before going "over the edge" so to speak.

    It may not work but it's worth a try

    1336900853
    skunky x [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 8
    • Joined: 7 May 2012

    Gym Man wrote:

    I'm no sexpert but I'd like to suggest something to try if I may?

    When you have plenty of time and you are feeling nice and relaxed get yourself comfortable and start to play either with or without a toy. As the pleasure builds and you know you are approaching the tipping point to pain stop for a minute. Then start the process over again. Try doing this several times before going "over the edge" so to speak.

    It may not work but it's worth a try

    Ok, thanks, will try that!

    Post a reply to this thread

    Please sign in to post messages to the forum.