• Cheating???????

    1336754593
    2nd Chance T [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 180
    • Joined: 2 Apr 2012

    I would really love all your valuable opinions on my dilema.

    I have been on the Fabswingers website as I am very bi curious. My partner however does not know. I have tried to talk to him about it but he's really oldfashioned. I have been chatting to a lady on there who feels it's unfair to carry on looking for someone when he dosen't know. She said is it really worth losing your partner over and cheating is cheating regardless whether it's male or female. Of course I know it's cheating but it's something I really want to explore.

    I do love my partner immensely and do not want to hurt him, please help!!!!

    xxxxxxxxxxx

    1336754698
    ShaftMaster [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 467
    • Joined: 17 Dec 2010

    When you say tried to talk to him, do you mean making hints, or actually sitting him down and telling him this is something you feel strongly about??

    1336754829
    2nd Chance T [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 180
    • Joined: 2 Apr 2012

    Well, I asked him how he would feel if i slept with a women and he said he would hate it and that he only ever would want to sleep with me and certainly not share.

    1336755409
    mrsarthur [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 53
    • Joined: 9 May 2012

    lol my hubby would be pushing out the door following to watch quicker than lightening, i personally wouldnt see it as cheating its different i would imagine as i havent tried it but from what ive heard its all about a woman knows what another woman wants for my friends who have :) sorry that wasnt very helpfull

    1336755431
    ShaftMaster [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 467
    • Joined: 17 Dec 2010

    Hmmm, would it be worth explaining to him how much it is something more than just curiosity? Or would just that spoil things?

    Maybe offer something that he would enjoy (not necesarily sexual) to show how much you would appreciate it?

    I can only say that you are indeed in a tough spot, but if it is any consolation, your situation makes me realise how lucky I am to have a gf who is open minded (sorry if it isn't).

    1336757243
    MissBoo [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 146
    • Joined: 22 Mar 2012

    Have you though abou maybe having your husband join in?

    That's the only way I'd like to explore that side of me and my husband is very open to it (not surprisingly lol)

    x

    1336757390
    thumpingrug [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 57
    • Joined: 7 May 2012

    Any good relationship has to be based on mutual trust, understanding and ultimately communication. Its not that act of sleeping with someone else, male or female, that is the cheating, its doing it behind his back.

    I can understand how strong this desire of your is, but you need to consider the impact on your relationship. If you carefully think about this and decide to go ahead anyway, then at least you are doing so with the full understanding of the consequences.

    I really do hope you can work this out, but I suspect that you have some issues with your relationship to work through if you are not able to discuss how you are feeling with your OH openly and fully.


    1336757617
    ShaftMaster [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 467
    • Joined: 17 Dec 2010

    thumpingrug wrote:

    Any good relationship has to be based on mutual trust, understanding and ultimately communication. Its not that act of sleeping with someone else, male or female, that is the cheating, its doing it behind his back.

    Have to agree with this, hence the asking about talking to him. Either he will agree to it, or not, but I would not advise you to just go ahead and do it.

    1336758360
    tallgal [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 23
    • Joined: 9 May 2012

    Hi fellow fabswinger...

    If he is adamant that he really would not be interested in exploring this with you, You need to decide whats most important to you, your relationship or exploring your bi-curiosity. Keep talking to him about it, you never know, he might come to like the idea of you exploring this side of yourself with him there.

    The ethos of swinging is one of openness and honesty between partners, so personally i would avoid doing anything behind his back. It is not the act that is cheating, but the dishonesty and secrecy.

    1336762003
    Catnip [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 182
    • Joined: 11 Sep 2010

    You've got to put yourself in his shoes! If he wanted to explore his Bi-curiousness and you were dead against it, would you be happy if he did it behind your back!! Its just a thought!! x

    1336762304
    sweetlove666 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1941
    • Joined: 17 Nov 2008

    doing it and breaking his trust would be cheating in my opinion. no matter how much you feel you want and need it now you will feel guilty and bad if you go through with it because you love him.

    just remember temptation is a human thing and so is curiosity, there's nothing wrong with feeling this way.

    it is something you are going to have to sit down and talk to him about really honestly if you whish to proceed

    1336762491
    OperationFilth [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 540
    • Joined: 12 Oct 2008

    I agree that cheating is cheating regardless of gender. Honestly, I think you have to weigh up what's more important to you at this time, if he is firm in his stance.

    Remember though, that this may not be a forever-situation - at one time my partner and I were non-kinky and monogamous... that's certainly not the case now. I'd say make sure he understands where you're coming from and equally that he knows you appreciate his honesty and his stance on it... And try to keep lines of communication open as that might facilitate a change in boundaries in the future if he was to change his mind.

    All in all, good luck x

    1336763624

    [suspended user]

    suspended user
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 3036
    • Joined: 16 Feb 2012

    2nd Chance T wrote:

    Of course I know it's cheating but it's something I really want to explore.

    I do love my partner immensely and do not want to hurt him, please help!!!!

    xxxxxxxxxxx

    If you want to cheat then cheat but dont ask your partner to condone or accept it. There is only one thing worse for a man for his partner to cheat with another man and that is with another woman, he cannot punch the other womans lights out as he could with a male.

    1336765923
    Blueeyes82 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1490
    • Joined: 19 Sep 2010

    ShaftMaster wrote:

    thumpingrug wrote:

    Any good relationship has to be based on mutual trust, understanding and ultimately communication. Its not that act of sleeping with someone else, male or female, that is the cheating, its doing it behind his back.

    Have to agree with this, hence the asking about talking to him. Either he will agree to it, or not, but I would not advise you to just go ahead and do it.

    ^^^ this

    Is testing out a 'want' to follow a curiosity, really worth ruining your marriage over? He's already said no and I highly doubt he will change his mind right this second. But given time, if you explore things such as lesbian porn or ffm porn, he may gradually lean towards a 3sum with you and a lady.

    But if I found out my partner was on a swinging website, when I had explicity said NO, then I would be fuming. It would be hard for him to believe that you haven't already done something.

    So what's important, you sleeping with a stranger or your husband?

    Plain and simple really

    1336767225
    occhiverdi [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 717
    • Joined: 9 Aug 2010

    Blueeyes82 wrote:

    ShaftMaster wrote:

    thumpingrug wrote:

    Any good relationship has to be based on mutual trust, understanding and ultimately communication. Its not that act of sleeping with someone else, male or female, that is the cheating, its doing it behind his back.

    Have to agree with this, hence the asking about talking to him. Either he will agree to it, or not, but I would not advise you to just go ahead and do it.

    ^^^ this

    Is testing out a 'want' to follow a curiosity, really worth ruining your marriage over? He's already said no and I highly doubt he will change his mind right this second. But given time, if you explore things such as lesbian porn or ffm porn, he may gradually lean towards a 3sum with you and a lady.

    But if I found out my partner was on a swinging website, when I had explicity said NO, then I would be fuming. It would be hard for him to believe that you haven't already done something.

    So what's important, you sleeping with a stranger or your husband?

    Plain and simple really

    Totally agree, as someone who has used fabs for fun you have to think if this is what you really want. Is the curiosity worth the hurt it could lead to. Has he no interested in joining in?

    To be honest if I told my OH that i was curious and he wasn't interested or happy about it I would personally not investigate it but then on the other hand, I would wonder why I was suddenly curious about it. I did all my investigating as a single gal although I enjoyed it, its not something I wanted to continue.

    For the record, we've swung on fabs, played with girls and guys and only agreed to do it as we were both in agreement. I did find out when we were casual (not 100% commited) in the first 6 months of so he joined another site to play solo and it's a feeling I never want to experience again..

    We still swing but its less frequent now and take more time to explore and experiment with each other.

    1336830984
    occhiverdi [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 717
    • Joined: 9 Aug 2010

    Another thought? On reflection, there is no harm in having an account to simply look and see whats out there.

    do you think that unbelievable that some people have profiles on Fabs and similar to simply look at what is out there (as the pictures are not that innocent) or do you think they use it purely for meeting people?

    1336834931
    chickylicky [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 45
    • Joined: 17 Jan 2011

    I have cheated on my husband and its not something I'm proud of or would recommend. In my case we had an unhappy marriage and no sex life (although I'm not using this as an excuse). As some of the others have said talk to your partner and maybe try and get him involved? Also you need to decide whether experimenting means more to you than the chance of losing your partner. Having said that it also depends on you and your partners definition of cheating. Hope this helps. Sorry if I come across as a bit blunt, I don't mean to be. xo

    1336836959
    occhiverdi [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 717
    • Joined: 9 Aug 2010

    I see where you're coming from Chickylicky. I've been hurt due to someone being unfaithful and its a feeling and a reaction that I don't want to go through again.

    You may find talking to him may make him more open to the idea as he may be unsure of how you are feeling 100%. Curious and reality are two different things.

    1336839004
    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2177
    • Joined: 8 Nov 2010

    I agree that going with someone else to bed is only cheating if you do not have your partner permission. So if your partner says he is ok with you taking a woman to your bed, than its not cheating.

    I have admitted to my partner that I am bit into trying a girl, it was my fantasy. In the beginning, he was not too agreeable. Funnily, now I have the permission - only a woman, not a man - to take one into my bed and I did not do it yet. But it would not be a cheating, as he agreed I can try it with another woman, he would not share me with a guy, but with another woman yes.

    How I did this? It took time, just talking about fantasies, involving the other woman. Then we watched some porn together and over time, he started to warm to the idea. Although the permission did surprise me, I admit.

    1336841318
    occhiverdi [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 717
    • Joined: 9 Aug 2010

    Sometimes the fantasy is enough.

    I know when I was on fabs we would look for woman (near impossible to find out) so I kind of gave up on having a girl come play with us!

    Post a reply to this thread

    Please sign in to post messages to the forum.