• is this a good idea? advice needed

    1336679955
    mrsarthur [sign in to see picture]
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    just looking for advice when hubby and i had been togeather for around a year i caught him having ''him'' time, i was so angry and upset. Bearing in mind i was 16 at the time and we had a 3 month old baby who had been 6 weeks early so a lot of strain. Any way he said that he was bored of our sex life and that him having a wank was a total diff feeling to sex, so we had a chat about what he would like to make sex better he said sexy underware ect...... i know he does still have him time but i wish he wouldnt lie about it ive gotten over the whole jelousy of it in my growing years. So the last year ive been having the same thoughts on our sex life always at night time always in bed on my side of the bed ect.......but allthough we can talk about sex we cat seem to have an indepth coversation as to what exactly we would like or have always wanted to try so i wonderd if it would be worth getting like some kind of book that we can then each write down what ideas we have and let the other mull it over in private if needs be?is this a good idea or a bit pathetic 11 years into our marriage?

    sorry that turned out to be so long

    1336680181

    [suspended user]

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    try to ring the changes yourself, try flirting during the day like when you first met

    1336680352
    Catnip [sign in to see picture]
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    I think anything that means you are more open with each other can only be a good idea!!

    1336680441
    MissBoo [sign in to see picture]
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    I don't think it's pathetic :)

    Do what needs to be done to help you communicate. Sometimes people can be a little embarrassed actually saying what they like cause they're worried about the reaction they'll get, so it might be easier to write it down.

    My husband and I have only recently started talking about the more "extreme" side of our sexualities, and now nothing I tell him shocks him!

    Maybe look through some underwear and toys on here together and you can both point out what you like.

    If it works for you, then go with it :)

    1336680534
    Blueeyes82 [sign in to see picture]
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    I will fully recommend this tracey cox book;

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=1272

    it's got anything and everything in there, it's literally like a bible! The photos/pictures are very erotic too and I found they helped my fella 'liven up' at times ;)

    Bonus too, because you spend over £2, you get a free tracey cox cock ring;

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=18919

    1336684437
    Hellkat [sign in to see picture]
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    Being open and honest about your wants and needs is an important part of having a great sex life, anything that helps you achieve this is a great idea xxx

    1336688616
    kendo [sign in to see picture]
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    Communication is important.

    Couples who don't talk end up in trouble.

    Maybe a bit extreme, but the more you talk the easier it gets.

    1336689086
    healerwhore [sign in to see picture]
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    Anything that helps you communicate is brilliant. Doesn't matter how long two people have been together, comunication can always be difficult, for a million different reasons, but the biggest is usually because of how much you care, and don't want to upset/scare/hurt/cause an arguement etc. Masturbation is very helpful for both of you guys too, i'd always try and tell a girl not to get offended if they see their guy masturbating. Same to guys about a girl's toys really. If you do the book thing, try and talk about what you've written ( if you feel you can! ) but don't pressure each other into things and try not to be too shy about how you feel towards each other too. You're in this for the long haul, and reassurance about your feelings towards each other will always be a good thing :-)

    1336689354
    J+J [sign in to see picture]
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    Honesty is best for both. If it's easier to write anything down, then do so. As long as you are both comfortable. Maybe masturbating with each other could help? Just try things to make it easier for both of you to get what you want

    1336689510
    Abots [sign in to see picture]
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    Blueeyes82 wrote:

    I will fully recommend this tracey cox book;

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=1272

    it's got anything and everything in there, it's literally like a bible! The photos/pictures are very erotic too and I found they helped my fella 'liven up' at times ;)

    Bonus too, because you spend over £2, you get a free tracey cox cock ring;

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=18919

    To get the cock ring you need to like Lovehoney on facebook - http://www.facebook.com/LoveHoney :)

    I would definitely reccomend that book though and just say that communication is key!

    1336690118
    elfen10 [sign in to see picture]
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    Communication IS key, but sometimes a little mutual masturbation can actually be fun!

    Me n my fella are together a lot, and sometimes we may not want sex, so we will have a fiddle just to calm it down.

    I would say though ,that you do need to talk to him (and him to you) about your needs and wants and expectations and vice versa (we do this A LOT, and we know were are both very similarly matched sexually, but for all people its different)

    1336693360
    mrsarthur [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks for all your replys, we are and are not sexually matched totally due to my high sex drive and his not high but when we do have sex its amazing, I wrote some questions down like a kind of survey lol and i answerd them 1st and then he did then we had a chat about it , there were a few things he said he wasnt comfertable talking about totally respect that and maybe at a later date he will be able to discuss these but its a start :) happy wifey heading to bed night all :)

    1336700521
    Hellkat [sign in to see picture]
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    Fingers crossed everything keeps getting better and better between the two of you xxx have fun ;-) xxx

    1336733811
    Blueeyes82 [sign in to see picture]
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    Abots wrote:

    Blueeyes82 wrote:

    I will fully recommend this tracey cox book;

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=1272

    it's got anything and everything in there, it's literally like a bible! The photos/pictures are very erotic too and I found they helped my fella 'liven up' at times ;)

    Bonus too, because you spend over £2, you get a free tracey cox cock ring;

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=18919

    To get the cock ring you need to like Lovehoney on facebook - http://www.facebook.com/LoveHoney :)

    I would definitely reccomend that book though and just say that communication is key!

    No you don't, not at the time, you just needed to spend £2 on a tracey cox product to get the ring free ;)

    1336746626
    mrsarthur [sign in to see picture]
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    thanks for every ones replys i will defo get that book ;p after our little chat last night i decided today to write him a letter detailing the things that i like that he does to me ( make him feel macho lol) and also the things i would like him to do i just re read it through geese i didnt know i could be so ''bad girl'' lol slighty wondering if he will manage to make it to the end of the letter without hunting me out and seeing to a few of the ideas and hope i have opend the door for him to be able to either discuss his thought or even write them down :)

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