• Help with partner

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    gooqq [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm after some advice, i've been with my partner for 12 years and in all this time she has never masturbated, never watched porn, never used toys, doesn't give oral and only likes cum inside her. She will have bits of anal here and there but it's less than one hands worth a year.

    She loves me playing with her, giving her oral etc.

    I want to try and open her eyes to the possibilities of masturbation and toys especially, I mean it's not a big deal but I do get envious reading the stories of people's sex lives on this board.

    I love toys, anal beads, prostate stimulator, cock rings, want to try a pump etc etc, and feel she is missing out. She also doesn't really care about her personal appearance either, no makeup, sexy lingerie, sexy clothing etc.

    Sorry, this is probably a stupid post..any advice?

    1331856406
    divoshqa [sign in to see picture]
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    And so big question... how would you describe your sexual life right now? Enjoyment, routine or perhaps 'get done with'?

    I find it a bit selfish from woman's side that she does not think that male mind fantasies all the time. They need an inspiration for sex as well as women do. Perhaps, you could walk by the shops(by that I mean Ann Summers. La Senza) look at the window display and say: Wow, you would look brilliant in this! Let me buy it and see how it fits on you!

    Women love compliments and especially about looks. Or I have just bought a book 'Ultimate Erotic Massage'. Me and my partner are together for 8 years and his loss of sexual appetite is not in my favour :( Relationships are a daily fight and it works best when you have 2 complete opposite types of people in the relationships rather than being matched in all aspects of life. My opinion though.

    The book provides instructions about how to reveal sensual connections for enhancing sexual pleasure and now wait for it - it could be a fantastic step to introduce some toys. Although, having said that I think that it should be agreed between you and you partner beforehand but it should not be used for the goal of reaching an orgasm, rather finding the stimulation points.

    I cant wait for Saturday as I am gonna practice it. So let us know what worked so we can feel the sexual happiness from both of ya ;)

    Vlastey Pastey :)

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    Honeytongue [sign in to see picture]
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    It might be worth taking her shopping and getting her to be measured and fitted for a bra. Buy the matching panties too. Great underwear that fits properly makes everything else look better too. If you can get her to be a bit more interested in herself, she will probably become more open to other things.

    1331857800
    AliMc [sign in to see picture]
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    Have you tried casually browsing toys online together? Maybe something will catch her eye.

    You could start by asking her to pick something out for you to try, like a fleshlight or something, just to raise her interest in toys in general without the pressure of having to use it herself. Maybe when she gets comfortable doing that for you then you could ask her to find a couples toy that you can both use together, and ease her into eventually choosing something for herself.

    Or if it's a matter of a lack of confidence and self-esteem issues then maybe if you were to wear a blindfold and let her do whatever she likes to you without worrying about what she looks like, it might make her feel more comfortable. Although, it might be better if you were to blindfold her first so she has an idea of what kind of things she can do to you.

    I don't know if you have tried any of these suggestions or if they would even work!

    1331887392
    Noon [sign in to see picture]
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    First off, do not be distracted or envious of the sex lives described on here. Every relationship is compromise and sexual chemistry is a dark art! :)

    Women without makeup are beautiful, the unaltered human form is a wonerful thing. Did your other half stop wearing the things you college on, or has she always been relaxed about her appearance?

    As for anal and bjs, not everyone likes everything :) What dies she say when you talk about different sex acts?

    Good luck and keep us posted.

    1331888327
    Blueeyes82 [sign in to see picture]
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    Try erotica, if she's into reading, erotica maybe a good start, wanton women from excite, are good starter books.

    Try her with a bullet, use it on her clit, it's a fab starter toy.

    But she needs to get over herself and stop being lazy and start letting you enjoy some things.

    1331889337
    Noon [sign in to see picture]
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    Blueeyes82 wrote:

    But she needs to get over herself and stop being lazy and start letting you enjoy some things.

    I am not sure Lovehoney is the place to be judging people who are not represeted here?

    1331891281
    gooqq [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks for all the advice so far, i'll definitely talk through some of it with her and take her shopping over the weekend and see what happens.

    The sex is good, its definitely pleasurable, but there's no variety there if that makes sense.

    Noon: She's always been very relaxed, and pretty non-committal regarding sex acts. She likes sex, but doesn't like talking about anything to do with it.

    Blueyes: I have a RO bullet that came with one of my toys, is this a good place to start (seeing how I already have one?). And as i've never used toys on a female before, any tips? (Now I feel like a virgin again!)

    Thanks for the posts so far.

    1331892660
    Blueeyes82 [sign in to see picture]
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    yup RO bullet is a fab starter! If she's not tigglish, then start by running it over her boobs, around the nipples, down the tummy, insides of her thighs, then finally her clit, don't put pressure on it, just let it gently rest on her clit. Change positions from it being on the side to the point but remember that it can get pretty sensitive down there.

    Might be good to swap between you feasting on her down there and switching between your tongue and the bullet.

    1331894304
    S&M sexy times [sign in to see picture]
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    This sounds a bit like my oh, she has always been very casual about her appearence (although she does make more of an effort now if we have a sexy night in or go out anywhere nice.), take her to a nice lingerie shop if not not try browsing together on her in the lingerie section only & just compliment her on how wonderful & beautiful she would look in some of the pretty lingerie that is sold here, that is if she doesn't feel up to shopping for lingerie.

    Take care both of you & have a great day.

    1331894613
    Miss teach&nurse [sign in to see picture]
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    gooqq wrote:

    I'm after some advice, i've been with my partner for 12 years and in all this time she has never masturbated, never watched porn, never used toys, doesn't give oral and only likes cum inside her. She will have bits of anal here and there but it's less than one hands worth a year.

    She loves me playing with her, giving her oral etc.

    I want to try and open her eyes to the possibilities of masturbation and toys especially, I mean it's not a big deal but I do get envious reading the stories of people's sex lives on this board.

    I love toys, anal beads, prostate stimulator, cock rings, want to try a pump etc etc, and feel she is missing out. She also doesn't really care about her personal appearance either, no makeup, sexy lingerie, sexy clothing etc.

    Sorry, this is probably a stupid post..any advice?

    First off my preference is when my partner comes inside me - i love feeling him throb and his hot cum fill me. Maybe she prefers this thought that u just cumming over her body?

    Her appearence maybe down to her mood - 70% of the time i cant be bothered with make up, which is good for me as my make up tends to last me ages. Foundation can last me up to a year. Sometimes i like to put make up on other times i just like having my own skin on show. Is this a new craving that you desire to see her in make up? and how come? Maybe a trip into debenhams make up counters would be a good idea? Benefit is fab for not making you look over done but giving you a nice touch of make up.

    As for sexy clothing - has she recently gained or lost weight? Women (all women) suffer insecurites and go through times when they pick fault with themselves, she might need some reassurance that you still find her sexy, attractive and appealing to you. Do you make her feel sexy? Do you compliment her? Do you tell her that she is beautiful?

    Toys and masturbation might not be a big thing to you but they seem to be a bog thing to her. I personally don't use my fingers when I masturbate, I hate the feeling. She might have tried when younger and had the same feelings on this? It took me a while to find toys that i liked and was interested in. I would suggest like the others have said taking her to Ann Summers , I love Lh but it might be worth a first visit to Ann Summers and gauge her reaction, also be silly and make her feel at ease in the shop. Be aware she might want you to disappear to let her look herself.

    You shouldn't be jealous of other people's sex lives - everyone is different and everyone experiences times when things aren't all hunky dory in the bedroom department.

    Sorry for my long winded post but just wanted to cover all bases! I know it seems like i'm putting all the onus on you however I often look to my partner to lift my confidence.

    xxx

    1331894900
    Blueeyes82 [sign in to see picture]
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    'the grass is always greener' but not better ;)

    1331895338

    [suspended user]

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    Many of the things said at the start could apply to my OH but what she does she does well you cannot make a woman like what you want her to like. Ours is a relationship and you take the whole shooting match not just the bits you want. I would love my wife to be completely slutty but she isnt slutty she is a very classy finance professional in a university, she doesnt do "slut" in or out of the bedroom, I just live with it.

    1331896935
    gooqq [sign in to see picture]
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    Oh, I'm not unhappy with her, I hope I definitely didn't give that impression.

    She just doesn't do make-up, that's not a new thing and it's not some massive desire I have, sometimes when you get to thinking though that and the "dress-down" approach raises some questions. I don't necessarily mind it, but it would be nice for a bit of an effort when we go out etc. I couldn't care less what she wears aroun the house, shopping etc.

    I compliment her most all the time, I try to make her feel like a million bucks, if she's not happy i'm not happy and it's one of the strong foundations I live on. It's also a good point about toys and lingerie, I think just taking her out to the shops initally might be too strong, so i'm planning to leave some browser windows open for her to look at in her own space at first.

    I think also a strong, healthy relationship does provoke questions and thoughts at times. I love her very much and wouldn't swap her for the world, so it's not necessarily "grass is greener" because that's not an option for me, but working though a couple of issues would definitely be nice and why I posted on this board, because gaining information and knowledge from other people, especially on such a subject, is fantastic and I appreciate all your taking the time to do so very much.

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