• I dont enjoy sex

    DLTAG [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 5
    • Joined: 19 Jan 2012

    OK i'm very new here and pretty new to the site too so please be nice.

    I've been searching the net for an answer to my question which is "why dont i enjoy penetration". I know this is prob the wrong site to be on but everyone on here seems to get so much enjoyment and fun out of sex, so why not me.

    I've tried everything i can think of that will make me enjoy it but i just dont. Does anyone have any advice for me or can point me in the direction of change?

    Rowan [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 719
    • Joined: 14 Jan 2009

    Welcome DLTAG

    Are you not enjoying penetration or are you actively DISliking it is the first question. Please don't feel self conscious as there are a number of people on here who actually don't get physical pleasure from penetration but enjoy other things sexually and do enjoy the intimacy or just pleasing a partner.

    Do you mind telling us what you've tried to help so that we can try to come up with some suggestions that haven't been done. Do you struggle physically with anything like tensing beforehand because you have never enjoyed it, or for example lubrication as PIV is not an erotic thought for you.

    Most importanty, if you don't already do so, include in your definition of 'sex' oral sex, manual, and solo as sex is about much more than a key-in-lock system!


    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
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    • Joined: 8 Nov 2010


    and welcome. I would agree with Rowan said, because it is true that some people dont enjoy penertation so much. But do you like other forms of sex and also closeness to the partner? If you do, then it would depend on the 2 of you on how to approach this and how can make sex enjoyable for you.

    But I am wondering, is there any specific reason why you dont enjoy it? Is it painful? This can be because of several reasons, including some physical issues, dryness (can be helped by using lube) or you tensing. Or is it because you just do not enjoy it? And it gives you little pleasure? In this case you can try to add some stimulation to the penertation, either being it fingering, or a sex toy such as vibrating cock ring or small bullet to stimulate you.

    In both cases you can also try to focus on alternative if you like them more, but you would have to talk about this to your partner.

    The third option which came to me is some sort of psychical block be it either against sex (please dont take offence, some bad experience in the past can do that or also the way people round us view sex, it does not mean anything is wrong with you) or some really bad experience from the past. In this case it could be helpful to see a professional.

    But for what ever reason, even if you are just not really that much into sex at all, it does not mean there is anything wrong with you, everyone is different. I would only say it is best to know why this happened and be able to communicate this to your partner.

    Good luck.

    Dee_licious333 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
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    • Joined: 16 Feb 2011

    HI DLTAG, welcome.

    I can see why it might be a worry for you but there are some people who do not enjoy the penetrative side of sex. Do you ever masturbate? Have you always felt this way? do you enjoy foreplay?

    There are lots of things that you can find enjoyable without the penetrative sex. Sounds like you have done some research too , so did you find anything that might explain why you feel this way?

    I agree with the above posts, that its not just about penetration, not everyone likes it .. so find other things that you like and enjoy but if it still bothers you .. yes seek professional advice. Good luck also

    DLTAG [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 5
    • Joined: 19 Jan 2012

    Thank you all for your advice x

    We both really love oral and always have but when it comes to penetration he could spend half an hour rubbing my arm and i would get the same amount of pleasure. I love how it makes me feel close to him and how he enjoys it. Me and my hubby have been together 7 years now an he was my first and only to i'm 100% comfertable with him now and he does now know about this problem after telling him last week.

    I dont really masturbate but thats a whole other problem which i too and trying to work on and overcome. Sex can be sometimes painful at first since having my 2 children it took a bit of battering down there but it stops when we get into it.

    smirnoff09 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 630
    • Joined: 22 Apr 2010

    Hi DL

    Welcome to love honey x

    I never use to enjoy sex but this was due to issues from a past relationship. It took me time to relax and enjoy any form of sexual activity.

    For number of years sex was jsut not on my radar, had no feelings that were remotly sexual but in time this changed I guess it was a process of building my self esteem, confidence and self worth.

    I can't say i went ffrom not wantign sex to loving every moment of it but I started slowly. Talking to friends about their experinces both good and bad.

    I had a crazy moment and bought a bullet and worked up the courage to play and discover what I felt comfortable with all the time working out the things i enjoyed.

    I am now in a positive and loving relationship, sex is so different for me it is something I can enjoy even take a lead in and share the things I want to do or have done to me.

    The big change for me was the ability to talk about how I felt not just in the bedroom but out of it to.

    I would suggesst not haivng sex for a while, kiss, touch each other, talk to each other just relax and learn about each other again, then when you feel comfortable move on to penertration. This is what worked for me andI have never looked back since.

    I wish you all the best hun xx

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