Gender switch in fantasies

 Hi there,

Something I've noticed about my fantasies from a very young age is that I am very rarely a woman in them. In fact, I tend to mentally take the role of a very dominant man. This isn't something that concerns me as I am very confident within my sexuality in real life (I am bi-curious and exceptionally female, and enjoy being sp) but is something I'm interested in, I guess in a slight psychological perspective..

In real life I am a very passive, 'doormat-ish' type of person. Quiet in company I don't know, eager to please, dislike arguments that are for the sake of arguments, generally dislike needless confrontation. I wonder if becoming something I am absolutely not (a dominant, controlling, aggressive male) particularly turns me on because it's so far from who I am. 

During sex dominance continues to turn me on; being in control of my partner and dictating play. Although I also like being a reasonably unobedient (so I am punished) submissive type. 

I just wondered how other people's fantasies related to their actual characters, and whether anybody else regularly fantasises about being a different gender during masturbation?

"During sex dominance continues to turn me on; being in control of my partner and dictating play. Although I also like being a reasonably unobedient (so I am punished) submissive type. "

Hehe. It's funny you should say this as in pro-domination we call this 'topping from the bottom', meaning the sub is controlling play by virtue of their disobedience, assuring the dominant is particularly punishing. In the professional realm it isn't considered to be true submissive behaviour, but frankly I think that's a load of horse doodles.

I'd defo suggest giving power stuggling a go. My personal favourite is wrestling. You might think a man would have the edge, generally being bigger and stronger, but you'd be amazed at how important flexibility is when it comes to wriggling out of holds and creating an effective pin. You really get a good workout, it's fun, it gets endorphins pumping and it totally changes the bedroom dynamic.

My fantasies tend to revolve around the forbidden, things I would never do even when given the chance. Ho hum!

Wow! Great suggestion there Hella!

I "top from the bottom" in my play too. Didn't really know that it was considered as a term. I suppose if you are pro-domination then you would probably not like being made to punish but should be up to you when to punish. As for the proffesionals, well, sods to them! Lol!

Power struggling (another thing I didn't really know there was a term for) is something me and my partner do on a regular basis! We wrestle and he locks me in holds and I try to get out of them. I've always liked that since I became sexually active, having lots of male friends meant a lot of horse-play went on, but later I discovered that I was particularly enjoying it. :-/

Holds, locks and pins are great to try and calculate how to get out of them. Arm locks and such and knowing where pressure points are is simple if you want to reverse the tables, and size and strength has nothing to do with the ability to lock your partner.

What Hella said above about it being a good workout, fun and pumping endorphins is really true!

Unfortunately for me, my man knows every trick in the book to prevent me from getting out of his holds! But it is fun to be literally helpless and vulnerable! Just annoying when I really do want to get out of it! Lol!

As for thinking about being male, I have sometimes let my mind drift in my fantasies and I am the one who is pumping away. But that thought is becoming rarer these days. Maybe I am becoming a woman! Lol!

I used to have a bit of an identity problem when I was a child, and I was convinced that I should have been born a boy, but after puberty hit that idea kinda crash landed. Maybe my occassional thoughts of being the male stem from those misunderstood thoughts as a child?

Sexual psychology is so very strange and complicated but at the same time, ever so intruiging!

Fantasising about being the opposite gender isn't something that I've ever done, I don't think. I like being female in sexual situations too much, I guess -- and I am quite male-brained (I'm a very analytical, head over heart kind of person), despite being a great lover of frills and other feminine fripperies. However, it's one of my partner's favourite things to do. He is into feminisation and cross-dressing, though, so he's probably a different case. He totally tops from the bottom as well, it's something I've pointed out to him on numerous occasions.

I tend to be a bit of control freak in day to day life, and I lean more towards submission in fantasies, and the bedroom ('though I absolutely love domming when I'm in the right mood). I think it's fairly standard for people to use their sex lives as an escape from who they usually are.

Lovehoney - Hella wrote:

My fantasies tend to revolve around the forbidden, things I would never do even when given the chance. Ho hum!

Yay, somebody else It used to freak me out a bit when I was first discovering my sexuality, haha. I think I just have a bit of a fetish for the taboo, and an overly adventurous brain. Oh, and the right dose of fear gets me off something crazy.

I Do think sometimes I am girly and more into cuddles then sex! But I would like a missus to be very domintion with her feet! 

Lovehoney - Hella wrote:

"During sex dominance continues to turn me on; being in control of my partner and dictating play. Although I also like being a reasonably unobedient (so I am punished) submissive type. "

Hehe. It's funny you should say this as in pro-domination we call this 'topping from the bottom', meaning the sub is controlling play by virtue of their disobedience, assuring the dominant is particularly punishing. In the professional realm it isn't considered to be true submissive behaviour, but frankly I think that's a load of horse doodles.

I'd defo suggest giving power stuggling a go. My personal favourite is wrestling. You might think a man would have the edge, generally being bigger and stronger, but you'd be amazed at how important flexibility is when it comes to wriggling out of holds and creating an effective pin. You really get a good workout, it's fun, it gets endorphins pumping and it totally changes the bedroom dynamic.

My fantasies tend to revolve around the forbidden, things I would never do even when given the chance. Ho hum!

Thanks for all the information Hella, I found that really interesting to read through! I'd absolutely love to give power struggling a go, it sounds like something I would really enjoy. I love activity and motion and play - I like to have fun! My boyfriend is a foot taller than me and several stone heavier - I'm quite excited thinking about it!

My male led fantasies are also generally taboo subjects. I enjoy the forbidden for mental stimulation, but similarly wouldn't ever personally do!