Can't make my girlfriend orgasm?

Hi all,

I was wondering if any of you could help -  I just can't get my girlfriend to climax. She's never climaxed before, but she does enjoy masturbation and sex. We've tried quite a few positions and got close once, but still nothing.

Any tips? They'd be so appreciated! Thanks!

she could show you how she masturbates by taking your hand and position your hand when she wants it and then gradually build up the intensity at the same time kissing/nibbling her neck or if oral nibbling and fingering at the same time as rubbing her clit, or/and maybe talking dirty at the same time. It works for me but everyone is different.

 I almost never orgasm with my partner. And when I do orgasm, its a different type of orgasm to a clitoral/vaginal one. It feels almost like our bodies are one, even if he isn't inside me, and when he orgasms or comes close, I get what he calls a sympathy orgasm. It's not as strong as other orgasms, but it feels more rewarding and we feel so closely bonded that way. I also orgasm through touching/kissing etc on parts of my body. My neck and shoulders in particular. It sends shivers down my spine and if he does it long enough I will have quite a thrashing O!

But orgasms are not at all everything. If you are both enjoying it then why should an orgasm be so important? Yes, I understand you want to make her happy by having her cum, but chances are, she is already enjoying it without coming. 

Not every woman is able to orgasm through sex. I find I can only acheive a clitoral orgasm by myself. No one else has been able to. Vaginal stimulation doesn't do much for me but I can stimulate the g spot, but again, I can only acheive orgasm by myself.

However, that doesn't mean that you can't enjoy an orgasm together. I have recently found mutual masterbation to be a wonderful thing! Touching yourselves together and working a pace and slowing eachother down or urging eachother on so you are able to orgasm together is quite fun and really sexy!

Good luck. x

Hello,

I am one of the women who had real issue coming and I never came from just penetration alone. And at times I just cannot orgasm still or it takes me forever. I am not on contraception so I guess the natural circle plays a role in it as well as how tired I am at times. There are few things you can try.

1 stop worrying about her not having orgasm. When my partner wants to make me cum, I get a sort of block in me and its even much harder. Just let it be and see if it happens.

2 try clitoral stimulation. Either oral when she is really turned on, as this does work on me, but I can sometimes take some time. Or use vibe. Some women do need stronger stimulation, but how strong I need does also relate to my hormonal phase, as I can go from not so sensitive to far more sensitive.

3 when penetrating her, you can either finger her, or choose position so your penis is rubbing her clitoris, or use a small vibe. Maybe one of the bullets. To stimulate her clit.

4 there are some orgasm boosters which can make orgasms more achievable or stronger or both. I sometimes do use them when I cannot orgasm for long and it does honestly help a lot. But they dont work for everyone, but could be worth the try.

5 you can try stimulating her G spot, by either fingers or toy, but G spot orgasms are not what majority of women gets, so this is bit tricky.

It can take time for a women to orgasm, but I read it on the forum, that once female members came for the first time, it was much easier. Just take your time, explore her body, and find out what really turns her on and see where it takes you. And believe me, that its likely she is already enjoying it without the orgasms.

i advise you to take all the time in the world try everything with gentle treatment ,caressing her like she's youre favorite person on the planet tell her you love her that allways helps ,tell her she's the most sexiest female you've evr been with and you don't want anyone else ,allways tease her body parts with soft touches sometimes rough and continuall treatment is a turn off ,suck,kiss tickle every part you can ask her what really turns her on

My gf sometimes has a hard time climaxing. She has never had an orgasm from pentraiton alone, but she loves oral and comes pretty much every time, although sometimes it can take half an hour by which point my jaw is on fire!! Some things we find works well:

1.  Let her be in charge. Let her blindfold you, tie you up, or whatever she wants. I find that this gives her the confidence to do the things that SHE wants to do because they feel good for HER, not just me or both of us. Feeling confident and comfortable can really help her relax and just enjoy it.

2.  Tease. To get my OH in the mood we will regularly tease each other during the day, so that by the time we do have sex she is gagging for it and seems to orgasm a lot easy.

3. Reading. My OH loves to read erotica and it has the same effect as teasing.

4. Don't be affraid to use toys during sex. Don't feel threatened or like you aren't good enough just because she can't orgasm. Hand her a bullet or something to use on her clit whilst you have sex. You'd be suprised how much of the vibrations you can feel too!

5. Oral. My OH just loves it and quite often will stop us having sex and force me down there! So brush up on your oral skills, and again don't be affraid to use toys or fingers at the same time.

6. Finally, TAKE YOUR TIME! There is no reason that she has to climax when you do, or within a certain time. Just take things nice and slow and at a pace she is happy with. In my experience, we usually fool around with forplay and sex for a while until I orgasm, then all my attention goes into making her orgasm, by which point I'm ready to go again and shes gagging for more.....win win!

Hope this helps 

Firstly, wow, thank you all for the responses! I was expecting maybe one reply by now, but 5 in less than 24 hours? Wow

She says (and I believe her) that's she's never climaxed, through penetration or otherwise. She says I do it better than she does when it comes to masturbation. I've given her a bullet, but she still hasn't.

I'm gonna try getting a vibrating cock ring for clitoral stimulation now, see if that helps.

Do any of you ladies squirt when you have an orgasm or is that just for films?

My ex gf used to find it really hard to orgasm because she was so tense and uncomfortable during foreplay but eventually we got there so these are my top tips for having a great orgasm.

1. The first thing your partner needs to do is relax her pelvic area if shes clenches to much at the point of orgasm she wont be able to cum as much and her orgasm will be very small. So the best way to prevent this is to massage the top of her vagina just under her stomach this will loosen the whole area off.

2. Tease her alot to create sexual anticiaption, this will make the orgasm alot better when it happens because it has been building up to it for a while.

3. Change it up a bit i find juring plain boring sex my mind starts to wonder and if your not focusing on whats actually happening then theres no way your gonna get turned on enough. i find switching it up helps alot e.g keep changing positions, dirty talk and the inclusion of sex toys.

4. If you manage to stimulate her g spot and clit at the same time her ejaculation will be alot greater, it will almost feel like she needs to pee because its created by the same glands.

:o hope these are helpful for you :P

DaPratsta wrote:

Firstly, wow, thank you all for the responses! I was expecting maybe one reply by now, but 5 in less than 24 hours? Wow

She says (and I believe her) that's she's never climaxed, through penetration or otherwise. She says I do it better than she does when it comes to masturbation. I've given her a bullet, but she still hasn't.

I'm gonna try getting a vibrating cock ring for clitoral stimulation now, see if that helps.

the first time I came was during masturbation and it took me 1hour and half to get there!just saying that it may take time and lot of stimulation. fantasies do help a lot too. It does get easier over time, it does for me, but this may be individual. As for bullet, it also depends on the strength. I find some bullets a bit too weak and buzzy, but every woman is really different. I am finding flicking fast the vibe on the highest setting during masturbation to be the best way to get there. Just leaving the vibe on my clit takes much longer. Meaning sometimes an hour

I'm a woman who has never been able to orgasm until I got a rabbit but even then it still takes me ages. I then tried with a bullet and that does nothing for me at all so dont give up. maybe get her a toy and suggests she uses it alone for the first few times to see how she gets on with it?

I've never actually got round to using said rabbit or any other toy with my partner though it has been suggested before he has gone off me just as I was getting confident enough to try so I don't know if an orgasm is acheivable with it when I'm not alone.

Well done for trying to help her anyway but if it doesn't work dont take it personally, if she says shes enjoying sex and she acts like she enjoys it then believe her. I love sex even though I've never had an orgasm with my partner.

My wife also had problems climaxing until I tried the following technique:

1.  Make sure her pussy is well lubricated.

2.   Insert your penis slowly and move in and out gently ten times.  On ten shove it iright in as deep as you can get and hold the position for 5 seconds.

3.   Start your next round of ten penetrations, gently, but now, when you get to ten, really ram it home and hold it in deep for 5 seconds.  Her eyes should be wide open in genuine surprise.

4.  Now start your next round of ten shoves, but when you come to eight, you hit her hard three times and hold 5 seconds.

5.  Continue with this gentle /. hard count down until all ten shoves are hard. Remember the gentle penetrations reduce by one every next round while the hard shoves increase by one.  Always hold the last one.  When you eventually do the ten hard shoves, keep your penis deep inside her for as longs as she can take it and then switch to a rapid, deep penetrating rythm.

If your girl is anything like my old lady, she'll be screaming for all the neighbours to hear by this time, and she`s going to ask you to repeat it next time you get into her knickers.  But the real trick is not to cum yourself before you have completed the circuit...

Good luck and enjoy!

 @buddyboy lol that was very precise!

@http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/members/dapratsta/, i I would not get get too worried about orgasms, as someone who;s had difficulty in that area if I knew my partner was just focused on that when I didn't feel it would happen it just made me very pressured and like a failure. The first time I orgasmed with a partner, he was the first person who wasn't trying to make me have one, we were just enjoying each other. I found out not only can I orgasm but squirt aswell. As mentioned girls who squirt often get a sensation like needing to pee, which may hold them back if they don't know what it is. The main thing is enjoy her and make it about how good it can be, not about orgasm. 

There may be something in what buddyboy says because often I get over stimulated during sex and am more likely to experience my orgasm in the pauses. 

Take it slowly slowly slowly and she will get there, if it so takes 10 nights, 20 or 30. It's worth it in the end.

If she's done it before then she can surely do it again. :) It just takes time. First, make sure she isn't tired or over stressed. The only thing that causes me NOT to is being really tired and stressed. Make sure she;s comfortable and maybe ask her to show you what she does to get there? That may help.

Also, enhancers can help get past that first 20 minutes of "Warm up". I like using Horney Honey cream. It kind of lets you skip the first 20 minutes of work to get aroused and takes you straight to foreplay mode. :) Hope this helps.

All i can say is if you are both enjoying your sex together then carry on , try not to make it an issue or feel you are not doing it right, we are all different i have been with partners who have not orgasmed at all some who only do in penetrative sex and some who orgasmed to oral, end of the day we are all different.

Carry on what you are doing but maybe each time you have sex maybe tweek and change little things you may do and ask if what you doing feels good or not

My previous gf who was 29 had never had an orgasm with a partner before me and she found it very diffiult.

The best thing you can do is have her relax. There's nothing more off putting when trying to orgasm when you feel you partners interest is waning or they're struggling to keep the pace etc.

Choose a night when you have plenty of time to take her to bed. Stroke, caress and kiss her and don't put any pressure on her to have sex (penetrative). There can never be too muh foreplay... Like a good hour or more not touching her down there at all.

Concentrate on clitoral stimulation to make her come after the caressing bit because its easier for women to come this way, but do it teasingly, so she doesn't tense and try to hold herself in certain position to make herself come. Go slow and keep steady, and put yourself in a comfortable position as you may be down there a while. Even if your jaw/arm etc burns keep going or at least don't show her that its painful because that will put her off!

Most importantly enjoy it and show her you're enjoying it. Also show her that you're not concentrating too hard or keeping silent because its so off putting; she'll know 'she's hard work' and this won't help. I'd also not use toys at first, its a bit much to buy a vibrating cock ring because this will again psyologically seem as though she needs 'tools'  to come (if you get what I mean) concentrate on just using your fingers/tongue etc then introduce sex toys

Above all don't get stressed and don't feel pressured into bringing her to orgasm as she'll feel she's failing you but not coming. It isn't always the be all and end all... Have fun practicing. ;)

 intimacy and wine

enjoy each other's company, enjoy some wine, go to bed and get intimate.  kisses cuddles, all the things that bring you together.

i find the one thing my bf does that gets me off pretty fast everytime is just at the point of anticipation, knowing that penetration is coming - he'll very lightly rest his cock on my pussy and then he'll rub his cock along my slit, and only very barely dip his cock into my pussy and repeat it.  He does this a few times and when he does enter me, he does so full pelt that I'm squirming in ecstacy.  He does that really really well it has to be said.

Seome women like their breasts being touched, some don't.  Strangely - now i do - i love it.

But when i was married to my exhusband i hated it.  in fact - i hated him coming anywhere near me in all honesty and i had huge barriers and walls up and our sex life was nonexistent.

The thing most likely to stop an orgasm coming is waiting for one.

Relaxation is thus very important and she has to be able to enjoy the sensations she is receiving for what they are. Many people are very self conscious and this gets in the way of orgasm.

So my advice is to make sure she's feel mellow, happy, safe and unpressured, then start doing stuff that is sensual but not immediately sexual. LIke a long slow massage.

Slowly build up to sex using stimulation you know she likes, maybe, once her desire is aroused, you could try letting her take control of the sex. Try letting her go on top for example. My own partner likes to go on top and stimulate herself with a vibrator whille I'm inside.

She's not alone. My partner has sometimes found it difficult to orgasm, as have other people I've slept with before.

To echo some of the other views here, the key, I suggest, is not to make her orgasm the goal. The watched pot never boils, as they say. The harder she tries to come, the less likely it is to happen.

Instead, just share and enjoy the sensations together; hopefully she can relax and just enjoy the way sex or stimulation feels for its own sake, and just maybe, she will at some point find that her orgasm arrives naturally, and and unexpectedly.

Focus on her clitoris as much as you can. And if she feels comfortable with doing so, maybe she could just masturbate or touch herself, alongside you, to see if by controlling what she experiences and focusing on her own pleasure, the pressure she feels to climax will be replaced by enjoyment of the act in its own right.