The 3 modes of Sex - Primal, Fun and Making Love

So people... whats your poison, and how much of each? ...And can you separate the 3, or must you have all 3 at once?

I would very much like to hear the opinions of the opposite sex as i have met a lot recently whom in discussion cannot have either of the first two without the "making love" element.

To me, the two dont necessarily have to go together... but i am intrigued to know one's thoughts please... :)

 Interesting. Our sex is often Primal mixed with Making Love. I'd like just the love making, but often becomes primal since we don't do it as often as we might like.

Fun doesn't come in to our sex at all anymore. But we have Fun with foreplay and our 'being close'. We muck about and tickle and play fight etc, but we don't involve that with sex at all really. I'm not sure why actually. It just doesn't work that way with us. I can't actually give a reason apart from thats just the way it is.

As always, it really depends exactly what is meant by each term.

But I rather suspect our sex life consists of 100% "Making Love". There doesn't seem to be much that's Primal or Fun about it. And that includes foreplay.

@ AA Interesting you should say that - I'd happily scrap the Making Love once in a while for some of the other two.

Well I'm single at the moment so the sex I'm having is mostly primal/fun with absolutely no element of lovemaking whatsoever.

When I was in a relationship it was mainly love making though sometimes it felt like none of the three. It wasn't primal in the sense that we needed each other so desperately, our bodies being completely out of our control and clothes flying off everywhere (sigh... yes, I think that's my poison!) and it wasn't really fun either... does the word "duty" or "obligation" come to mind! Thank god that relationship is over.

I believe that sex is better when the making love element is involved and I look forward to finding someone I can have that with again but at the moment having primal, fun sex is pretty good :)

DDD... i am in complete agreement with you...

With me and my gf, it's generally either primal or love, with elements of fun with both. WE find sex to be a great way of making each other laugh as well as orgasm (most of the time).

Making love is what i enjoy most. The fun and primal usually takes place when its a quickie and not planned or expected.

For me, making love includes foreplay, gentle touching, licking, sucking and nibbling that leads to the passionate lovemaking and deep connection with your partner. Whereas primal/fun is that quickie that was unexpected, which can include a bit of biting and slapping/tickling but without much foreplay which isnt bad at all.

So the answer is yes i can do primal/fun without making love.

 I completely know what you mean but I reckon I'd reclassify your three modes as "Primal, Fun, Romantic" as for us all of them can feel like making love and have that emotional intensity. We're lucky, we do all three, and we often mix them together or flow from one to another.

We've got a fourth one too I reckon - when we play at BDSM and do the Dom/sub thing, it's very different, and belongs in it's own category. Kink?

SS xx

SS ... Kink? That made me laugh out loud ... but i totally agree... :)

Shining Knight of Kinkdom wrote:

SS ... Kink? That made me laugh out loud ... but i totally agree... :)

It's different to the others because it has more... structure? I'm finding it hard to articulate, but it's less organic than the other kinds, whilst still feeling totally natural. It has rules, or at least conventions, that we've set up over time so it belongs in a category of it's own for me I think. 

But to answer your original question, I couldn't possibly pick a favourite!!

SS xx

 I can have the primal and fun sex without the love making. My partner and I love making love but sometimes primal (what i call dirty sex) is a nice change! Fun sex is also good.

I think if u mix all three (doesnt have to be all at once) it keeps ur sex life fresh and stops it from getting boring and monotonous  

xxx

Personally, with me and my OH it could be anyone of the 3, depending on what moods were in. All 3 together or on seperate occasions.  I prefer Lovemaking, Handsdown i personally dont think there is any better than tantric (the art of lovemaking) having passion, and being in the heat of the moment, just aching for eachother is my poison.
but, i dont think you coud possibly 'make love' every single time, and have that passion every time, sometimes were just laughing and joking. it all depends on your mood at the end of the day, and how each individual percieves each kind.

:)

butters x

SweetSubmission wrote:

Shining Knight of Kinkdom wrote:

SS ... Kink? That made me laugh out loud ... but i totally agree... :)

 

It's different to the others because it has more... structure? I'm finding it hard to articulate, but it's less organic than the other kinds, whilst still feeling totally natural. It has rules, or at least conventions, that we've set up over time so it belongs in a category of it's own for me I think. 

But to answer your original question, I couldn't possibly pick a favourite!!

SS xx

I understand exactly what you mean. It isn't any of the others yet like you I am having trouble exlaining it! The best way I can describe it is 'Organised Sex'.

But I think Kink comes under it's own catagory all of it's own with different sub catagories, rather than having it involved with these ones.

I don't know why but I rebel against the phrase 'making love'.

I think the type of sex depends on the relationship and the person you are with. I've had relationships that were almost exclusively Primal (with a bit of fun added in sometimes of course). My current relationship is definately a mixture of the three, with the main focus being on fun. We have a good laugh and enjoy it, but putting a name to what we do doesn't change things, as we are happy with whatever we do and it's definately an unstructured thing. We are very open about what we want and again I think 'variety is the spice of life' (groan i know, but true)!

well we like primal and fun and primal are always together for us, but hopefully soon it will be making love as we have decided to try for a baby soon, but that'll be fun too!

xx

 Saw this article and immediatly thought of this thread:

'Comfort Sex': Is It A Bad Thing?

Lovehoney - Alice wrote:

 Saw this article and immediatly thought of this thread:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jill-di-donato/comfort-sex-bad_b_1116113.html#s333125&title=1_Dont_Talk

That is interesting.

This is a good reason for me to masturbate, but I don't have sex this way.

Interesting question considering something I was thinking about the other day. After an intense session last week I was thinking of the different drives/urges for sex.

Intimacy = Obviously the desire to be intimate with someone as an expression of love, to share pleasure with someone is a connection that is, naturally, intimate.

Hedonistic = A desire for pure unadulterated pleasure that might not actually be a reflection on the partner.

Orgasmic = Different from hedonism in the respect that I think many people, myself included, might often want sex for the pure release of frustration or end goal. Think of the difference between eating for pleasure and just eating to satisfy hunger.

Submissive = A desire to be the object of someone else's desire.

I avoided reproduction because it is either calculated (thus not an actual 'drive') or arguably the overriding drive for all these strange 'feely drives'.

I suppose there are other drives we experience but I never got that far in my rather sketchy overview of sexytime urges!

Doesn't the above makes me sound rather Sartrean? Must be utter bullshit then, soz about that.

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As for the actual OP: all sex should be fun and generally intimacy rears it's head during/after sex for me and the primal-ness is optional!

I'm a fan of all three. I think Primal, Fun and Romantic all have an element of love in them though. Just in different concentrations. No matter the mood, both he and I get off on seeing the other having a great time.

 I don't think i've ever really had true primal sex. Sure I've desperately needed it at times, but it always fit better in the romantic or fun columns. I think my true poison is fun sex, making her giggle is a turn on for me and playing sexy games and naked tickle fights are great fun. That doesn't mean I don't enjoy getting into some truely romantic sex though :)