• have I done the right thing?

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    Iwish [sign in to see picture]
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    Hello,I would really like my wife to wear sexy lingerie but she says it is not for her and doesn't feel sexy enough,I have tried to convince her otherwise,and even purchased some items from here but was told to send them back.so I have bought her a gift voucher for la senza and was hoping to give it to her for xmas but was wondering should I give it to her before so maybe she can get something for xmas herself.I would have thought she would be pleased to think I want her to wear sexy things.what do thje ladies think on here are the glad to receive lingerie and how do the blokes go about it and what should I do,I am having doubts that I have done the right thing.

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    ghostgirl [sign in to see picture]
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    This probably isnt what you want to hear but it sounds like she is feeling pressured, did she give a reason why she thinks she isnt sexy enough to wear the type of lingerie you purchased.

    It might help us give good advice if you let us know what you bought that was rejected, if I was feeling unsexy being given something lacy and crotchless would be taken as a critisism.

    The voucher is a good idea but dont be disappointed if she spends it on nice but not naughty underwear.

    xGGx

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    RMBelle [sign in to see picture]
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     I think if my hubby asked me to do something I didn't want to and gave him the answer that it wasn't for me because I don't feel sexy enough, I would expect him to take that as the answer and final word on the subject for now!!  It seems you have gone another step further than that and bought things from here too. If she has seen the items, and decided they are definitely not for her and this has happened twice, I would leave the idea completely for now.

    How would you feel if she agreed to wear it  just to please you and was really, visibly uncomfortable and not enjoying it at all?  The answer to this question should help you decide if you want to continue on with this.  

    Sorry this sounds harsh, but I think this could be bordering pressuring her.

    1322483161
    Iwish [sign in to see picture]
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    I bought her some hold up stockings which she has kept but never tried on,well not that I am aware of,I also purchased a couple of babydolls.I would love her to wear a basque or corset but I know she is conscious about her body she is a size 16 and isn't happy with herself,but I think she is gorgeous and would look great in lingerie,nothing too risque.I often drop hints and look longingly when we walk past ann summers etc,hoping one day we will go in.

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    S&S [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Iwish.

    Sorry your in such a hard situation. It does sound like she feels a bit pressured. I suppose its hard for her to put on lingerie when she doesnt feel very sexy. And if she thinks she isnt sexy then maybe she finds it hard to think that you DO find her sexy. My OH and I have been there. When I feel miserable about myself it genuinely shocks me that he finds me so sexy. When you dont like you its hard to believe anyone else would.

    I agree with what the others are saying. You dont want her putting on stuff she's uncomfortable in because she feels under pressure. My OH once got me some pvc stuff that I wore to make him happy. He knew straight off that I was uncomfortable and it was a turn off.

    I think the vouchers are a good idea. You should go out together and shop around. Tell her she doesnt have to buy anything but encourage her to at least try on some things that she might like. She might change her mind when she's on her own in the changing room (not feeling any pressure) and realises just how damn sexy she looks in this stuff. You might be surprised to see her coming out of the dressing room with a big smile on her face. It worked for me and my OH. I just needed to realise on my own that I did look sexy and that he really wanted me. And it helps that he buys all the sexy lingerie! I love going shopping now.

    Thats the best advice I can think of. I hope it helps. I'm sorry that she feels so unhappy but I definitely think that you'll be able to bring her out of it. Sounds as if you worship her so she'll come round eventually.

    Good luck with the shopping!!

    x

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    LilMissFrustrated [sign in to see picture]
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     Hi Iwish I would have to agree with the above. I think slightly too much pressure if being applied by yourself. Your wife is clearly not comfortable if she has stated no and has returned the items.

    I also think although the gift voucher would imply freedom of choice, La Senza is some what restricted in what they sell. I immediately think of sexy lingerie in connection with this store so once again you are trying to influence your wife. Is the gift voucher a gift to her or to yourself. If you are honest it would not be a store she would choose and so is it really a gift??

    Perhaps a more generalised store may have been better.

    I realise that you would love to see her in sexy lingerie but surely you would love to see your wife relaxed in bed/out and about wearing what she is comfortable with and her knowing you respect her wishes more?

    LMF xx

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    ShaftMaster [sign in to see picture]
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    Firstly, I'd ask if you've talked to her, to try and understand why she doesn't like lingerie? I agree with what people have said about not being pushy, but also when my gf is unhappy about something about herself, I do try and do something to help show her she doesn't have to be unhappy. With this in mind, have you thought about getting some nightware type things? Something that might help her feel more sexy, but aren't specifically sexual in themselves??

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    Iwish [sign in to see picture]
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    Well I bought the voucher so she can choose what she wants,if she just wants nightwear then that is fine with me,they do some nice chemises etc.I won't buy anything for her again as I don't want to be made a fool of and embarrased when she doesn't want or like it,I just want to show her I love the way she looks and thinks she would look great in some nice lingerie.doesn't have to be risque although it would be nice but as long as she is comfortable,she is really hung up about her body,maybe she could see that she does look great if she tried it on.

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    Amykins [sign in to see picture]
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     Does she have any friends she can have ann summers party with or go sexy underwear shopping with them so she will get positive opinions from her friends?

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    Gyrator53 [sign in to see picture]
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    Several people are using the word "pressure" as if this is the worst thing in the world to apply to your partner. There are times and situations where pressure is bad but I'm not convinced that when someone has a poor self-image that some pressure to overcome it isn't quite a good thing (Gok Wan has certainly done a lot to help some women overcome their poor self-image and you could certainly call some of his methods pressure!). Sometimes telling someone you think they are sexy just isn't enough.

    The problem is that poor physical self-image can be extremely corrosive, to the individual, their partner, and to any family - and I write here from experience. To a degree the problem is self-fulfilling - if the 'victim' feels incapable of looking good then they seem to dress to make it true and then you have a vicious circle.

    So, although this may not be in line with the consensus view, I think you are entirely right to make a bit of an issue of this for the sake of all concerned.

    Good luck!

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    CurlyCoupleWife [sign in to see picture]
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      Hi Iwish,

    Welcome to the forum!

    I think you've done the right thing, If she chooses she could spend it on a dressing gown that flaunts nothing but at the same time you'll give her a reminder that you find her hot as hell & you'll give her the opportunity/excuse to spoil herself.

    Maybe if you want her to feel sexier you could also treat her to some nice toiletries/spa treatments (not sure of your budget); feeling soft, smoothe & pampered always makes me feel sexier

    Good luck

    CCW x

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