is this wrong and selfish?

I don't think masturbating is being disrespectful, but it does seem a little insulting that you hide it from her.  I know you know she'll feel guilty, but she'll probably feel worse if she catches you and realises you've been trying so hard to keep it from her.  I'd say talk to her about it, say that you do have urges and are happy to satisfy them yourself with no pressure or demands on her, and once it's all out in the open, then you can do it 'opnely' - not sneaking around like a porn-ninja, but not rubbing it in her face either - and she can either acknowledge it or not as she feels.  There's always a chance that she knows you want it, and is feeling guilty as it is thinking you're abstaining (or worse, is getting paranoid that you are or will seek satisfaction elsewhere!).  If she knows that you're taking care of yourself in an acceptable way, and aren't expecting anything from her, but are giving her the option of talking about it if she needs to, then while she might feel guilty initially, she can relax more after that knowing that there's no need to worry about it.

 all true, I came up with the same arguments when I have the conversation with myself

robin wrote:

 I must admit that I masturbate and watch porn online secritively so not to make her feel guilty (which she would be), which is making me feel guilty. Is giving in to my urges being disrespectful? 

Not at all!! 

Are you sure she'd have a problem with it? Have you talked to her about it?

robin wrote:

 Blimey Atlanta, that's quite a negative slant you gave to it. Yes, she is tired but I don't see myself as neglected. the child and her should be in the centre of attention. I almost feel bad bringing the subject up

Well we had three children and they're all in their late 20s - 30s now. To be honest and although I tried to deny it at the time I missed being the sole object of her love after the first one was born. We never seemed to have a heart to heart again, and things never got fully talked through. In fact I think it was only about 7 years ago that we really started have time for each other again. But we've been through it together and that's made us close.

I don't think you should feel guilty, after all wanking is probably the best way to relieve your urges. Most women though will feel somewhat rejected if they catch you using porn.

I agree. It's super hard and may take time for her to come around. I would be patient and try to help her in any way you can that way she can save some of her energy for the fun stuff... fun stuff means sex! Lol. :) I know my advice wasn't as helpful as the ones above, but just thought I'd throw my 2 cents in. :) Best of luck and congrats on the baby!

 bit of an update since I started this thread

http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/forums/sex-tips-and-talk/436187-needed-to-share-this/