• Not so hardcore bondage stuff?

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    crag630 [sign in to see picture]
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    Okay so me and my new friend with benefit's have been discussing it by email before we met and well he like's the idea of bondage stuff and I know I do and we have had some sucess recently with these:

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=15722

    I have been dropping huge hints by sending him links yo things like the guides on the blog for advanced bondage, but how would you bring out a spanker, paddle or flogger without scaring him off every time we discuss the whole pain/pleasure thing I hit a solid brick wall of "I dont like pain".

    I assume he would not be terrified if I pulled out wrist restraints, a ball gag, leg spreader and all that stuff but if I took out a cane I think he would get a little nervous maybe even try and run away, so was thinking from a tottal outside perspective what whip, flogger or spanker or whatever would be the least threatening mainly wanting a flogger as to me they don't look that bad but I want another opinion to make sure.

    As for colour and budget I am willing to use anything that is as mentioned not scary as for price well I am willing to pay about 30 ish maybe more for a good quality one but can be quite tight fisted so preferably something cheap if possible but not cheap and falls apart during use cheap!

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    CurlyCoupleWife [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Crag

    This was hubby & my first implement http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=15707 (also in my pic)

    It's really nice to look at, soft & sensual & you really have to try hard to inflict any pain with it.

    You can get a fabulous impact sound without there being any pain at all (it's far milder than a spanking).

    The only way you'll get any pain with it is to sort of jerk your hand backward at the point of impact so the ends of the fronds just flick across the skin but with this flogger (because the fronds are wide) even that isn't painful.

    If you're after something with hidden potential, this feather http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=6788 is lovely for tie-up & tease & if you really get into pain, check out the other end (thin, bendable plastic) it's essentially a cane in disguise (it really, really hurts)

    (I wasn't sure if you were after stuff that genuinely didn't hurt or stuff that he could hurt you with without being threatened by the appearance)

    Might also be worth looking into massage candles - again its sensual but is edging toward pain/pleasure.

    Hope you find something you both enjoy

    CCW x

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    crag630 [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks had looked at that feather duster before but never seen its hidden potential oh and its me hitting him not the other way round which is why were having an issue. Mainly I am looking for something that wont hurt him but can show him the whole pain/pleasure thing.

    As for candle's would I be corect in what I can rember that these bondage candle's are specially made so they wont burn you?

    Sadly we only have about one or two hours a week so cant get too heavy as fast as I would like .

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    CurlyCoupleWife [sign in to see picture]
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    The massage candles burn at a lower temperature than regular candles so they won't burn him (be sure to follow the instructions though). But they could be an introduction to the mental challenge that comes with subbing.

    I reckon the flogger is probably a good place to start as even if he never gets into pain he'll appreciate the feel of hundreds of suede fingers caressing his body but you can get a blush on the bum cheeks with repeated flogging which will show him the increased sensitivity you get from extra blood flow.

    Of course there's always your hand - it's free, you know exactly how hard you're being and it's fairly durable

    Have you established a safe word with him? It might be worth taking a step back & explaining that he can trust you not to get carried away, if he tells you to stop, you will stop immediately. I appreciate you know all this, but does he? There's a whole world of pain/pleasure you guys can explore together but you're going to have to take it at his pace (maybe with a little gentle coaxing). and you're going to have to explain all the conventions to him.

    Have you ever thought about being on the receiving end? If he can see the pleasure that can be derived from pain it might peak his interest perhaps?

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    crag630 [sign in to see picture]
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    I have tried talking too him but like I said it just hits the brick wall, my hand lol it just feels a bit heavy duty but will try it hopefully he doesnt start crying after one little spank lol.

    As for being on the recieving end well not too sure I trust him and all but I would not be comfotable with somone using their hand after all the fight's I have been in well somone hitting me even slightly on the shoulder tends to send me in to a sort defense mode where I can get very unpredictable and I dont want to hit him in the face if he hits me too hard besides when did the dom ever become his slaves bitch?

    That should also cover why I am not too comfortable using my hand.

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    crag630 [sign in to see picture]
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    Avrielle_Aniko wrote:

    Hmm. See, I don't see bondage as pain. Actually, bondage isn't anything to do with pain, it's restraint. But a cane is far too much for a beginner, let alone someone ywho doesn't want pain. A cane hurts!

    A wide, large surfaced paddle is something that isn't really designed for pain. Bondage Boutiques Round Leather Paddle is shaped like a large table tennis bat and is difficult to issuen real painunless you really give it a good thwack! This is great for a begginer, but be sure not to give him any pain to start with, unless he asks for it. Only start with small light taps on the meaty flesh of the backside. Slowly build up until the sound of the paddle gets a bit louder, then stop and start again, working up. The bonus of a large surfaced paddle is that it can give off a satisfying thwack sound, but do minimal damage to the person being thwacked. It is also easy to leave a nice warm red behind for your satisfaction, but it won't really hurt at all for him. In fact, it actually feels a bit tingly, but with a heat and sorta tickkles which makes the whole area (for me its my pussy and backs of theighs, but for him he should feel a tickly turn on in his cock and balls which could make him pretty horny if its anything like how I react!) And he should find it pleasurable.

    Be sure to talk to him and tell him you don't want him to be in pain in any way, and itb is all zabout pleasure, for him as well as you.

    If you still aren't getting anywhere then you could introduce him to a feather tickler or something very light and not really designed for spanking. A flogger might be a good idea nand use it on him by stroking it over his body, and a very small flick here and there while he is in the mood.

    I think thats about as much as I can offer.

    Great post and thankss going to just send him a very blunt email on the subject making sure to mention all the stuff about it not needing to hurt.

    Oh and as for the cane I was joking lol had no intention of trying that first time.

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    Mr Monster [sign in to see picture]
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    Crag, if you're edgy around physical violence, and he says he's flat-out not into pain, then why are you pushing so hard for this aspect of your play?

    And more importantly, you say you're not too sure you trust him. That alone makes me think "Stop right there!" If you don't trust him to top you safely and sensitively, how can you trust him to communicate as a bottom? There really needs to be a 2-way thing going on for you both to be happy and healthy during this kind of relationship.

    It sounds like you two are just getting used to the form of your relationship, so these kinds of tensions will probably keep happening for a while. But if you can't both resolve them well, then perhaps you're just not into the same kinds of play. Try finding something you both enjoy and starting there.

    All the best,

    MrMr

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    Mr Monster [sign in to see picture]
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    PS hey, AA!

    Look at your post count!

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    crag630 [sign in to see picture]
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    Mr Monster wrote:

    Crag, if you're edgy around physical violence, and he says he's flat-out not into pain, then why are you pushing so hard for this aspect of your play?

    And more importantly, you say you're not too sure you trust him. That alone makes me think "Stop right there!" If you don't trust him to top you safely and sensitively, how can you trust him to communicate as a bottom? There really needs to be a 2-way thing going on for you both to be happy and healthy during this kind of relationship.

    It sounds like you two are just getting used to the form of your relationship, so these kinds of tensions will probably keep happening for a while. But if you can't both resolve them well, then perhaps you're just not into the same kinds of play. Try finding something you both enjoy and starting there.

    All the best,

    MrMr

    The thing is he keeps mentioning how much he is in too it but not the pain aspect so kind of trying to show him the pleasure and non painfull stuff, as for me and physical violence and not trusting him what I was meaning was simply that I just don't trust anyone ho hit's me why would I?

    Its a long complex thing but realisticaly I do trust him a lot but due to a lot of complex stuff that went on in the past if somone is too hit me in any shape or form I would find it hard to convince my self they were not about to kick my head in.

    Just sent an email to him explaining all this stuff.

    Any way to clear up we already have a great trust built up with good communication playing with hm tied up and some improvised gag's and blind folds (socks!) the only thing is as I said I want to introduce it but slowly and so I dont hurt him.

    Over all though like I said he is up for it but simply needs to be shown the pleasurable side, as for my issue with physicall violence well that only thankfully goes for my hands those things have made some mess over the years and well I couldn't trust my self with them its complicated too explain too somone ho was not their too see the way I was brought up or how far some of the fight went.

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    Mr Monster [sign in to see picture]
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    Ok, that makes more sense. Glad you're both exploring things you want to.

    It still seems to me that you'd benefit from working through your issues with trust and aggression. Perhaps consider finding a professional counsellor to talk to? I know that has helped me get control of some things that had been bothering me - maybe it could help you too?

    Play safe!

    Mr Mr

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    crag630 [sign in to see picture]
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    Mr Monster wrote:

    Ok, that makes more sense. Glad you're both exploring things you want to.

    It still seems to me that you'd benefit from working through your issues with trust and aggression. Perhaps consider finding a professional counsellor to talk to? I know that has helped me get control of some things that had been bothering me - maybe it could help you too?

    Play safe!

    Mr Mr

    Thanks for your concern but heck I have had too many reccomendations to go see a specialist problem is I dont trust people who can throw you in a mentall health place (seen way to much movies!)

    But all seriousnes I am going to try and see somone soon after you being the tenth person to reccomend it on top of two guidance folk at my college suppose it might help worth a shot.

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    CurlyCoupleWife [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Crag

    Apologies - i didn't realise you guys were defined as sub & dom - Although it is still possible to be a dominant spankee ("what are you? man or mouse?", "You can surely do better than that!") the two are not mutually exclusive.

    Your automatic defence mechanism though would mean being on the receiving end is probably not a good idea.

    That would be better dealt with outside of the bedroom with a counsellor or therapist as MrMr has suggested. I am friends with 5 people who've told me they've been in therapy, none of them were sectioned (one of them was suggested for sectioning by his family (long unhappy story) but the therapist supported his assertion that it wasn't necessary in fact). Four out of the five I know have found it very useful, (one felt it saved their life) the fifth found it did nothing for them but did no harm either. I figure it's worth a try.

    Have you ever asked him why he's not into pain? Like yourself he might have a very good reason for avoiding it (just a thought); or there might be one specific thing in that he's particularly frightened of coming across.

    Hope your play evolves in a way that satisfies both of you

    CCW x

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    crag630 [sign in to see picture]
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    CurlyCoupleWife wrote:

    Hi Crag

    Apologies - i didn't realise you guys were defined as sub & dom - Although it is still possible to be a dominant spankee ("what are you? man or mouse?", "You can surely do better than that!") the two are not mutually exclusive.

    Your automatic defence mechanism though would mean being on the receiving end is probably not a good idea.

    That would be better dealt with outside of the bedroom with a counsellor or therapist as MrMr has suggested. I am friends with 5 people who've told me they've been in therapy, none of them were sectioned (one of them was suggested for sectioning by his family (long unhappy story) but the therapist supported his assertion that it wasn't necessary in fact). Four out of the five I know have found it very useful, (one felt it saved their life) the fifth found it did nothing for them but did no harm either. I figure it's worth a try.

    Have you ever asked him why he's not into pain? Like yourself he might have a very good reason for avoiding it (just a thought); or there might be one specific thing in that he's particularly frightened of coming across.

    Hope your play evolves in a way that satisfies both of you

    CCW x

    Ask why? You have a gret point there had not considered that it could be an underlying issue though he has not said anything will definately ask.

    As for us being dom sub well this is kind of just one of many things we intend to do I could never stick to just plain sex but at the same time could never stay dom for too long my imagination is the only thing I kept from my child hood and it can come up with some weird stuff when you least exspect it.

    Still waiting on a reply from him from the email last night but he works weird rotating shifts

    Thats why we barely get any time to have fun

    Okay supose now therapy would be good for me save me sitting in here like a hermit feeling sorry for my self all most all day lol thank god for college!

    Do you get therapy on the NHS though other than the sectioning type?

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    Honeytongue [sign in to see picture]
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    Okay supose now therapy would be good for me save me sitting in here like a hermit feeling sorry for my self all most all day lol thank god for college!

    Do you get therapy on the NHS though other than the sectioning type?

    Hiya,

    Yes NHS do do the non-sectioning type. Talk to your dr. Plus remember sectioning someone is really expensive so it really is something they try to avoid. Talk to a professional - if you get the right one it can make a huge difference. If after the first few sessions it isn't helping ask to change therapist - but don't give up.

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    crag630 [sign in to see picture]
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    Honeytongue wrote:


    Okay supose now therapy would be good for me save me sitting in here like a hermit feeling sorry for my self all most all day lol thank god for college!

    Do you get therapy on the NHS though other than the sectioning type?

    Hiya,

    Yes NHS do do the non-sectioning type. Talk to your dr. Plus remember sectioning someone is really expensive so it really is something they try to avoid. Talk to a professional - if you get the right one it can make a huge difference. If after the first few sessions it isn't helping ask to change therapist - but don't give up.

    Thanks now knowing they wont section me I feel more comfortable with the idea.

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    crag630 [sign in to see picture]
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    Avrielle_Aniko wrote:

    People afre only sectioned if they are a significant risk to themselves or the public. Really don't think you need to worry about that.

    Oh good but was not too sure as my dad (long story) gets benefits for dissability only after he tried to top him self sadly the doctor declared him a threat too himself and those around him and so he got benefits! confused face.

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    totallylamb [sign in to see picture]
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    Honeytongue wrote:


    Okay supose now therapy would be good for me save me sitting in here like a hermit feeling sorry for my self all most all day lol thank god for college!

    Do you get therapy on the NHS though other than the sectioning type?

    Hiya,

    Yes NHS do do the non-sectioning type. Talk to your dr. Plus remember sectioning someone is really expensive so it really is something they try to avoid. Talk to a professional - if you get the right one it can make a huge difference. If after the first few sessions it isn't helping ask to change therapist - but don't give up.

    Just thought I'd add that if your not too keen about going to the doctors or a hospital setting, various charities offer therapy/counselling either free or based on your income. If you just do a google search regarding self help services in your area something should come up :)

    x x x

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