• Confidence tips after accident

    1319237206
    Charlton [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 4
    • Joined: 25 Nov 2010

    Hi all!

    I'm new to the forum (a bit of looking but never posted before!)

    I've recently had a pretty serious motor bike accident, and I now have a large scar across my abdomen - similar to a c section, but about 2/3 times as London, and one all down my right leg - mid thigh to knee.

    The bones have all healed now....but I'm now left with a massive confidence issue. I've never been the skinniest or fittest girl about, but I've always been confident about my body, but even tho my rehab regime involves the gym 5 times a week and I'm now in the best shape for the last 10 years, I really hate my body, and I can't stand my OH seeing it.

    My OH tells me all the time that I look good, but I can't help but think he has to say that cos hes my hubby!

    I guess what I'm after is any tips on how to get your confidence back up - I miss being my confident and highly sexual old self! This new, shy and worried me isn't what I want!!

    Any help would be much appreciated

    Thanks
    Xxx

    1319238898
    sexy little minx [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 8 Nov 2009

    Hi and welcome to the forum.

    Sorry to hear about the accident but well done on getting back in shape.

    There are quite a few on here who have scars too, maybe reading about some other stories might help. You can find the thread here http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/forums/sex-tips-and-talk/162378-beautiful-scars-whats-your-story/ Hope it helps. x

    1319239041
    ShaftMaster [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
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    • Joined: 17 Dec 2010

    Don't take this as a generalisation about bikers, but how do you normally dress up when you go out?

    Just a thought, (and I'm not saying you don't already), maybe dressing up and going out more, clothes, hair, make up etc might help? If you try different approaches with with your public appearance, you'll find something that will make you feel better about how you look dressed. This confidence boost may have the effect of making you feel better about your appearance in general, and therefore have the knock on effect about your feelings toward your naked appearance in private as well??

    As I say, just a thought, but it's there for you (and anyone else) to mull over.

    1319325382
    Charlton [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
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    • Joined: 25 Nov 2010

    Thanks SLM, was an interesting read, glad I'm not the only one out there, hopefully I'll end up being as happy with them as some othe ppl are!

    SM, I have over the last few years moved out of my Tom boy phase and have started dressing up a bit more, sounds weird but I never really thought about how that would effect my confidence when I'm naked (I guess when your happy with yourself, you don't think about why you are, and it's only when you don't you start to look at it?) I'll giveit a try tho!

    Thanks! X

    1319327263
    ghostgirl [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
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    • Joined: 26 Sep 2010

    HI Charlton welcome to the forum

    Not much advice to give but looking at it from a different point of view. My OH had an accident a few months before we met, it has left him with scars on his foot and lower leg.

    When we first met he was really worried about showing them to me, to the extent of wearing socks to bed. Once he did let me see them my reaction was kind of 'is that what you were making all the fuss about?'.

    Your OH has told you that you look good to him, trust him he loves you for the person you are not the shell you come in. We all have imperfections it is what makes us unique.

    xGGx

    1319328313
    sweetlove666 [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 17 Nov 2008

    how about some stockings or lingerie that will cover the scars and make you feel sexier at the same time?

    1319328464
    atlanta [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
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    • Joined: 9 Apr 2009

    Hi Charlton,

    Poor you, but really I think that you shouldn't worry so much about your scar. I've lived with a severe scar on my left hand all my live and secondary scars on my left arm and back all my life.

    There are things I have to avoid doing with my left hand, but I have never had any trouble with significant others regarding it as unappealing.

    You might consider getting some therapeutic help. A therapist would help you accept your new body image.

    XXX

    1319362992
    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
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    • Joined: 8 Nov 2010

    Hello,

    it does take time to accept them. I had a surgery done on my right breast last year as I had lump in it. It was not cancer, but it did leave a scar on me breast and I took it badly.

    Firtly, guys dont care that much, my man keeps telling me he does not mind at all and he finds my body incredibly sexy and breasts are one of his favourite parts. If he really loves you, he will not care.

    Secondly, it takes time to accept it, but you can do it, in time. Also the scars tend to get less visible over time, to from ugly red to a silvery less noticable colour. Still maybe talk to a professional? let your OH see your body through a sexy babydoll? and then under dimmed light to start with? Or candle light?

    Hope you accept your body again, good luck. If you want to talk, I wil hapilly talk about my own skin issues worries and how to deal with them.

    1319371167
    Gyrator53 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
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    • Joined: 27 Sep 2007

    As I said in the "Beautiful scars" thread I was no oil-painting before mashing my face into the bonnet of a car and skidding it down a few yards of road. I think there were a few important factors that helped me get over it. Firstly, there was the realisation that I was still alive - by no means a given under the circumstances and that everything that I did after that had to be treated as a bonus.. Also that I was still mentally OK apart from a paranoia when crossing roads. The amount of peripheral junk I had lost from my memory only became apparent subsequently and thankfully wasn't very important beyond some embarrassing meetings with friends I couldn't remember.

    I now view the incident in a positive light. It made me more appreciative of everything and I think sometimes we don't appreciate enough the simple gift of being alive.

    However, the acceptance of my GF (now my wife) of my altered appearance was by far the most important thing. She simply didn't care. It was who I was, not what I looked like that she cared about and I'm sure that goes for most loved-ones. I'm sure your husband is being genuine when he says you look good - what you have to do is stop doubting him and accept it.

    1319414647
    missuscam [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 17
    • Joined: 14 Oct 2011

    Charlton wrote:

    Hi all!

    I'm new to the forum (a bit of looking but never posted before!)

    I've recently had a pretty serious motor bike accident, and I now have a large scar across my abdomen - similar to a c section, but about 2/3 times as London, and one all down my right leg - mid thigh to knee.

    The bones have all healed now....but I'm now left with a massive confidence issue. I've never been the skinniest or fittest girl about, but I've always been confident about my body, but even tho my rehab regime involves the gym 5 times a week and I'm now in the best shape for the last 10 years, I really hate my body, and I can't stand my OH seeing it.

    My OH tells me all the time that I look good, but I can't help but think he has to say that cos hes my hubby!

    I guess what I'm after is any tips on how to get your confidence back up - I miss being my confident and highly sexual old self! This new, shy and worried me isn't what I want!!

    Any help would be much appreciated

    Thanks
    Xxx

    i hun i have the same thing as u when i was 14 i was involved in a m/c accident i was same hieght as i am 2day but was a 10/12 due to what happned to my injuries its a daily struggle and im up 2 a size 18 and i have no confidence with my body and was a lot smaller back then the only thing u can do is trust your partner and be proud of ur scars ur still here :)

    get a long babydoll whuch can cover them to make u better and wear stockings or even try a cat suit :) cod if u are in ur best shape ud feel good wear some amazing underwear and dominate your partner hed love it and ud feel good too hope that helps hun good luck xx

    1319454424
    Gyrator53 [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 27 Sep 2007

    I think the catsuit idea is a good one. I reckon most men find a catsuit-clad woman very sexy indeed (especially if all the important access points are clearly only a zip pull away!)

    Perhaps if you can prove to yourself that you can still drive him totally wild you can start to accept that your scars really aren't that important after all.

    1319457598
    jpw [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 26 Jul 2009

    For what it's worth it's the person inside that makes the sexyness not the outfit or how you look.

    I'd suggest spending some money on a therapist just to talk it all through, after my last off I was straight in to see one as I feel it's more important to work on where your head is at because the body will heel it's self in time and care.

    Take the time to look after & cherish yourself, the rest will follow.

    JP

    1319473122
    missuscam [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
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    • Joined: 14 Oct 2011

    jpw wrote:

    For what it's worth it's the person inside that makes the sexyness not the outfit or how you look.

    I'd suggest spending some money on a therapist just to talk it all through, after my last off I was straight in to see one as I feel it's more important to work on where your head is at because the body will heel it's self in time and care.

    Take the time to look after & cherish yourself, the rest will follow.

    JP

    i know its the person but when ur in a position like tht its the hardest thing 2 accept sometimes however i totally agree :)

    1319578116
    Charlton [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 4
    • Joined: 25 Nov 2010

    Thanks all!

    G53 - I get what you mean about the being happy to still be here - I could have easily died (thank you the all the NHS team who work miracals!! )

    Its nice to hear that other people get over things like this.....I'm sure I can too!

    Its funny about not believing the OH when he says nice things.....if he was to say something not nice I'd lump him one and not give it a second thought!

    x

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