• Is your adult fantasy your own making?

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    Jo [sign in to see picture]
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    I wonder whether adult fantasies, fetish and the like are something that one generates out of necessity or these are conditioned by the surrounding influences?

    For example, if I hadn’t seen bondage, handcuffs, etc being used in a sexual way, I might have never thought it would be something sexually arousing. But because there is the internet and you could access everything and sometimes you come across objects, experiences, facts you would have thought would be repulsive to even think about, all of sudden you start contemplating what if I tried this and that!

    I have always thought that sex is as plain and simple as it is – you get naked and make love, that’s it! So I am very conventional and reading others’ posts I am sure many of you will say that this is plainly boring. But have you thought whether your fantasies, your role plays, fisting, bondage, strangling and what not are product of your own natural desires or they are predominantly initiated and developed in your imagination and become material in your lives due to external influences?

    I hope it doesn’t sound too convoluted!?!

    1319127786
    Lovehoney - Gemma [sign in to see picture]
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    I think it's quite a complicated idea. Yes, environment influences you but do you then have to have an innate interest to pursue what you see? It's a chicken/egg situation.

    As Hella said, good post!

    Xx

    1319133632
    dotdashdot [sign in to see picture]
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    That's a very interesting thing to think about. I think my fantasies have changed a lot as I've grown up.

    For some reason when I was a lot younger my fantasies involved being captured and being kept prisoner and as I grew up this fantasy developed into a more sexual thing... I think this was my just my built in personal fantasy/fetish as I had never seen or been involved in anything of the sort (movies, porn, childhood experiences etc).

    However when I got to my mid teens and watched rom coms my fantasies were about finding a boyfriend and lovey dovey sex and the bondage/domination thing faded into the background.

    I became sexually active at 15 and discovered porn at about 16 and a lot of what I found sexually appealing was based on what I saw in porn hence the threesome, lesbian, rough sex fantasies came into being!

    And then Twilight and True Blood came into existance... I don't think I need to say anymore!!

    Anyway, my point is I think that if we have a fetish or a fantasy then it is one that we has most likely always been with us but I also believe that we are heavily influenced by what we see in porn and in some cases we only discover what we like by seeing it!

    For me I think my bondage/domination thing will always remain in my head as I'm too shy/scared/prudish about acting it out for real!

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    ronnie-baby [sign in to see picture]
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    I have always had a thing about being dominated. I am quite a strong person anyway so I suppose it's my way of taking a back seat. But I say being dominated, particularly by someone in a position of authority e.g.policeman. I've always loved the uniform and having been and grown up mainly 'a good girl', I do consider myself to have a 'naughty' streak that not alot of people known about. I also do like the bondage side of it with the handcuffs ect.....

    So not entirely sure on this one if it is my own making or not?!

    xx

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    innocent-on-the-outside [sign in to see picture]
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    i've always had dreams of being the more submissive one in a relationship but i have been heavily influenced by the various e-books i've been reading. i would say its not just what you are eposed to, if you find something interesting you are more likely to try and find/experience more of that ,where as if something discusts you then you will avoid it.

    like ronnie-baby i am percived by friends etc as a 'good girl', i mentioned bellybutton piercing a wile ago an everyone looked so shocked wonder what they would say if i told them i've thought about getting my nipples pierced!

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    CurlyCoupleWife [sign in to see picture]
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    The roots of my fantasies have been in my head for a long, long time. I've had dreams about being tied up & "tortured" and "experimented on" for as long as I can remember (since being a very young child). I don't know what the root of these dreams was but I'm fairly certain that they were concocted by my imagination.

    As I grew older these dreams developed from being subtly sexual to overtly sexual but it was much later that I discovered BDSM erotica and that there was a name for some of my more unusual imaginings.

    The external influences in erotica, pornography and forums have influenced the way I explore these fantasies but the fantasies themselves have been a part of me for forever & predate the internet and my knowledge that sex exists.

    I don't know how "normal" it is for a young child to dream the things I did, but I had a good childhood, these things weren't the result of anything awful having happened to me, it's only now I remember them with an adult mind that I feel disturbed that an infant would dream these things. They were just unusual and interesting dreams, almost nightmares only they didn't scare me.

    Great question Jo.

    CCW x

    1319151890
    smirnoff09 [sign in to see picture]
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    If it was down to my enviroment i would have never had sex ,,,(well the way my mother thought it about I will never know how she had 5 children...she still can;t say the word... it is always you know!!!). Whereas I am open and relaxed about sex and all things related to sx on the whole.

    I thinkitis something that is a mixture of our enviroment, our own feelings, imagination, experinces, situation at thetime.

    I guess I am simply trying to say it is never just one thing...

    My OH tries to tell me he was innocent nad niave before he met me as he never knew you could have sex on any day as well as a Saturday and there is more than 1 position lol

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    Mr Monster [sign in to see picture]
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    My most deepseated desires and fantasies (and fetishes, I suppose!) are definitely inherent.

    In some cases, I developed the love of whatever it is before I was even aware of sex properly. In others I became aware of things that I knew for certain I wouldn't like . . . and then, with the right person, suddenly I did!

    Sure, porn and other websites give me inspiration, but the bulk of what I fantasise about is down to who I am and who I'm with.

    MrMr

    1319184978
    dotdashdot [sign in to see picture]
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    CurlyCoupleWife wrote:

    The roots of my fantasies have been in my head for a long, long time. I've had dreams about being tied up & "tortured" and "experimented on" for as long as I can remember (since being a very young child). I don't know what the root of these dreams was but I'm fairly certain that they were concocted by my imagination.

    As I grew older these dreams developed from being subtly sexual to overtly sexual but it was much later that I discovered BDSM erotica and that there was a name for some of my more unusual imaginings.

    The external influences in erotica, pornography and forums have influenced the way I explore these fantasies but the fantasies themselves have been a part of me for forever & predate the internet and my knowledge that sex exists.

    I don't know how "normal" it is for a young child to dream the things I did, but I had a good childhood, these things weren't the result of anything awful having happened to me, it's only now I remember them with an adult mind that I feel disturbed that an infant would dream these things. They were just unusual and interesting dreams, almost nightmares only they didn't scare me.

    Great question Jo.

    CCW x

    Glad it's not just me who experienced this as a young child! I had a really good childhood too but for as long as I can remember my fantasies involved me being kidnapped/tied up/ kept prisoner and from about the age of 11 these turned into sexual fantasies. Strange!

    1319209685
    atlanta [sign in to see picture]
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    Apart from environmental and nurture factors, yes pretty much my own making.

    1319553657
    Jo [sign in to see picture]
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    I suppose whatever your fantasies are, if you were to be raised and live in a different environment to what you were or are now, both your fantasies and they way you give those real life, would be different.

    For me, it is definitely the case that fantasies feed on the environmental influences: sometimes I have to sternly reject such influences for my own protection ; or quite to the contrary – I find out that there is an actual definition for my long existing fantasy and there are ways I can even improve it and so on.

    What is and what not acceptable in today’s society surely plays its role in one's fantasies. For example, while feeling homosexual two centuries ago may alarm you and cause you to suppress such feelings, nowadays and depending on your particular background and other factors, would probably just be a discovery of who you really are and help you ascertain and assert your own identity.

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