Is having an orgasm always important?

 Orgasm has become less of a focus for me and my partner since we started going out -- to being, he found it difficult to climax from our sex due to nerves and confidence issues; and as a result of that it's never really been the most important part of our sex life!

He loves teasing me, and playing with orgasm denial, so I for me, orgasm is never guaranteed! And even for him, sometimes he's happy just to see me come and not orgasm himself. It depends on our mood and energy levels, but definitely orgasm is not the point of our sex life.

As a lot of people know here - I rarely enjoy orgasming - I'm learning to enjoy it more, but often my muscles contract so much it can be quite painful. So no orgasm is definitely not important for me.

I get more than enough satisfaction from the shared pleasure and I feel all mushy after he's orgasmed and ready for after orgasm snuggles. Me and WandA sorted it all when we first got together and it really took the pressure off - I don't think sex should be goal orientated :)

Adx

 Have to say I no longer need to come all the time, like to make sure my partner comes and she is a little concerned if I don't but there is a limit to how many times a night you can come.

I guess none of us should think of it as the holy grail but just enjoy our partner's body and try and make sure they enjoy us?

I'm starting to realize where orgasm stands for me, as for the first time ever I am finding that I'm not orgasming as easily as I used to be able to due to medication i'm on. I can still orgasm, but it's not as easy. Alternately, i'm finding that it Is becomming easier to get close to orgasms through prostate play.

I think that orgasm is very important to me for masturbation. As for sex, well, I haven't been in a sexual relation for so long I can't really quantify, but I think that for sex it becomes less important because it's more about intimacy than getting to an orgasm. I learned a long time ago now that I can get more sexual pleasure more easily through solo play, but I can't get the same intimacy, closeness or sense of satisfaction of making another person feel good.

For me definitely no. Don't get me wrong, if I can manage to have one, great!! But I have a lot of trouble coming to orgasm anyway so I just like to enjoy the moment instead of worrying about whether or not I come.

Past partners have gotten frustrated if I don't. They either blame themselves/think they did somethng wrong or blame me & tell me I'm frigid.

When actually, I love the sex just as much as the sparkly finish!!

I think as long as both are happy and satisfied it doesn't matter but left feeling like you have not had a full experince can be so frustrating.

I can't remember the last time i did not orgasm so for me it must be important...though this was not always the case.

It is important but it's not the only thing that matters. I think you can still have really good, satisfying sex without having an orgasm.

 I think sex and orgasms are equal in importance and as such I can happily enjoy foreplay/sex without the need to orgasm, also during sex my partner usually has more than one orgasm before I do and I've known myself to stop sex after she has come a few times and I've not which doesn't really bother me, I also have the strange ability to orgasm without actually ejaculating, not sure if anyone else can do this but is kinda cool!

I suppose we're all agreed on saying no, then?

Well, perhaps except from DRA(gon?).

bazcam1981 wrote:

 I think sex and orgasms are equal in importance and as such I can happily enjoy foreplay/sex without the need to orgasm, also during sex my partner usually has more than one orgasm before I do and I've known myself to stop sex after she has come a few times and I've not which doesn't really bother me, I also have the strange ability to orgasm without actually ejaculating, not sure if anyone else can do this but is kinda cool!

 or u say i have to climax before u want to anyway and there good :)

 i dont think u have to orgasm during sex for it to be good i much prefer the build up nad gettin close but hate it when im not allowed to sometimes, i think its important that my partner climaxes not me :)

missuscam wrote:

bazcam1981 wrote:

 I think sex and orgasms are equal in importance and as such I can happily enjoy foreplay/sex without the need to orgasm, also during sex my partner usually has more than one orgasm before I do and I've known myself to stop sex after she has come a few times and I've not which doesn't really bother me, I also have the strange ability to orgasm without actually ejaculating, not sure if anyone else can do this but is kinda cool!

 or u say i have to climax before u want to anyway and there good :)

yea i like it better when you orgasm before I do and I'm not too fussed if I don't come, it keeps me horny and wanting more later anyway!

bazcam1981 wrote:

 

missuscam wrote:

bazcam1981 wrote:

 I think sex and orgasms are equal in importance and as such I can happily enjoy foreplay/sex without the need to orgasm, also during sex my partner usually has more than one orgasm before I do and I've known myself to stop sex after she has come a few times and I've not which doesn't really bother me, I also have the strange ability to orgasm without actually ejaculating, not sure if anyone else can do this but is kinda cool!

 or u say i have to climax before u want to anyway and there good :)

yea i like it better when you orgasm before I do and I'm not too fussed if I don't come, it keeps me horny and wanting more later anyway!

and when we do get more its better like i said i lie the build up and teasing better sometimes :))

I must say, having an orgasm was friggin important to me last night! I was unbelievably horny (grinding on furniture) and got my bloke in the mood too. No penetration as it normally gets me nowhere when I am that horny and in need of an orgasm, and also because it is my time of the month, so tampon stays in! So we masturbated in front of eachother instead.

To cut a long story short, it ended with me being a lot more frustrated than I was to begin with. Oh Joy to Arthritus Pains on my OH!

Was really difficult to explain that I was really frustrated, because his pains made me stop and I couldn't get back in to it at all, and explain why I couldn't orgasm now after stopping, and also explain that it wasn't his fault - it can't be his fault for his pains... and it is hardly his fault that I didn't orgasm quick enough.

Why does sex have to be so difficult! God was surely having a laugh when he made women and diseases!

I'll be making up for it later though... will have my afternoon 'nap'! ("Yes dear, that IS how I snore... sounds a lot like sex noises, but it is really me snoring... honest!")

I answered no, but the fact is we both masturbate to orgasm almost every night before falling asleep.

If we are having a session (with her fisting me) I will feel frustrated if I don't have an orgasm while being fisted. In these sessions I will usually lick her to orgasm.

missuscam wrote:

 i dont think u have to orgasm during sex for it to be good .... i think its important that my partner climaxes not me :)

I agree fullheartedly!

missuscam wrote:

 i dont think u have to orgasm during sex for it to be good i much prefer the build up nad gettin close but hate it when im not allowed to sometimes, i think its important that my partner climaxes not me :)

See for me - I'd hate if my partner thought like that - I find it incredibly difficult to orgasm and half the time don't even like it (due to the previously mentioned strong muscles causing cramp like pains) so my partner's understanding that orgasm really isn't important to me takes the pressure off a lot! I can relax and know that he doesn't care if I don't orgasm - as long as I'm satisfied over all!

Adx

I think it completely depends on the situation; while the vast majority of the time I'd say a resounding no both for male and female orgasm, I think there are certain situations that I have had with other halves where the sole object has been to make each other cum as soon as possible- it's fun!

However, like I, and many of the others on here have said, the vast majority of the time it's all about the entire experience. Sometimes the orgasm can be a manifestation of some absolutely mind-blowing sex, but equally you can have very average sex and still orgasm, just because there isn't that connection between the participants.

Some of the best sex I've had I didn't orgasm, because we've both been wanting it to go on for so long, exploring each other's bodies that we sex ourselves almost to sleep!

Alicia D'amore wrote:

missuscam wrote:

 i dont think u have to orgasm during sex for it to be good i much prefer the build up nad gettin close but hate it when im not allowed to sometimes, i think its important that my partner climaxes not me :)

See for me - I'd hate if my partner thought like that - I find it incredibly difficult to orgasm and half the time don't even like it (due to the previously mentioned strong muscles causing cramp like pains) so my partner's understanding that orgasm really isn't important to me takes the pressure off a lot! I can relax and know that he doesn't care if I don't orgasm - as long as I'm satisfied over all!

Adx

The way I understood 'missuscam' was that she would give preference to her partner's climaxing, not to hers. I feel sexually satisfied just by seeing how my partner enjoys the love making and if  and when she reaches orgasm, as if I have. I do not have to ejaculate in order to feel satisfied. Her pleasure is my pleasure. I think sometimes, that guys like me cannot rape - if I am not desired, I have not interest in having sex at all.

Obviously , in your situation, Adx, if your parner waited for you to orgasm , this may lead to frustration to both of you.

I had a GF, she had similar problems with spasm following an encounter with her first lover.Well, they had tried it and nothing happened, as she was so tense, he could't even penetrate her. When we got together, indeed she was tense at the beginning, but after the  second night, she relaxed fully and for 3 years she enjoyed every bit of it, like a nymphomaniac, having multiple orgasms. I suppose it has to do with how your partner relates to you and predisposes you as well as your own state of mind....

to be honest it is.

during sex with another person it dosen't really matter if they cause it, it's more the intamacy of having them there.