• Masturbation councelling

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    Jo [sign in to see picture]
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    And another thing - it is obvious that you and your wife have not lost attaraction towards each other. She likes your body.

    It looks like she wouldn't want to have sex with another after all. All she wants is to feel horny in your presence while you are watching, so her fantazy of having sex with another man, may be interpreted as rather being very horny while having sex with you, but in a way that you observe her arousal from the distance. You may try poses like doggy style in front of a mirror...

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    Lozza332000 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi all.

    Thanks for thaking the time to post your thoughts.

    Self control seems to be a really problem. I am still masturbating 2 or 3 times a day even when I know I could have a session with my oh. I don't know why or what it is that makes me want to be that way. There is really no reason for it.

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    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi,

    I think it may be the habbit of masturbation why you choose masturbation over your oh. I think this may change over time when you gain more control. Sex with another person is about many more things than just release which is why I prefer it, although I do masturbate, being in long distance relationship.

    As for the 2-3times a day, is it less than it used to be? Do you feel like you have better control now? if so, I would not be as worried about still doing it, but be glad I am making small progress.

    Also 2-3 times a day is not sometimes abnormal, did happen to me when I was particularly horny, although this may not be the case for you currently.

    Also wondering if the use of lube (hope you use it now every time) helped with some of the soreness?

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    Lozza332000 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Laveila

    Sorry I didn't reply until now. Nothing has really changed very much although my attitude to masturbation changes all the time. At the moment I don't really see it as a problem although it is clear I have no self control. In a weeks time I may swing again and think its too much and needs to stop.

    I didn't post before because we kind of got thrown out of the counseling. On the day back in October there was an odd mood in our counseling session. I had masturbated on the train the day before and my wife was disgusted with me. The session was around this act and as neither my wife or the counselor seemed to be on the same page as me I was very guarded and defensive. Really we should not have gone any further but I seemed to get bombarded with questions like why did you do it, do you know you can get a criminal record if you get caught etc... In the end the counselor said we as a couple were beyond help and not to come back. I must admit it was my fault because after about 45 minutes of these questions, the counselor said why would I not want to spend the time with my wife. I snapped and the last thing I said was "well, she clearly isn't a very nice person to be around". That was the end of the session. While I know I was wrong to say that, in my mind the counselor was wrong because she was clearly coming across as my wifes buddy rather than a neutral counselor and i was just backed into a corner. Even my wife suggested we log a complaint but I am ashamed about having this on my health record as it is without adding to that.

    So we are 3 months on and I have not had sex or even spoken about it with my OH, although masturbation happens at least twice a day. I clumsily approached the subject the other night and she just left the room. Because I get this reaction I don't really see the need to stop masturbating as its the only sexual outlet I get at the moment and I want to be very sexually active. We seem to be on a really unhealthy path at the moment where we both know it goes on but we don't discuss it or share it.

    I still lack self control and one normal example is the other day when I was listening in on a conference call. I had an erection for no real reason which I was holding but not masturbating ( I was at home at the time). By the end of the call I had started to masturbate and had ejaculated, but hadn't stopped handling myself as the erection remained.

    I do quite often get erections and it would be unusual not to masturbate at least twice a day. I have changed masturbation habits, some times i will masturbate up to the point of ejaculation and then stop, let it subside again and then restart. I find with my circumcised penis and the two or three hours it takes to ejaculate using this method makes orgasms more enjoyable and intense. Because I am still trying to hide my masturbation the use of lube has reduced. You can't really hide what you are doing with a sticky hand. This is bad because I know I need lube.

    I am not sure where to go from here. I need to get some sort of handle on it but then I wonder why bother. I am home alone today and have been masturbating on and off for hours now. One thing I don't like is my use of watching porn. Not because I have it, I think that is perfectly normal, but because I cant just put one film on and watch it. Instead I channel hop between movies which can disrupt the mood and just extend the session. I think this is one thing I would like to address but now I don't have a counselor I am not sure how to do it. I also need to delete movies but I seem to hoard them. This is probably the most important thing to address. The counselor had picked up on it and made me describe the types of movies I watch but we didn't really take this line of questioning anywhere.

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    ukwanker [sign in to see picture]
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    I had masturbation counselling a few years ago. I still masturbate for many hours a day.

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    Dick Dastardly [sign in to see picture]
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    Was the counselling any help UK?

    Are you still doing your 8 hours marathan sessions?

    Bet youve got massive guns on your right arm!!!!!

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    ukwanker [sign in to see picture]
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    Dick Dastardly wrote:

    Was the counselling any help UK?

    Are you still doing your 8 hours marathan sessions?

    Bet youve got massive guns on your right arm!!!!!

    It was no help at all. I still have marathon masturbation sessions. Edging

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    I dont want to appear to be a kill joy but talk of masturbation in public places is a bit "off". You cant have control of who may see you, it maybe a policeman or it maybe a small child who could be traumatised for life, time to smell the coffee I think.

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    Ecksvie [sign in to see picture]
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    gunther wrote:

    I dont want to appear to be a kill joy but talk of masturbation in public places is a bit "off". You cant have control of who may see you, it maybe a policeman or it maybe a small child who could be traumatised for life, time to smell the coffee I think.

    I don't think "killjoy" is an appropriate word - Lozza is aware he has a problem and is trying to deal with it. Not saying masturbating in public is a good thing to do, but this post came across as a bit unsupportive and unhelpful.

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    [suspended user]

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    Ecksvie I am sorry you feel that way, but as a father I would be very unsupportive and unhelpful if my daughter happened upon a guy playing with himself in public. What happens between consenting adults is a matter of their choice, the public includes children who are not consenting or adults. Masturbating in public is a serious criminal offense...GET A GRIP ON REALITY PLEASE.

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    Leon Bellmont [sign in to see picture]
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    This may have been mentioned before but what about a chastity belt, just for the purposes of regulation. If you are not able to masterbate when you feel the urge it may help to deal with you're stress in a diferent way.

    As the others say you two are still atracted to each other and although my suggestion is a little extreme it is another way to go.

    Hope I havn't said anything offensive which was not my intention and good luck Lozza332000

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    Lozza332000 [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks for your replies. I don't normally use the web for things and I hoped this site might be some sort of confidant as my counselling was failing and I really want to sort my problems out. Just being able to bounce feelings of strangers helps a lot. So thank you for the supportive element of this community.

    I wonder why I was attacked for admitting I felt I was disgusting for my habit and yet a thread titled "sex outdoors" was left alone. If I could control myself I really would and being an addict can be hard to deal with when you know people see you the way they do. I told my wife, her close friends, everyone on here and I have told many heathcare professionals. The most recent professional could refer this case to the police if she really wished. (I singed a criminal act form allowing the counsellor to refer anything dangerous or illegal if she thought it was a risk to the community.)

    To try to defend something that is really indefensible the train I masturbated on was made up of two carriages going across a long stretch of country side (15 minutes between stops) I was the only passenger. The driver was the guard, ticket collector, cleaner and signal man. As he was the only other person I had seen and as the train was moving I assumed he was busy. You can never say never but in my opinion the odds were in my favour that there was no chance of being caught and I have never done anything where I thought there was a possibility of getting caught. Its about relief not danger.

    I am fully aware of what could happen if caught and I also know the damage it would do if I was. The affects of having a record would destroy years of working and helping others. The cost is too high to count.

    I normally feel dirty, cheap and a disgrace because of my habit so I am grateful someone has reinforced those feelings. I have tired to get help, I have told many people what is wrong. All I would say is that if you feel you can judge me then you have every right and I clearly respect your views because lets face it, they are right. But before you do judge me take a look at your score in the "The Kink Test!" thread and wonder if we really are that different.

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    Leon Bellmont [sign in to see picture]
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    I agree with illumine. I don't judge you for what you do only for who you are and you sound like a good person. I have my own masterbation habbit, I have never done it out doors, (the kinkiest place is probably my mums old office building) but since I was around 17 I have masterbated at least once a day. It just feels good to get all the stresses and strains out of you're system.

    You say when you do it you feel dirty and cheap. Mabey it would be bennafitial if you try to change you're mindset when you masturbate.

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