• Advice needed

    1314820205
    Liam8 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 4
    • Joined: 24 Aug 2011

    Dear all,

    About a year ago I walked out of an emotional, verbal and physically abusive relationship, where just about everything was used as a weapon. I was constantly told I was a bad lover and this has affected me deeply. So much so sex became a torrid and difficult experience which has left me with very little confidence and almost a fear of pleasure and intimacy.

    I’m now looking forward to new relationships but have found with my confidence lacking that even the thought of being intimate with someone is still holds scary and uncomfortable feelings.

    Any advice would be gratefully received

    Many Thanks

    1314820515
    healerwhore [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
    • Posts: 97
    • Joined: 20 Jan 2011

    Best guess for me is that a bit of councilling might be helpful to ya, but i wouldn't know where to link you to i'm afraid. One of the other guys/gals will likely know better than i.

    1314820815
    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2177
    • Joined: 8 Nov 2010

    Hello,

    Iam sorry for your bad experience. I personally think you should see professional help. That made me get over it. It can take otherwise very long time to overcome it. Otherwise slowly opening to people could help. But not sure what else.

    Good luck.

    1314821243
    Pixie_Murree [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 259
    • Joined: 3 Feb 2011

    When I left my previous abusive relationship it took along time for me to open up to my new partner and then even after a few years my confidence seem to disappear again. I agree that some councilling may help.

    If you dont want to take that route I'd suggest taking some time for yourself and almost re-learn about yourself (sexually, physically and mentally) and then take it slowly with any new partner xx

    1314821427
    totallylamb [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 71
    • Joined: 16 May 2011

    Hi, sorry to hear about what you went through. I volunteer at an anxitety charity and some of the organisations we use may be able to offer support. The ones that I can think of off the top of my head are mankind, respect and victim support. I know there are others too so I'd recommend the one which appeals to you most.

    Hope this helps

    x x x

    1314821607
    HellsBells72 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 91
    • Joined: 29 Sep 2010

    I pretty much had a very similar experience in my marriage (now divorced),

    Shortly after i left my ex husband I dated someone who gave me back the confidence that had been stripped away from me over 10 years, and it didn't take long for me to realise that not only do i enjoy sex, i'm pretty damn good at it and I have needs that I have to succumb to.

    I'm not with him anymore - he broke my heart and it took me a long time to get over him (no time to get over my husband, but such a long time to get over my ex after my husband) but I took a lot from that relationship personally - he gave me self-confidence in the bedroom (or any other room for that matter) to be able to see sex as an enjoyable experience.

    I'm not saying jump into bed with the first person you meet, but it kinda worked for me.

    1314834293
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 3434
    • Joined: 2 Feb 2008

    I'm sorry you've had such a horrible time of things. I agree you should definitely seek some professional guidance. But in the meantime - tell yourself every morning that you deserve pleasure and happines....eventually you'll come to believe it because it's true :)

    Pixie_Murree wrote:

    If you dont want to take that route I'd suggest taking some time for yourself and almost re-learn about yourself (sexually, physically and mentally) and then take it slowly with any new partner xx

    And this is excellent advice. Whilst I can see how HB's situation played out well for her it is something that you have to go with your instincts (which you may not trust right now but you will learn to again) because whilst men who can build you confidence in that way exist (and plenty of them) you could end up with a partner who doesn't have the patience and your confidence would take an even harder knock. So focusing on yourself for now and building up to new partners once you feel you can trust your instincts again *might* be a little safer.

    Even if that all goes out the window if a new man comes along and you see instantly he would work :P

    Adx

    1314998204
    Liam8 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 4
    • Joined: 24 Aug 2011

    Hello all,

    Many many thanks for the replies, I have contacted Mankind who have put me in touch with a Male Domestic Violence support group in my area.

    Onwards and upwards

    many many thanks again

    1314998549
    totallylamb [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 71
    • Joined: 16 May 2011

    Thats great new! I really hope its what your looking for!

    x x x

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