• Help and advice on a possible over reaction from my oh

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    Blue Sapphire [sign in to see picture]
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    BP - I really hope your oh comes round soon, I dont think you have anything to feel bad or embarrassed about.

    1313617628
    jjmmjj [sign in to see picture]
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    Coudos is all that I can offer... Well that passed 5 hours or so

    1313617735
    jjmmjj [sign in to see picture]
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    No it was more the fact it had built up all day... I was just kidding around

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    jjmmjj [sign in to see picture]
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    Sorry why?

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    jjmmjj [sign in to see picture]
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    Back to point, as good as it is that you all seem
    to think that it's not a big deal I still have one person still to convince

    1313618791
    jjmmjj [sign in to see picture]
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    But thank you all for your help today

    1313618840
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    I think it's unfair of your partner to pile that guilt on to you.

    I also think masturbation is perfectly natural and masturbating over celebrities is nothing.

    But she obviously is upset about it and maybe you just need to reassure her.

    Though I don't think you should say "I'll never masturbate" or "I'll never masturbate over celebrities" because I don't think that's reasonable. Your sexuality is your own - you gift parts of it to your partner when you get in a committed relationship but that doesn't mean she has a right to the rest of your sexuality. Just like she would never tell you what you can and can't think about - she only has the right to impact on what you wank over is if it directly disrespects or hurts herself or other people (which your choice of material doesn't!).

    But of course it's certainly very fair to be sensitive to fer feelings (and she should be sensitive to yours too - you've done nothing wrong yet she's making you feel guilty) and its fair for her to ask you to be sensitive to them in the future (keep wanking private if that's what she wants for example).

    Other than that, everyone else has got it pretty much covered :) good luck

    Adx

    PS - there's a great thread on the acceptability of men using porn as wank material that may have some POVs that you find useful :)

    1313619093
    BigPoppa [sign in to see picture]
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    Very well expressed Alicia

    Good luck. I hope the storm blows over soon.

    Btw I'm with you on your choice of ' reading material '. She's rather fine.

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    jjmmjj [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks AD

    the whole thing did come as a suprise though as she has never expresses any problem with it before.. ( have to say also we have a good sex life, it's not like I'm obsessed with masturbation, but it's part of life I thought, on both sides, but maybe not) as for keeping it hidden, she was meant to be 200 miles away lol, but to be fair I never have done it so she would be aware

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    BigPoppa [sign in to see picture]
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    Masturbation shouldn't have to stop because your in a relationship at all. It usually is part of life on both sides. It's a different side to sexuality and is wonderfully selfish and carefree.

    Are you any closer to understanding what went wrong?

    1313654371
    jjmmjj [sign in to see picture]
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    Not yet mate, she had a rubbish day at work yesterday and when she got in she clearly wasn't in the mood for that chat, so I ran her a bath and made dinner and thought I'd leave it for last night. She is off today though so I'm doing the appointments this morning I can't put off and then taking the afternoon off with a view to trying to get it sorted then

    1313654724
    Big Dickie [sign in to see picture]
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    Good luck jjmmjj the only way to sort this out is sit her down and talk about it, we all masturbate and she has to accept that, personally my missus loves to watch me and i love to watch her but evryone is different i suppose! Good Luck let us all know how you get on!

    1313657975
    BigPoppa [sign in to see picture]
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    Hope it goes well and remember that you did nothing wrong.

    1313668597
    SweetSubmission [sign in to see picture]
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    Alicia D'amore wrote:

    I think it's unfair of your partner to pile that guilt on to you.

    I also think masturbation is perfectly natural and masturbating over celebrities is nothing.

    But she obviously is upset about it and maybe you just need to reassure her.

    Though I don't think you should say "I'll never masturbate" or "I'll never masturbate over celebrities" because I don't think that's reasonable. Your sexuality is your own - you gift parts of it to your partner when you get in a committed relationship but that doesn't mean she has a right to the rest of your sexuality. Just like she would never tell you what you can and can't think about - she only has the right to impact on what you wank over is if it directly disrespects or hurts herself or other people (which your choice of material doesn't!).

    But of course it's certainly very fair to be sensitive to fer feelings (and she should be sensitive to yours too - you've done nothing wrong yet she's making you feel guilty) and its fair for her to ask you to be sensitive to them in the future (keep wanking private if that's what she wants for example).

    Other than that, everyone else has got it pretty much covered :) good luck

    Adx

    PS - there's a great thread on the acceptability of men using porn as wank material that may have some POVs that you find useful :)

    Beautifully put as always Ad. I agree completely - I'd just add these two thoughts:

    1) Might it have made a difference that it was her magazine and not yours? There's something psychologically different about it. I'm finding it hard to articulate what I mean, but I can imagine some people having a reaction along the lines of "right, so you weren't thinking about me but you were using my stuff to get you off?" and being miffed.

    2) Could it be because she was dressed? I don't mind my fella watching porn at all, but if he was masturbating over an image of a woman which wasn't overtly sexual, I think I'd feel more threatened by that, because it suggests more of an attachment of some kind to the individual ion the picture than simply being aroused by a sexy image.

    I do think her behaviour is disproportionate and unreasonable - it's absolutely fine to feel upset by something if that's your honest reaction, it's not fine to sulk about it without explaining what the problem really is, and to bear a grudge to punish your partner. She has to level with you.

    SS xx

    1313672328
    sharry [sign in to see picture]
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    It does sound like an over reaction.

    One thing that popped into my mind was does Kirsty Gallagher look like one of your exes?Maybe she thought that you were thinking of her if it was?

    Maybe as SS says it's the fact that she's dressed that got to her, it's a more 'involved' fantasy to wank to than if it was a nude/porn pic. I understand what she means about the fact that the mag was your OH's as well.

    I know logically that wanking to men is a form of release. However, sometimes it seems that no matter how much sex you have they're never satisfied, that perhaps you aren't satisfying him and then the self esteem issue raises it's head. You mentioned she'd been away a few days. Her coming home early was, I'm sure, meant to be a nice surprise but was spoiled by the situation. I can understand her being angry and upset at the time but it seems to me she should have gotten over it by now.

    All you can do is try and talk it through. Without knowing the reason for her reaction it's difficult for you to come up with a solution.

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    Janny [sign in to see picture]
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    Where is the problem? If I came home and found my girlfriend naked on the bed masturbating, while looking at a photo off, say, Brad Pitt or whoever - I would be massively turned on. And I would finish the job Brad started....

    1313955046
    jjmmjj [sign in to see picture]
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    conversation had by the way folks, thanks for all your help

    1313956297
    rach74 [sign in to see picture]
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    so whats happenend then?

    1313957261
    BigPoppa [sign in to see picture]
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    Yeh come on you can't leave it like that surely?!

    1314570167
    Americana22 [sign in to see picture]
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    Her feelings are hurt I'm sure. You essentially have 2 kinds of people in this situation. Those that are comforted by the fact that we average Joes will never get a shot at Jessica Alba and thus it doesn't bother her to catch us wanking it to her. Then there is the other type, the ones that believe in true love, and that like to think they are their lovers fantasy, and that their partner is monogamous with them, even mentally/emotionally/spiritually/whatever I think you see where I"m going. :-)

    My wife and I are a type 2, she doesn't masturbate unless it's mutual with me (and I generally don't either) and we both like to believe that we don't fantasize about other people. And I typically don't so I like to think she is the same way. (even after a decade of marriage my wife is more than enough turn on for me, I fantasize about her frequently during the day and when we make time to have sex it's always a "big event" or special moment.)

    Despite what you and your partner have "admitted" too, I'm sure your OH probably liked living under the notion or fantasy that if you do masturbate you do it with her in mind and now she's a little jealous/heart broken.

    Do tell us how this has turned out for you.

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