• my first time - any advice?

    1313252049
    fizzy [sign in to see picture]
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    kunoichi wrote:

    fizzy wrote:

    hi and welcome to the forum

    i hope it goes well for you and you enjoy the new experince

    Thanks.

    your welcome!

    1313253679
    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
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    kunoichi wrote:

    Another question, if the forum doesn't mind:

    I have weak knee joints. I think I've figured out how to deal with them during missionary sex, since I masturbate in what would be missionary position if there was anyone else involved , but could anybody give me any tips?

    I've already told my oh about another disability I have, and he was fine with it, so I'm not that worried* that he'll react badly...I'm just a little unsure how to bring this up too.

    *well, okay. I do worry that he will decide I'm too much work to bother with, which would hurt quite a lot.

    Ig he is not ok with your disabilities, then he is not the right partner for you. This is what I think. I have my own health issues and so do other members round here and he should accept you as you are if he really wants to be with you. So I guess tell him.

    Unfortunately I cannot give you any tips, as I dont face the same problem with weak joints.

    1313254502
    Pixieking [sign in to see picture]
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    There are a lot of things you can do if you have weaker joints. It's a fact of life that if you intend to still be having sex when you're older then everyone is going to need to learn the tricks anyway. =)

    If you don't mind i'll give you a link to a youtube video about positions ect. It's from a sexuality educator called Dr Ruthie who is pretty famous and I really, really love her videos.

    Part one. http://www.youtube.com/user/ExploringIntimacy#p/u/75/cWQE5FR0zgE

    Part two. http://www.youtube.com/user/ExploringIntimacy#p/u/73/-QJ-j1CcB_Q

    1313256130
    kunoichi [sign in to see picture]
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    Pixieking wrote:

    There are a lot of things you can do if you have weaker joints. It's a fact of life that if you intend to still be having sex when you're older then everyone is going to need to learn the tricks anyway. =)

    hee!

    If you don't mind i'll give you a link to a youtube video about positions ect. It's from a sexuality educator called Dr Ruthie who is pretty famous and I really, really love her videos.

    Part one. http://www.youtube.com/user/ExploringIntimacy#p/u/75/cWQE5FR0zgE

    Part two. http://www.youtube.com/user/ExploringIntimacy#p/u/73/-QJ-j1CcB_Q

    Thank you very very much! These are helpful!

    1313360578
    kunoichi [sign in to see picture]
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    It seems an odd question, but should I keep a toy (vibrator) handy?

    I don't know if that might come across as too eager lol

    1313361985
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    kunoichi wrote:

    Another question, if the forum doesn't mind:

    I have weak knee joints. I think I've figured out how to deal with them during missionary sex, since I masturbate in what would be missionary position if there was anyone else involved , but could anybody give me any tips?

    I've already told my oh about another disability I have, and he was fine with it, so I'm not that worried* that he'll react badly...I'm just a little unsure how to bring this up too.

    *well, okay. I do worry that he will decide I'm too much work to bother with, which would hurt quite a lot.

    A few things

    1) I know it's difficult not to worry, but he seems understanding and as Laveila said if he's a good partner he will understand and accept you for who you are.

    2) Accepting and acknowledging any difficulties is more beneficial so well done. The benefit is that you can make some slight adjustments and maintain a good sex life :)

    3) I have many joint problems and so do a few members it was written quite a bit here: http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/forums/sex-tips-and-talk/121651-love-sex-advice-sought-from-veterans-pain/ so you might find this thread useful :)

    Feel free to bump that thread if you have extra questions too - lots of helpful people here :)

    Adx

    1313362170
    kunoichi [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks, Adx!

    1313363449
    man of pleasure [sign in to see picture]
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    Leave the toys for your first sexual experience, lie back have faith in your partner let him lead you till you find confidence to try things and make it happen soon if you are ready.

    dont be nervous

    kunoichi wrote:

    It seems an odd question, but should I keep a toy (vibrator) handy?

    I don't know if that might come across as too eager lol

    1313420358
    kunoichi [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks!

    1313422559
    BigPoppa [sign in to see picture]
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    Do you suffer a lot with vaginal dryness?

    If not I'm going to go against the grain here and suggest you find out for yourself what it's like in it purest form just you and him and nothing else. The earth may not move , you might bleed as your hymen breaks ( have a towel under your bum I'd suggest ) and I'd say don't expect to cum. If you don't you won't worry if you do then awesome! Neither me nor my partner came the first time we lost our virginity together but it was an amazing thing to share and doing it all naturally gets you to know what works well on each other without toys etc.

    Relax and enjoy. You can only lose it once!

    1313422770
    Despina Rose [sign in to see picture]
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    I first used a slim vibrator when I was about 15, before I had sex.

    I actually tore my hymen then and it bleed a little, didn't hurt much.

    When I came to have sex, it expanded me and felt a bit like a small elastic band ping, not that painful but didn't bleed at all.

    I am actually glad I did it this way, I was more experienced in my sexual tastes and it didn't hurt that much or bleed at all.

    I had a pleasent experience during sex which was not filled with pain or anything.

    Good luck.

    1313423347
    BigPoppa [sign in to see picture]
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    It didn't seem to hurt her much just a slight thing when it went but it didn't stop the flow of things at all. Sorry I'm not wanting to put a downer on things just maybe be realistic? Perhaps some people have earth shattering sex the first time! All I know is get better and better the more you practice.

    Agree that you could try breaking your own hymen with a toy and at least that's a worry out of the way.

    Just try and enjoy it together. If you get nice and wet just the two of you then you know your doing something right!

    Think about condoms unless your 100% confident he's a virgin as well and your on the pill etc already. From what I've heard something like 1 in 10 under 35's have chlamydia now.

    1313425844
    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
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    Oh she does not need to use condoms. All he needs to do is get tested. Most people I know do it when entering long term relationship, to make sure we are healthy and we will not endanger the other partner.

    As for chlamydia, they can also transmit through the air (Chlamydie pneumoniae and Chlamydie psittaci transmit mainly that way), or by just contact with infected person, just lke flue can. Only Chlamydie trachoma actually is transmitted sexually. I remember someone saying that actually about 80-90% of adults are infected in some form, but majority does not show any real signs of the infection. So even if you and your partner are not cheating on each other and virgins, the chlamydia may still be inside your body in some form.

    1313427167
    BigPoppa [sign in to see picture]
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    Why then do you think there is a national drive to cut the rate of infection down? There are testing packs available in all GP surgeries and often they available in a wide range of locations like universities etc

    A quick google search brought the following

    Www.nhs.UK/conditions/chlamydia

    See the section on rates of infection.

    I don't think it's something to be off handed ( it's often causes no symptoms but can leave some women unable to have children ) about but agree if you get tested together then as long as contraception is taken care of then condoms are less essential.

    It's only the sexual form of it you should consider in my opinion.

    Sorry but sex needs to be safe as well as fun...

    1313428508
    Despina Rose [sign in to see picture]
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    I do have to agree, I used condoms with my OH for best part of a year before we stopped using them and went onto non-barrier methods.

    Especially in a first relationship it is better to use barrier methods, there is trust to consider and taking the pill (if it is the pill) at the right time. You can get tested, but that will only show what you both have at the moment, I am not suggesting that you should or are going to have sex with other people but there still is a risk, there are cases of people who are married getting a std of their partner who has been having sex with others. You are having sex with not only that person but every person that they have had sex with.

    1313429123
    kunoichi [sign in to see picture]
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    I can't take the pill, for various reasons, so yes, I will be using condoms. That is why I quite liked AA's idea of handing my oh a wrapped box of condoms!

    1313429534
    Pixieking [sign in to see picture]
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    I would still recommend anyone having sex for the first six months to use condoms as well as other birth controll methods simply because it is possible to catch an STD from non-sexual encounters, and also it can take up to six months for certain STDs to show up in your system to testable levels.

    Not only that, but for some people, hormonal birth control doesn't work for them, and they only find out when they get pregnant.

    1313431345
    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
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    BigPoppa wrote:

    Why then do you think there is a national drive to cut the rate of infection down? There are testing packs available in all GP surgeries and often they available in a wide range of locations like universities etc

    A quick google search brought the following

    Www.nhs.UK/conditions/chlamydia

    See the section on rates of infection.

    I don't think it's something to be off handed ( it's often causes no symptoms but can leave some women unable to have children ) about but agree if you get tested together then as long as contraception is taken care of then condoms are less essential.

    It's only the sexual form of it you should consider in my opinion.

    Sorry but sex needs to be safe as well as fun...

    I did not say it is not serious. On the other hand it does not say anythign on the other infections by chlamydia, which are not sexually transmitted but noone really talks about them!

    As for considering only the sexual... you are very wrong! The others go after lungs and can cause serious damage to them, as well as to nerves system.

    Btw. I got tested, my partner got tested, so I do have safe sex and I know the risks. I did not say it should not be safe, but just said that condom may not be needed if precaution was taken care off by getting yourself tested on all sexually transmitted diseases, which is what we did (he was single for a year,I was for over 2 and did the test after the breaking up so we did have time to be really really sure we are clean when tested).

    1313431697
    BigPoppa [sign in to see picture]
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    Well I guess we agree on a lot then but to me what you said came across a little flippant. Perhaps just my interpretation.

    I stick by my statement about other forms of chlamydia. They may be dangerous but I suspect they are damned rare that they cause clinical disease but I'd be most interested to know otherwise if you know these bacteria well.

    1313431965
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    I think the reason we focus on the STI form of chlamydia (I know nothing about other forms) in threads like this is because that is what's of concern. When having sex, we don't need to consider the catching of the common cold (for example) anymore than we would in normal day to day life (but bearing in mind that the exchanging of fluids increases the risk of many infections) but when having sex the risk of catching STIs is increased and therefore *extra* consideration needs to be taken.

    Other forms of chlamydia may or may not be important to be careful of just like any infection but only the STI form is sexually transmitted.

    Pixieking raises a very valid point. Early in a relationship - especially if someone has just come out of a relationship - you should use a barrier method because of the undetectable incubation phases of some infections. And also because whilst you may trust your partner - they may not tell you their whole sexual history, because they're embarrassed or decide it's irrelevant to the new relationship and you should therefore take extra precaution - what they decide is irrelevant actually could be quite important if they don't fully understand infection transmission and you would be none the wiser.

    It's definitely worth using condoms at the beginning of every sexual relationship. But it's not a substitute for getting tested either!

    Adx

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