• my first time - any advice?

    1313012323
    kunoichi [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi there! This is my first time writing on the forum, and I feel slightly awkward trying to find a way to say this

    I've been in a relationship (with a man (since this might change the advice)) since December of last year. I've never had sex before....I'm quite nervous about my first time. I would like it to be with him, but I don't know how to bring it up, and I am nervous about it!

    I do know what turns me on (thanks, lovehoney!), but the whole idea of losing my virginity is scary and exciting at the same time, and I want it to be a good experience.

    Do people on here have any advice?

    1313013528
    sweetlove666 [sign in to see picture]
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    telling him would be the best tbh.
    Investing in a good water based lube might be helpful but remember it isnt a substitute for getting proprerly turned on. Take plenty of time on foreplay and try to tell or show him how you like To be touched.
    Being on top means you can control the penetration at the speed you are comfortable with,but communication with your OH will help in other positions.
    Most importantly relax and enjoy!

    1313013979
    Ellipsis [sign in to see picture]
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    Indeed, he needs to know so as to approach things correctly, rather than assume you're not a virgin and he just tries to plug in and do the hammer and tongs thing that can often mark a first encounter between any two people new to each other as sexual partners.

    As above, both take your time and he'll need to exercise patience (it really won't kill him..) and when you're at ease and feel as relaxed and aroused (both mentally and physically) as you possibly can - then just take him in hand and guide him in at a pace and depth YOU are comfortable with.

    I'll leave it to actual women to comment as to what happens next as I've never taken anyone's virginity and I'm sure they'll be far more helpful.

    Otherwise, good luck and I hope you enjoy it as much as you can. Then the fun stuff can start and the whole wide world of sex is there for the taking.

    1313018024
    sam [sign in to see picture]
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    i agree, you need to talk to him and explain how you feel, this way he is fully aware. I wouldn't rush straight into intercourse, light a few candles and just enjoy fore play, that way you can be relaxed and you will get to know each others body. Once you are fully relaxed and happy to move onto intercourse (doesn't necessarily have to be on the same day as you explore your partner, could be a few days later or even weeks depending on how you feel) Use a good lube and be incontroll, take your time and have fun.

    1313019797
    ghostgirl [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi and welcome to the forums, as already said you need to talk to him and be honest about wanting to but being scared. You havent said if he is experienced or not, but you may find he is feeling the same way

    Good luck

    xGGx

    1313021169
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    Hello and welcome to the forums! Don't feel awkward - we're a friendly, non-judgemental bunch, takes a bit of getting used to - being so open with something so personal but you'll never get a negative response here so don't worry!

    Good advice above from the others.

    Take your time, use plenty of lube, have a nice long, relaxing build up with loads of foreplay (maybe have an orgasm first to relax you), candles definitely, make sure the room is nice and warm and relaxed, maybe some calm music and dim lights to help you relax. If you have any small toys to use before hand you can maybe gauge whether it'll be painful for you and prepare for that? I found it very painful and my OH wasn't prepared for the amount of pain I had (let me warn you - I have a medical condition meaning my pain is increased so don't let my story worry you many people have no pain at all and even my pain was totally worth it for the intimacy and pleasure involved - it still felt great) - poor thing looked so concerned. But if you know it might be painful because you've tried a toy you can warn your partner and give him some tips.

    If you have sex in missionary position it's important he braces himself well to prevent slipping. Make sure he takes entry very, very slowly and gently and maybe tell him you'll give him a firm tap on the back if he needs to just pause and hold still for a moment before you continue (me and my OH still do this now) and when he's all the way in, just lay there together for a few moments to let your vagina adjust to him being there before continuing.

    Remember it doesn't have to last forever - if it is a little painful (and for many women losing their virginity isn't painful at all) then stop whenever you feel you've had enough and any more may detract from the enjoyment. My OH didn't orgasm inside me for the first several times we had penetrative sex and that's fine - it's another special thing to share later down the line!

    As for bringing it up - the fact that you're not sure how to, suggests he's giving you plenty of space to decide to lose your virginity in your own time. It's good to know that he's respectful and prepared to wait. It's also likely that he will be very respectful however you bring it up so try not to worry. Maybe have a nice meal, glass of wine (not too much if you're planning sex that night as it can cause male erectile difficulties and women may find it harder to get aroused enough for sex) and give him a nicely wrapped box of condoms? Tell him, you think you're ready and in his own time, he has permission to "try it on" so to speak (maybe put it more romantically than that :P).

    I've heard some people have said it's best not to plan it so you don't worry about it - and worrying is bad - it makes the muscles tense! But we planned it and I liked that - I could mentally and physically prepare, but I knew I could change my mind at any time (and in fact he asked several times before we began "are you sure" just in case) we actually did it the day before planned because I couldn't wait but that was because I felt mentally and physically ready to go for it because I'd thought it over so many times.

    Good luck :)

    And welcome again to the forums!

    Adx

    1313021256
    GingerConcubine [sign in to see picture]
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    I agree telling him is the way forward. Although I wasn't sure I was going to, I told the guy I lost my virginity to the week before. He was very gentle, and not pushy (it was me who iniated it) and made sure that I knew that that was what I wanted. Much better than him not knowing.

    1313066249
    sharry [sign in to see picture]
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    Great advice above so can't really add anything. You never know, he might be a virgin as well. I agree, tell him, don't rush it and make sure you're both really turned on.

    1313081458
    kunoichi [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks for the welcome everyone!

    Everyone's advice is really helpful, thanks!

    I think it would be a nice idea to plan it (honestly, the idea is turning me on a little *cough*) so I think when we get round to having the sex conversation, it might be nice to have a wee chat about that!

    Hm....I've tried to use a dildo on myself, and come up against what feels like a thin layer of skin. I'm assuming that this is my hymen? It is quite painful to press against. I've thought about breaking my own hymen - it would be one less thing to worry about.

    Another question, and I know this sounds a bit odd: should 'the event' (lol) take place in a hotel room or in one of our bedrooms? There are pros and cons to each one - I might feel psychologically more comfortable in my bedroom, for example, but it might be a nice memory for both of us if we make an event of it, and have a hotel room as well as the nice dinner (I don't drink, for the record, so that won't be a problem AA )

    1313083479
    rose hip [sign in to see picture]
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    Do what makes you feel the most comfortable.

    There's a lot to be said for your own bedroom, especially if you have the place to yourselves. The first experience of intercourse in each relationship can be a profoundly intimate experience. With a hotel, you have to create that space between the two of you. In your bedroom, you're bringing him into your space before you bring him into your body.

    And a man getting ready to have a new lover in his can be so sweet, even if it is expressed primarily through the medium of clean bedding. ;-)

    1313085443
    shellyboo [sign in to see picture]
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    I think you'd be more comfortable in your own space, your own clothes, shower, cleaning stuff... best minimise the risk of feel awkward or uncomfortable so you can really enjoy the experience!

    1313090101
    Pixieking [sign in to see picture]
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    Everyone has given really great advice so there isn't very much for me to add, other than to say that don't be too concerned with things being "perfect" because perfect sex doesn't really exist. =P

    There is nothing to say that it wont go really well, but if you have a few hicoughs or things start to go a bit down hill, try not to stress about it. There may be a feeling that this is the single big event and it'll spoil the memory if it turns out to be not what you expected, but there will be other chances, and this is just the first of something you can build and improve and love. =)

    1313093826
    sexy little minx [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi and welcome to the forums.

    Great advice from everyone so not really anything I can add. Just take things at your own pace. x

    1313095251
    kunoichi [sign in to see picture]
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    shellyboo wrote:

    I think you'd be more comfortable in your own space, your own clothes, shower, cleaning stuff... best minimise the risk of feel awkward or uncomfortable so you can really enjoy the experience!

    Well, I think I'll feel uncomfortable anyway (I'll probably feel like I have a neon sign above my head saying "ex-virgin!!!!!!" ), and I'm quite liking the idea of a hotel room - I'll have to see what my oh's opinion is :-)

    (just as an aside - why are the smileys disappearing?)

    1313096059
    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
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    kunoichi wrote:

    shellyboo wrote:

    I think you'd be more comfortable in your own space, your own clothes, shower, cleaning stuff... best minimise the risk of feel awkward or uncomfortable so you can really enjoy the experience!

    Well, I think I'll feel uncomfortable anyway (I'll probably feel like I have a neon sign above my head saying "ex-virgin!!!!!!" ), and I'm quite liking the idea of a hotel room - I'll have to see what my oh's opinion is :-)

    (just as an aside - why are the smileys disappearing?)

    You need to add them using the edit button, its a glitch I think.

    As for the first time I would say take your time and start slowly and slowly learn what you like. Not sure how far you 2 got with touching, but may be good idea to pay some time for that. And take some time with stretching. But as some said, for some women its completely painless, so you may get lucky.

    As for lube I agree completely. Would suggest some glycerine and paraben free. Maybe some of the Sliquid range. One is today as DotD

    1313098897
    kunoichi [sign in to see picture]
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    Hee!

    I've got some *rummages*durex play feel lube at the moment - going to be playing with that tomorrow hee hee - but I have heard good things about sliquid! I'll keep it in mind.

    Thanks, everyone!

    1313100122
    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
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    This one is for almost half price today, so if you want to try it, it may be tempting.

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/deal-of-the-day/

    1313248658
    kunoichi [sign in to see picture]
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    Another question, if the forum doesn't mind:

    I have weak knee joints. I think I've figured out how to deal with them during missionary sex, since I masturbate in what would be missionary position if there was anyone else involved , but could anybody give me any tips?

    I've already told my oh about another disability I have, and he was fine with it, so I'm not that worried* that he'll react badly...I'm just a little unsure how to bring this up too.

    *well, okay. I do worry that he will decide I'm too much work to bother with, which would hurt quite a lot.

    1313251298
    fizzy [sign in to see picture]
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    hi and welcome to the forum

    i hope it goes well for you and you enjoy the new experince

    1313251996
    kunoichi [sign in to see picture]
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    fizzy wrote:

    hi and welcome to the forum

    i hope it goes well for you and you enjoy the new experince

    Thanks .

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