• Not sure what to do now, Advice please?

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    Amykins [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
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    • Joined: 20 Apr 2010

    Hi everyone, I haven't been on here in a while. I hope you're all ok!

    Sorry if this is in the wrong part of the forum. I have a bit of a problem and i don't know what to do. If someone can help a bit that would be great. I have been in a relationship for 7 years now and i have been thinking for quite a few months that its doesn't seem to be getting anywhere. Sex has been barely existant and all we do is argue. But i don't want to split up as i'm scared of being lonely and i have never lived on my own before. I know that is just probably using him. I am finding myself wanting other men, this is i'm guessing due to whats going on(or not!) in the relationship. I am on a I.T course at the moment with the jobcentre, been there for 2 months now. There is a man i really like there, i just cannot stop thinking about him. There are others i like but not in the way i like him, like i been talking to a fella i know but that didnt turn out to become anything in the end. He seems to like me too, helps me with my work straight away if i ask and vice versa. He's not out of my league or anything and people say that we're gonna get it on. But we're both in a relationship even though he says he's with his girlfriend just for fun. I'm afraid to ask him anything as i don't want to spoil anything in case the feelings are not mutual, which would be awkward. My feelings are getting stronger for him everyday. Plus if i did ask him anything i wouldnt be able to do anything until i split up with my partner. I just dunno whats the best to do! I know what i want i'm just afraid if anything goes wrong. Is it wrong to feel like this? Thanks all!
    1312916340
    Despina Rose [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
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    • Joined: 18 Apr 2010

    The best thing to do is talk with your partner, tell him how you feel, see how he feels and see what you can do to improve it.

    Once you have done that and it just isn't going anywhere then I think it may be best for all involved to end things, 7 years is an achievement. The worst thing you can do is act on these thoughts, I for one would rather have the relationship end than for my partner to betray my trust and sleep with or have a relationship with someone else.

    Also, don't be scared of living alone, it can be awkward at times such as when you need to fold a king size duvet or need a jar opening, however if will take some adjusting but you will be fine. Just think, no more putting the toilet seat down

    Good luck and keep us updated

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    L&M [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 28 Oct 2009

    Good advice there ^^^^

    Got to agree that you need to talk the person your with, it kinda sounds like your mind is already made up that it is over.

    x

    1312992772
    Amykins [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 184
    • Joined: 20 Apr 2010

    Thanks for replying!

    I'm 26 yrs old so i've been with my OH since my teens. I've been with other men before but i havent had much experience. We seem to be more like friends now than anything. I guess i'm scared in case i find i have made the wrong choice after breaking up with him. The only thing is i'm the type of person to put things like this off and not get around to doing. And if i dont do it i might miss out on something good. If i am to break up with the OH i would like it on on good terms so good memories aren't destroyed. But i don't think he will, i don't want to seem like the b***hy one. Its probably not hard to do its just the headwork that would come with it. I have to find the right time i.e a day after an arguement or something to talk to him. But will he think its about another man? Also, Shaun the fella i like is a friend on fb and i am the only one from the course he has added. So i guess that could be saying something lol! I really do like him and i want something to happen soon, but i'm afraid to ask him incase he dont feel the same way. should i ask or not? i could just tell him on fb but would that be a bit as if i'm being shy kinda thing? I will deffo keep you updated!
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    Despina Rose [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
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    • Joined: 18 Apr 2010

    I don't think you should be asking someone if they are interested when you are still with your partner.

    Don't mean this to sound funny or anything, but if you were seriously considering a relationship with someone else then it is time to break it off with your OH.

    Also, when you have broken it off with your OH, you may want to wait a month or something before dating again. If you break it off with him and then jump into a relationship and bed with someone else that quickly after 7 years then it is a bit of a kick in the teeth. Do you know what I mean? If my partner ended things I would be upset, however if he got with someone else I would be gutted. I hope that makes sense.

    1313269930
    Amykins [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
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    • Joined: 20 Apr 2010

    yeah your right there as if i dont break up with the OH and find myself in a situation with another then how is this new guy gonna trust me?

    I am afraid of telling the OH i wanna break up as he gets quite fiesty about things like that and he wont understand no matter what i say.

    I gotta break up with OH to ask someone if he's interested does that mean he gotta break up with his gf to answer me? lol

    If i do end up with him then i will have to somehow ask to keep it low key? but that seems a bit off putting doesnt it?

    oooohhhh... *stamps feet* I dunno what to do i really like him and never liked someone this much since i been with the OH. I don't want the opportunity to ask him to slip away, i dont want to waste anymore time. But then i dont want to ask him because he may say no and things would be awkward. But telling him would give me the opportunity to tell him my situation.

    I am afraid he might just come onto me, and i wouldnt be able to resist before i can explain things to him.

    Breaking up with him will be one of the biggest steps i have taken, and i am afraid i am not gonna end up doing it, i know its gotta happen even if it means not ending up with Shaun.

    you're being a great help with this, thanks a lot as i dont know who else to talk to.

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