• Strap on lovin'

    1312202045
    TanyaThomas [sign in to see picture]
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    My first 'proper' post for some advice, so go easy on me! ;- Am putting my girly, tranny avatar persona to one side for this one, and speaking with my 'bloke' head on...\

    I've owned a strap-on for, ooh years now, I bought one and tried to introduce it into our sex games, and have mentioned on many an occasion to my good lady wife, that i'd just love to be on the receiving end at some point. We're very open about all sorts of stuff, and we swap and share clothes, lingerie, makeup, etc, like sisters, so not a lot goes unsaid between us that we can't resolve, but i've always been met with considerable resistance on this issue and I just can't get to the undelying problem or issues why.

    Sex, whilst i'm in girl mode is an absolute red-line, which is fine, I fully understand that one and have no problem there, but in bloke mode, i've a craving to be a submissive and the frustration in understanding why is slowly eating at me and a female perspective, or the possibile reasons as to why elude me.

    I've tried asking if the issue is one of implied homosexuality, which i'm told isn't it, or whether its an problem to to with gender role-swapping, which also, told it isn't, so i'm a bit perplexed to why she's not keen and completely avoids deeper discussion about the subject.

    Anyone else been along this route before and care to add their views or experiences?

    1312205651
    Miss Behaviour [sign in to see picture]
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    For some women , actually donning a strap on and giving it to their partner can be quite intimidating the first time. Does she like anal play? Can you get her to use butt plugs/ anal beads/hand held dildos on you first, and work up to the strap on?

    I think is probably a confidence thing, but as you seem to chat openly about things, why not sit down and explain that its something you would really love her to try with you?

    Good luck anyway xx

    1312217202
    atlanta [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi

    As a fellow crossdresser, but with clearly bisexual feelings, I can definitely identify with your problem. I enjoy receiving it in my bum very very much. So much in fact that I prefer it to anything else. But as my OH and I have been in love for the last 30 odd years and more it's a matter of living with it. Especially as these feelings have become more powerful over the years rather than less.

    We have tried pegging with a harness but to be honest this does very little for her. The cheaper harnesses are uncomfortable to wear and provide no stimulation for the pegger. There are more expensive harnesses (such as those sold by Babes 'n Horny), which are more comfortable to wear and can be adjusted to all shapes, but we have never gone down that path.

    Rather we take it in turns to pleasure one another. In a typical session we will start with a normal fuck, followed by me massaging her and then cunninlingus until she comes two or three times. After this she will use various dildos of increasing size on me and eventually put her hand inside me and bring me to orgasm this way (not ejaculation though).

    Afterwards we will setttle down in a 69 and after she's come again, I may be fisted again. Usually this second one is rather deep. She find's it pleasurable to fist me, although not orgasmic. Sometimes she will push a large dildo into me (such as the LH anal banger or the Prostidude) and thrust it in out and out with her pubis.

    We have to make sure that we are equally pleasured and have little (fun) post mortems after each session, where we make any complaints known.

    I hope this gives you some ideas.

    1312217343
    Chimera [sign in to see picture]
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    atlanta wrote:

    Hi

    As a fellow crossdresser, but with clearly bisexual feelings, I can definitely identify with your problem. I enjoy receiving it in my bum very very much. So much in fact that I prefer it to anything else. But as my OH and I have been in love for the last 30 odd years and more it's a matter of living with it. Especially as these feelings have become more powerful over the years rather than less.

    We have tried pegging with a harness but to be honest this does very little for her. The cheaper harnesses are uncomfortable to wear and provide no stimulation for the pegger. There are more expensive harnesses (such as those sold by Babes 'n Horny), which are more comfortable to wear and can be adjusted to all shapes, but we have never gone down that path.

    Rather we take it in turns to pleasure one another. In a typical session we will start with a normal fuck, followed by me massaging her and then cunninlingus until she comes two or three times. After this she will use various dildos of increasing size on me and eventually put her hand inside me and bring me to orgasm this way (not ejaculation though).

    Afterwards we will setttle down in a 69 and after she's come again, I may be fisted again. Usually this second one is rather deep. She find's it pleasurable to fist me, although not orgasmic. Sometimes she will push a large dildo into me (such as the LH anal banger or the Prostidude) and thrust it in out and out with her pubis.

    We have to make sure that we are equally pleasured and have little (fun) post mortems after each session, where we make any complaints known.

    I hope this gives you some ideas.

    I found this a really informative post and a really nice read. Thanks atlanta.

    1312217508
    englishgent [sign in to see picture]
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    i think maybe the idea of role reversal often scares people, maybe leading to questioning. ive never done it, but am very curious about the idea. your advice was a great help to me. I think if we were to ever do it, it would only be if we both got pleasure from it, which is important to me! thank you for your adive and your post, very helpful.

    1312336484
    atlanta [sign in to see picture]
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    Reversing roles breaks down walls, taboos if you like, that may have been there from childhood. As a child my sister and I wore almost identical clothes and I was very upset at age 4 when I didn't get a new kilt and she did. Silent pressures from all sides ended up making me despise feminity on men and it was only in later life that role reversal helped me finally breach the dyke and get back in touch with the child I'd once been.

    1312367949
    TanyaThomas [sign in to see picture]
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    I think there are two schools of thought in pleasuring your other half.

    On one hand, should one partner allow themselves to be pleasured even if the other person derives absolutely nothing from it, as mentioned above in a post, or should sexual practices such as pegging, at least on some level, be pleasurable to the giver.

    I'm of the belief that, in a long term and serious relationship,if one person would derive a great deal of pleasure from a sexual act, as long as the request wasnt too off the wall, the other partner should understand those needs and fulfil it, as im sure, in return, the favour would be repaid. Pleasure should be mutual.

    To flatly deny requests or fantasies, etc, i think is being a bit selfish. (ie, "Whats in it for me..." attitude)

    1312389174
    pamdaminx [sign in to see picture]
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    hi Tanya - this may not be easy to read, if it helps great - if not then disregard it

    Maybe she is submissive and finds taking the Dominant role just abhorrent - and she may not even realise she is submissive - just the thought of it may just pull up a blank wall. You mention you want to feel submissive but gave no indication of your wife's preference - does she have dominant or submissive tendencies or is that whole area a turn off for her? You stated it wasn't a homosexual thing as you have discussed it but have you BOTH considered it from this angle? she may never have even formulated it in that way to herself - the Ds perspective isn't covered under gender,homosexuality perspective- hence the resistance and no answer.She may indeed not know what it is but it seems clear that it is something that she is not merely meh about but pretty repulsed by but she doesn't know how to verbalise it without ... Have you ever considered the D/s aspects apart from your desire to be submissive to a strap on? Since you appear to have a loving, communicative relationship you may indeed have asked these questions but then again ...

    taken with your statement that sex while in girl mode is an absolute redline, with her willing participation with you in your transvestite side, indicates this maybe a strong possibility. Certainly if, the way i am reading your post is correct, it is that there is no power exchange when your girly side comes out to play - you play as equals/freinds not Dominant /submissive - a big difference to someone who is not in the least inclined to Top or is actually repulsed by power exchange.

    what does she get out of sharing your transvestite side? could she possibly be unselfishly giving that to you with no sexual (or other?) payback for her?

    is she pushing her own natural taste, inclinations and boundaries purely for the pleasure it gives you?

    It is also selfish to inflict our desires on our others just because we want it so badly and our focus on our fulfilling our desires blinds us into not respecting our partners boundaries whether we think them valid or not. Pleasure indeed should be mutual - with give and take on both sides.

    We ALL have out limits - and as the song and the thread goes "i will do anything for love but i won't do that" and sometimes we have to ask ourselves if which is more important - fulfilling our fantasy or respecting our partner as more than a means to an end?

    All may not be lost however It depends on what she feels around the above

    If she is indeed submissive and the thought of Topping and being in a position of power is repulsive to her - i do know couples who have got around this by having the Dom order the sub to do it to please him - putting the submissive back into her happy space of having no say while the Dom gets his desires filled (and for some who it didn't - that can only be answered by your own dynamics)

    But the basis of D/s play is consensuality - and abuse from a submissive position is just as wrong as abuse from a Dominant one - but often sneakier to spot

    regards

    pam

    1312540860
    TanyaThomas [sign in to see picture]
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    A good post Pam.

    Couldn't work out for a minute where your message was as it appears as a quoted message. LOL

    1312589098
    pamdaminx [sign in to see picture]
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    thanks - yeah still trying to get my brain arond the quoting bits so i can quote parts not the whole lot sorry - and no preview or edit button aint helping lol

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