• Libido

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    bohohippy [sign in to see picture]
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    How the hell do you increase your libido?

    I suffer with depression which isn't always obvious because it's a kinda under lying thing, it usually makes me tired or unattentive to most things. When I first met my boyfriend, my libido hit the roof, my depression vanished for over 6-8 months and sex was good.

    Then my depression hit again, I found it hard to deal with after such a break and my libido went out the door.

    We then had some problems, Oct 2010 to Jan 2010, my boyfriend got thrush, it closes his penis completely and made it sore, swollen and the foreskin so tight he could barely move it. It took from Oct - Jan for it to be useable again and we went without sex almost all of that time. He didn't show me once that he missed sex, or that it bothered him until I reaaaallly pushed him and he threw a fit in front of me and said he couldn't deal with it if he had to admit it ¬_¬

    I am my boyfriends first, he's 24, he has never been too interested in sex throughout his life so never went after it like 'normal' lads. He also had a slight social phobia of women so never approached them. We met online and then met in life and I made him feel okay so his extreme shyness went away. Some of his mates are similar, one is still a virgin and is hitting 25. Others like to go to brothels after a night out, so they're a big mix of different types of lads.

    We thought perhaps his low libido was because he's always tired, so he started taking Vit B complex, but they didn't really improve anything. He'll have sex when I want to, and sometimes (once a week/fortnight) ask for it but with both of us having low libido's with gone without for over 2 weeks and not even batted an eyelid.

    Is this normal? I mean, I'm asking people on a sex site so I'm guessing a lot of you like it more than once a week, but... I get confused whether I'm satisfired with it or not. I know I have a complex where I measure myself on sex (it's slowly going away, it's a past problem almost) I can go a week or 2 without it before questioning if I'm good enough in bed or something. All my ex's were quite sex crazy so even after a year it's still a huge change to go from someone who wants it everyday to someone who can take it or leave it. He tells me he gets horny sometimes and wants me but he'd never expect incase I'm not in the mood which sometimes happens, like we're not in sync >.<

    Does anyone know how to increase a libido, for both of us. My doctor would just laugh me out of her office if I asked her. >.<

    1308292783
    sweetlove666 [sign in to see picture]
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    bohohippy wrote:

    Does anyone know how to increase a libido, for both of us. My doctor would just laugh me out of her office if I asked her. >.<

    Honestly you would be amased at what doctors hear, and this wouldnt be a big issue for her and she certainly shouldn't laugh at you!

    If you are on medication for depression it can be a libido killer so discussing side effects with a doctor could help you get back into the swing of things a little bit more. If you don't want to see your regular GP you could always ask to see another one at your surgery.

    it's hard to say what is normal, as no one is the same within their relationships. What matters is the fact that you both feel that there is an issue.

    Although he may have recovered Physically it seems that the thrush your OH had was pretty painful and there could be some mental hang ups ascociated with that he might need to work through, could you talk to him about it in a non confrontational manner?

    Communication seems to be a problem as well, as you seem to struggle to tell each other when you feel like you would like sex. could you maybe work a system out with products like sex cheques? http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=15127

    Monogomy is apparently a very fun board game that can get people communicating as well. http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=662

    1308295095
    Noon [sign in to see picture]
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    Excellent points from SL, and quite right that there is no way your GP should laugh and this or any other situation (if they did they would get reported pdq!).

    SL is also right about the after effects of the thrush, that must have hit your BF really hard. :(

    It sounds like you both have great chemistry, can you work on that and build up each other's confidence?

    1308301277
    Lovehoney - Alice [sign in to see picture]
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    Lovehoney - Hella wrote:

    I read a paper on sub training that used an empty vase to signal sexual arosual. If there was a flower in the vase of the entrance hall, then the female submissive was open to training and play. A very simple method that might be of some help to you. Perhaps if he's able to give you a non-sexual signal that he's in a romantic mood then he can initiate without any sexual overtones and he might start to come out of his shell a bit. It will also show him that nothing bad will happen if he's in the mood and you aren't.

    I think I saw something similar on a TV programme where each person in the relationship had a magnet on the fridge, and depending on how 'up for it' they felt they moved the magnet up or down the fridge. It stopped the feelings of rejection as sexual approaches would only be made when they were likely to be well received.

    Admittedly, not as poetic as a single bloom in an otherwise empty vase but maybe more practical.

    1308302114
    Noon [sign in to see picture]
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    Nice one Mac

    Edit: That was supposed to have a thumbs up icon so as not to look sarcastic, but it has not appeared!

    1308302234
    toycar69 [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm loving Hellas and Alices ideas!

    Think I may need to allocate Mrs Toycar a fridge magnet

    1308303440
    toycar69 [sign in to see picture]
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    hehe, how about if the fridge magnet is acually a flower one then Hella?

    I do like the vase method, but we tend to keep breakables out of reach due to a toddler running round the house. I can see the vase staying empty all the time, but a fridge magnet will always be in easy reach for her, and easy for me to see too.

    1308304454
    SweetSubmission [sign in to see picture]
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    toycar69 wrote:

    hehe, how about if the fridge magnet is acually a flower one then Hella?

    I do like the vase method, but we tend to keep breakables out of reach due to a toddler running round the house. I can see the vase staying empty all the time, but a fridge magnet will always be in easy reach for her, and easy for me to see too.

    Although your toddler could get their hands on them and move them, and that could cause some muddles!

    "My love, I found your magnet in the sock drawer - does this mean you have a secret foot fetish you'd like to explore?"

    SS xx

    1308304609
    toycar69 [sign in to see picture]
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    haha, love it SS!

    Yeah, he does have a tendancy to pick stuff up and hide it. One time it took me 3 days to find OH's car keys as he'd put them in the nappy drawer!

    1308316474
    Dirty Red Angel [sign in to see picture]
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    Bohohippy - I can't really add anything on how to increase libido but I just wanted to say, we've gone for months without sex and I haven't batted an eyelid. I think eventually my OH stopped batting an eyelid too and hes very shy about masturbation so I don't even think he did it; in fact he wasn't really bothered about it until I started (gently) pushing him to do it.....

    Anyway my point is, don't worry about asking others if this is 'normal'. We all have different levels of normal. You shouldn't compare yourself to others.

    I actually really like the rose/magnet idea.......

    Hope you can get it sorted

    Angel x

    1308400924
    Pixieking [sign in to see picture]
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    If neither of you are particularly bothered about sex via genital stimulation but you feel like you aren't getting enough closeness, then perhaps you could consider massage or just taking time to cuddle?

    It's not sex in that neither of you have to perform or orgasm or suchlike, but you still get the fuzzy bodily contact. =)

    1308414084
    sharry [sign in to see picture]
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    I've got a pingu fridge magnet, might have to give it a try. Will I have to start saying "Fancy a bit of Pingu?"

    I've also got one that says "take an old bag shopping" (as in reuse your carriers) I don't think I'll use that one.

    1308832756
    bohohippy [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi everyone.

    I was on my TOTM but my libido was higher then usual (guessing thats what happens, haha) you can't have it without being messy so you want it more!

    I do believe communication with us is a bit hard, it's more we take things the wrong way still, we're learning, e.g we're pretty much 100% better than 6 months ago but not even 60% perfect lol.

    I've spoken to him about how even though sex with him satisfires me, doing it once every 2-3 weeks isn't enough for me and that he is so very closed I can't gage when he's in the mood or something.

    He said he knows how closed he can be, but he'll promise to work on it and so far since last week things have improved, about a week and a half ago we decided (as we couldn't have sex) to really work on our foreplay and throughout the session, say things we liked, disliked, asked for more of this and that. I learnt how to nibble his earlope which is something he likes but I always did it too intensely so he always pulled away (again crushing my spirit as I hate doing things wrong) then I told him that the way we currently turn each other is very lazy and not as half stimilating as it should be...

    We explored each other, I managed to make him moan from just foreplay (a first!) using just our hands and lips and such. We were so revved up in the end and well I releived him as I couldn't do myself.

    Last night was the first time we could have sex but we had exercised and were very tired, I pushed myself though as I did want it and it was obvious he wanted... the reason? Before exercise, whilst he was changing into his sweaty clothes, I kissed him passionately and he had me against the wall and was holding me tightly :) this is like the best feeling and he was doing it all on his own.

    We then bathed each other (just standing in the bath with a soapy sponge) coz of the sweat, when we got into bed, it was slow but constant. I kissed him and his neck and body whilst he ran his fingers on me and such. He kept a bit early (which really angered him) but I told him he had nothing to be ashamed of and since it was the first time in around 1.5 weeks then it was to be expected because he's still not used to it 100%. He's going to do that masterbating training thing more.

    All in all, I think with more effort and accepting it when we feel like it and when we don't, we're getting somewhere. I laughed at a few posts :) Fancy a bit of pingu? LOL Mine is called Kitkat, have a break, have a kitkat xxx

    1308833029
    bohohippy [sign in to see picture]
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    Oh, I say my doctor would laugh at me for this reason...

    I suffer with depression and anxiety, when its my TOTM I get PMT/PMS, this increases my irrational thoughts, insecurity and sometimes i get horrible fears (2 months ago, I got a fear of death/being murdered) and everyone to me scared me, it was consuming. I'm over it now but my doctor DENIGHS theres any such thing whilst your on the pill. I sometimes feel like saying, yes, the pill might be made to sTOP you experiencing it, but I'm quite sure with most medicines, theres times when it doesn't work!!! If I don't take a break at all (girls will know what I mean) I don't get PMT/PMS... so I stay 'normal' a lot longer. My doctor just exhausts me because of how ridget she is with the way she thinks. I had counselling and therpay for my anxiety but I need deeper therapy which the doctor won't put me forward for... either.

    1308878342
    Dirty Red Angel [sign in to see picture]
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    Ohh yes I read this earlier but couldn't reply at the time......

    Your post made me a little jealous too - well done for getting the spark back. It's great!!! x x

    1308929745
    mrbumps [sign in to see picture]
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    ive still got the same libido i did as a teenager my OH used to be the same way for id say the 1st 3 years of our relationship, then due to her anxiety other money, work and general adult life her sex drive took a nose dive, for about 4.3 years our sex life kinda went abit meh, we still had sex daily but for the most part it was always me initiating things and she was someone else mentally for most of it.

    we fought on avg two massive fights a year (which is allot considering weve never really had fights) over this untill a few months back when we really sat down a talked (which is hard for me since im the STFU and brood type) and it was agreed that there was a problem and she admired that she was partly at the centre of it.

    since then we have both really tried put more effort into every time we have sex, even if its a quickie. and our sex life has gone from ok to amazing. we are more understanding of each others feelings now and her libido has gone back to matching mine. moral of the story: open lines of communication rather than shouting matches equals a win

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